


Thaumaturgy

by hisen



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anal Sex, Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Anbu Yamato | Tenzou, Blow Jobs, Canon Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, Chakra exhaustion, During Canon, Engagement, Eventual relationship, Frottage, Hot Springs & Onsen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love Confessions, M/M, Memory Loss, Missions, Mokuton, Near Death Experiences, POV Alternating, Pining, Pre-Canon, Some angst, Soulmates, Teasing, a family can be two guys and a lot of dogs, a really stupid fight, festival date, significant haircut, some jealousy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 04:55:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 85,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18564352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hisen/pseuds/hisen
Summary: The name on the hand can be a lifeline, or a curse. It can also end up meaning nothing. But not having one at all? It'd be freakish, unnatural. It'd raise questions about if they even have a soul at all, if it ever happened.Kakashi doesn't have one.(Canon AU, follows the manga's plot. Partly soulmates AU, mostly twenty nine years of Kakashi's and Tenzo's lives.)





	1. Part One: Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is a soulmates AU, but mostly it's about twenty nine years of Kakashi and Tenzo's lives. That's how it got so long! It's split into five parts but they'll all be posted in this story. None of the other notes will be this long, I swear. 
> 
> It's set in the manga canon verse and follows that plot, with the anime's Kakashi ANBU arc included. There's some changes for the soulmates marks and artistic licence. The only big divergence is on Tenzo's childhood, because I wanted to do something different and the manga and anime contradict each other on it. There are some original characters but apart from the two mothers, they're all very minor parts.  
> There's other pairings involved/hinted at in this, which are all canon pairings apart from one-sided Kakashi/Minato (and uh Tenzo's parents I guess? Up to you). I'm not tagging them because they're minor but they're here. 
> 
> I feel pretentious putting the poems in, but they really did inspire me thematically on each part so I'm doing it. All the poems are from The Penguin Book of Japanese Verse, revised version 2009, translated by Geoffrey Bownas and Anthony Thwaite. I believe their use here counts as fair-use.

_Working, working._  
_Yet no joy in life,_  
_Still staring emptily_  
_At empty hands._  
Ishikawa Takuboku

Part One: Before

 

"Sakumo, can you bring him here?" The fear leaks out into her voice despite her best efforts to hold it back. It's shameful. She didn't become one of the best jounins in the village to be scared by something so simple.

Something as simple as not seeing her son's face.

Sakumo appears in her line of vision in moments, light concern on his face, which would be panic in someone else. He gently lifts her up into a sitting position, she tries to pull herself up to help but she's too tired. She feels weak, vulnerable, and she hates it. Hates being so dependent on others, even on someone she trusts as much as Sakumo.

He props her up with the pillows before returning with their son. As soon as she sets eyes on him, she feels herself starting to cry again. Damn it, the hormones are messing with her, she knows it, but the love, the fear are so strong she can't hold them back. Sakumo joins her on the bed, sitting next to her as he carefully hands her their son. Her hands are shaking as she takes him, but his hands are steady. Calm, ready, for this most difficult of missions. Parenthood.

It is the first time she's held him. He is warm and tiny, needs her to support the back of his head. He looks perfect, Ume rests her nose on the top of his head and breathes him in deeply. After months of struggle, after such an awful pregnancy and delivery, he's arrived.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Kakashi. Your father kept you all to himself for too long. It's not fair, but I'm sure you'll love me most to make up for it." She can't resist the chance to tease Sakumo, even when she's this overwhelmed. It lightens her mood a little.

"It's not fair to turn him against me already." Sakumo wipes the tears off her face for her, she sees the flash of _Ume_ on his palm, just below his thumb, and she smiles at him. Sakumo pauses, then meets hers with a smile with a tired, relieved cast to it before addressing their son. "But she's right. You're bound to love her the most. She's a force of nature, it'd be impossible to not. She's already done so much for you and she'll do even more. You're lucky to have such a mother, Kakashi. Just watch out for her hardheadedness."

"You're getting sentimental." The tears are thick in her voice as she says it, teasing him, trying to hide how sentimental she feels too. Sakumo gives a small, tired laugh in response.

"I think I'm allowed that today." She lifts Kakashi up to see his face, he tries to open his eyes when he's moved but shuts them again immediately. Too bright. From the brief glimpse, he's got the same dark eyes as his father. He is so clearly Sakumo's son, right to the very light, pale whorl of hair, but his beauty mark is in just the same spot as hers is. Her mark on him. Her baby.

"He's perfect." She feels awed that somehow, despite the horror of her pregnancy, of her nearly dying of blood loss during the birth, Kakashi is unscathed. A hand touches her hair, smooths it down as Sakumo kisses her forehead.

"You did so well. I'm proud of you." Sakumo does this, will gush in private in a way she never has, for all his reserved behaviour in public. It wasn't something she expected when she first saw him. She remembers that day, looking at their son. The first day of her jounin exams, the youngest in that group of candidates and determined to succeed. Their examiner, only a few years older than her, tall, unexpectedly handsome, silver hair tied up and a serious expression on his face, introduced himself.

"I am Hatake Sakumo. I will be your lead examiner today. I'd like to warn you now I'm not like the other examiners. I will fail any of you who can't come up with a better plan than sacrificing others to spare yourself. I don't care if it's to save the mission, there is always a better way." The murmurs of dissent were squashed with a single look. She glanced down, at the name on her palm. _Sakumo_. She'd never thought about it much, too busy training, had never encountered a Sakumo before. When she looked back up, caught his eye as he scanned the group and he smiled in return, those perspective eyes focused only on her. Her heart leapt into her mouth. She was certain.

Passing the exam was too important to let her consider it any further, but she knew. He must be her soulmate. Until then, she thought of soulmates like she thought of the rescue of teammates when it could cause the mission to fail: nice to have but not required. Ume did not dream of her soulmate from the day she learnt what it meant. Right until she saw him, destiny seemed to be a thing for other people. She was too busy, relentlessly making her own fate. The memory prompts her, reminds her that she hasn't asked, in all the noise and rush of Kakashi's birth, about his name.

"What's the name?"

"I didn't check, I left it for you." She shifts Kakashi again, rests his head against her collarbone as she gently uncurls his right hand from a fist, looking for those faint silver lines. Nothing. Ah, he must be left handed just like his grandfather, her father, was. Ume wishes he was here to meet Kakashi too, wishes both of her parents were, but at least they live on in their grandson, she thinks with a smile as she uncurls the other hand.

There's no name on that hand either. The smile drops off her face. She frowns, checks both hands again. Nothing. Blank. A horrifying, sinking feeling of guilt, of panic, settles in her stomach.

"I can't believe it."

"Ume?" The baby senses the change of mood in the room and starts to cry. She lifts him up, tries to jiggle him but she starts to cry again too, silently, overwhelmed by her fatigue and how afraid she is for him. Ume doesn't believe in omens, but after what happened, nine months of her body fighting Kakashi the whole time, this reads like a sign. Kakashi didn't come out from that struggle unscathed after all. The name can be a joy, or a curse, or just nothing at all. Ume was lucky. She knows she was, to find Sakumo at all, to have him practically fall into her lap, at just the right time before he fell in love with someone else. Most people aren't, ninjas in particular. But there's always a name. To not have one is unnatural, disturbing.

Sakumo lets out a dismayed noise, gently lifts Kakashi out of her arms before trying to sooth him. She hears his sharp inhale when he sees what she saw, that their son's hands are blank. She tries to stop her tears, dries them off her face harshly, telling herself off for over-reacting, but she's emotional and afraid. Already she has come so close to losing him, and she wants to protect him. This is something, a freakish something, that she can't protect him from. Sakumo finally manages to quiet Kakashi down and puts him back into her arms. Kakashi drifts off to sleep.

"Sometimes the name appears after they're born. I'm sure it'll appear on his hand soon." He sounds so calm and confident. Ume knows him too well to miss the uncertainty that he's trying to hide. She shuts her eyes, exhausted, holds onto Kakashi tightly. She doesn't want to consider what it means for her newborn son if no name ever appears. It's only a rumour that some people don't have a name on their hand, so it will appear.

But Kakashi's hand remains free of writing. The name of his soulmate doesn't appear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ume is spelt with the kanji 梅, which reads "Japanese plum" (Prunus mume). I picked it to fit into the farming theme the Hatakes have.


	2. Part One: Chapter Two

The baby, this unexpected arrival, this strange, alarming creature with his cries, his demands, is the most terrifying thing she's ever seen. A baby. Her baby. The physical pain is too intense for rational thought, planning, any of the stoic behaviour she took pride in before. 

She looks at him like she would a stranger's baby, despite the pain telling her otherwise, placed into her arms on the assumption she knows what to do with them. She wants to hand him back. She wants to let his mother hold him and take care of him, but it's her. She's the mother and she has no idea what to do. 

The baby finally falls quiet. He's messy, her blood is still on him and soaking into her undershirt. She should do something about that. She needs to do something about this. Her training finally kicks in, back to the mission, back to doing, ignoring the pain until the mission's done. She washes him off with water from her canteen, trying to calm him down when the water makes him cry, severs the cord, the only thing still connecting them, dries him off in her towel. She works as if she just found this baby by chance, instead of giving birth in an abandoned, falling down house out in the middle of nowhere. She didn't realise she was pregnant. A small baby, carried low, and every potential sign was something else. A cold, sleep deprivation, spring weight, stress, grief. That grief so painful and impossible to share, that covered everything else right up to the first crunch of labour. 

She wraps him in her spare undershirt and then her vest around him too, to keep him warm while he waits. There's a village nearby, she can leave him there, and then return to Konoha like nothing happened. She can't think clearly, she's in too much pain, too shocked and tired. Only the mission counts. She needs to leave him. Her training keeps her going without thinking any further about it. She slowly makes her way from the house, deep in the forest, through the trees towards the village. She stays in the shadows, the baby held tight against her chest, dreading meeting a team returning to Konoha. She's frightened by every sound, every shadow. The baby sleeps peacefully, resting against her heart, as if she's not about to leave him forever. 

She stops at the first house she finds with light leaking out from behind the closed shutters. She places him down on the doorstep, pauses for a moment, and knocks. She slips away into the shadows and doesn't look back to see if they open the door. She didn't check the name on his hand, didn't even remember to take the scrolls out of her vest. 

She arrives back in Konoha over a week late. The journey is slow, painful, both physically and mentally, but she's too scared to call for help, afraid of being found out and the consequences of it. When she gets back, and they ask her what happens, she lies. Food poisoning. She feels guilty, sick, confused, nearly overspilling with feelings she doesn't understand. She withdraws from her emotions, tries to go back to who she was before. Back to being a eighteen year old jounin again. A dutiful daughter of strict, formal parents who love her, are proud of her. They would be horrified and disappointed if they knew about the father, nevermind an illegitimate baby. 

She tells the father. She visits his grave, empty but with the rest of his family's dead. The memorial to the war dead is too open for such news. Only one ghost should hear this. There are still the offerings from Obon surrounding him and she crouches among the cucumbers and eggplants to whisper the news to his grave. It's been five months since he died, ten months since they first touched. First to save her life, then for more. The relief of survival. On the way back to Konoha, with her heart reeling, he called her princess. He had always called her that and she'd always thought it was a joke, like her best friend said. Mocking her formal, isolated upbringing, the impeccable manners he found baffling. Suddenly it was affectionate, almost a compliment, a pet name.

It might have been affectionate the whole time. 

Something started to grow between them after that mission together, her last as a chunin. Slowly, carefully, too fragile to expose to public view and to the predictable rage of her parents. Something that might have become more with time, even with other people's names on their hands. Time they didn't have. Instead what remains is a baby boy. Healthy, alive and with strangers for his own good, she tells him. He's silent, will always be silent now, such a contrast to when he was alive. Nobody else will ever call her princess. She doesn't cry. She's cried enough. 

She leaves. Her body feels as different as her heart feels now as she locks the secret away in it. She feels empty, sore, like she's been hollowed out. She doesn't look up as she walks. She stares at the ground, doesn't want to see anyone. When she walks straight into someone, just outside the cemetery, she doesn't even try to save herself from falling. A hand grabs her, lightning fast, to stop her fall. So fast, swift like a river, like just he was when he rescued her, just as she realised she was going to die. She expects for a moment to see him when she finally looks up. It feels like a stab through the heart when it's not. Dark eyes, white hair, tall. Not the boy she loved.

Sakumo rights her, puts her back on her feet carefully and looks at her like he knows. She can't meet his eyes, looks away, guilty and ashamed. She bows deeply instead.

"I am sorry for troubling you, Hatake-san." 

"It's fine, just keep your eyes forward now. Are you okay?" She inhales sharply. He is not asking if she is okay from her near fall. It must be obvious on her face, if a stranger is asking, after how hard she hid her grief and pain from everyone who cares about her. She raises her head from the bow slowly, meets Sakumo's eyes by accident. He knows. He recognises grief as soon as he sees it, it's obvious. "Ah. It never goes, but eventually it'll hurt less." 

There's a rush of footsteps, then a small figure hurls himself at Sakumo's leg, clings on for dear life as he stares up at her. His eyes on her, just as clear and observant as his father despite his age, feel like a judgement. She will never see her son at Kakashi's age. The thought hits her like a punch. She turns on instinct, walks away without even remembering to excuse herself, a complete abandonment of her manners. 

Sakumo is wrong. It will never hurt any less.


	3. Part One: Chapter Three

The rabbit bolts as soon as it sees him. Kakashi frowns, annoyed both by the rabbit fleeing before he could look at it properly, and his failure to sneak up on it successfully. He needs to work harder. He'll never be as great as his father is if he can't even outwit a rabbit.

He tails the rabbit, his previous casual exploration of the woods turning into his first real mission. He catches up when a peal of laughter makes it flee again. So close. The laughter gets louder, closer and a group of older children appear. When they see him they stop walking and look at him. He looks right back at them, not intimidated in the slightest. They're bigger than him, but Kakashi is certain that he could hold them off.

"Hey, you. Come with us." He looks at the group, sees they're not playing, are just wandering around, being loud. Boring. He's not interested. 

"No." 

"What?"

"It looks boring. I'm not joining in." The leader scowls, strolls over to him and gets in his face. He doesn't blink. 

"What did you say?"

"I said you're boring. Go away." A hush falls over the group, before the leader pushes him. He shoves back, with force, and the ringleader stumbles. The leader staggers back up, and launches himself at Kakashi. 

The fight is too easy for Kakashi to lose. Despite being older, the group's leader has no idea what he's doing, relying on brute strength and nothing else. Kakashi has him pinned within minutes. He's half his size and strength but smarter, thinking about what he's doing instead of flailing around. 

"Being strong isn't enough if you're not smart with it. Idiot." Kakashi can't help crowing. The other kids are gawking and happy to leave their leader to get beaten up by another kid. The ringleader pauses, looks at Kakashi and then at his hands. Suddenly, the leader's face lights up.

"Hah! You're high and mighty for someone who doesn't even have a name!" 

"What? I have a name." The ringleader grins at him, maliciously, enjoying lording his superior knowledge over this upstart. 

"Not that name. The name on your hand. What kind of freak doesn't have one?" Kakashi pauses. He never thought about it before, about the lack of silver characters on his hands. He's noticed that adults have them. He noticed that his father has _Ume_ , his mother that he remembers as a smile and a pair of arms around him, on his hand. He assumed that it's something that adults get at some point, that he'll get one someday too. It's not something that came up when he's playing with other kids, it was a boring adult thing they weren't interested in. Not something he needed to worry about. Until now. 

One kid starts the taunts, and the other quickly join in. They enjoyed the fight, but this is even better, to find out the victor is a loser too. 

"No-name, no-name, hasn't got a soulmate!" Kakashi sees the smirk on the leader's face, and punches him straight on the nose. His father wouldn't approve of him fighting dirty like this, when he's already won, but the gush of blood, the crack of cartilage under his knuckles is satisfying even after he flees the scene. It doesn’t stop their taunting from still ringing in his ears when he returns home, though. 

His father is sitting outside, examining a scroll closely. When he sees Kakashi arrive he smiles, but the smile drops off his face when he sees how upset Kakashi is, even with the mask hiding half his face. 

_"Nobody loves you, everybody hates you…"_

"Kakashi?" 

_"You're going to be alone forever!"_

He doesn't answer but he sits down next to Sakumo and takes his father's hand. He finds the characters he knows are there. They're not as clear as they are on other people, silver not standing out so bright on his pale skin, but he can still read them.

"Why don't I have this?" Sakumo sighs, takes Kakashi's small hands in his and squeezes. 

"I don't know." 

It's the first time Kakashi has ever heard his father say that he doesn't know the answer to his questions. He's silent, trying to take in the realisation that there is something his father doesn't know. It's something important too, something he didn't even realise he needed to know when he woke up this morning. It's the first blow Kakashi receives to his belief that his father is infallible. 

"Am I going to be alone forever?" He forces the question out. From the reaction of the other kids, from the fact that nobody told him that he should have someone else's name on his hand; he feels that the answer will be yes. He doesn't want it confirmed by the person he loves the most. His father lifts his chin up, meeting his eyes, and he looks more serious than Kakashi has seen him before. 

"No. Even if there's nobody on your hand, it doesn't mean that you'll be alone. That person isn't the only person who will love you. Your name isn't on my hand but I still love you, right?" 

Kakashi smiles for the first time since the fight and hugs his father, overwhelmed by his feelings of love and relief that his father still approves of him, still loves him. Even if he doesn't know the answer.


	4. Part One: Chapter Four

The orphan, a boy of many names, none of which belong to him, is very good at sneaking around. He hears all sort of things the adults think he's not supposed to know. Today he listens by the door of the kitchen of the orphanage, as the cook discusses a most unusual topic with another member of staff. The topic is him. Him! Nobody talks about him normally, and if he asks questions about himself he's told to stop being so nosy. He is dead still as he listens, one eye on the corridor to not get caught snooping. 

"That sister of hers keeps asking me about him. I wish she'd stop. Unless she's planning to adopt him, it's just cruel to do it. Her sister and her husband decided not look after him, and who can blame them. I get why a ninja wouldn't want to take the baby back to that village of theirs after he found it abandoned, but why would he leave it on their doorstep? They're poor, and too old to care for a baby. It was cruel."

"Probably didn't even think about it. You know what they're like. Swanning in, fighting wars everywhere and then swanning out again. You can't trust ninjas. I still think he could have been one of theirs." The cook snorts, and he peeks around to catch her dumping more salt than needed into the soup. Oh, not again.

"Not that old rubbish again, I had to tell her to stop that too. Ninjas don't abandon their own babies! They're so busy fighting and killing they never have time to screw. There's never enough babies to grow up and replace the dead. Everyone knows that. No, some ninja found him, used one of those vests they wear to wrap him up so he didn't freeze to death on the doorstep." Screw? He doesn't know that word, must find out what it means later. He is more curious about the ninjas, though, and the vest. 

The vest he was wrapped in, the only thing he has that is his and his alone, is the only clue to who left him on that doorstep. The only thing that ties him to anywhere. He knows it's not from his parents, those mysterious people nobody knows. He knows that a ninja found him and left him here, someone with no other connection to him. It's his most important possession anyway.

He wishes it was true that his parents were ninjas. Then there would be something special about him and he would have a place in this world. He spies on the teams from Konoha that pass through the village from a safe distance. He sees their headbands shining and wishes more than anything that he could have one too. But if he could be a ninja, someone would have noticed by now, so he resigns himself to this name and this life.

Weeks later, the rain falls and doesn't stop. It keeps the orphans inside and they go wild. He hides from the chaos shuddering through the orphanage. He doesn't want to fight, although he can hold his own, doesn't want his hair pulled or to participate in the chaos. Instead he takes a picture book and hides in the dormitory, under the beds, with it. He is not supposed to be in there, it's out of bounds during the day, but he uses his talent for hiding and sneaking around to get away with it. He likes to pretend it makes him a ninja.

Books are new, and as interesting to him as the teams that pass through from Konoha, though much less dangerous. He is just starting to learn to read and the staff are impressed by how fast he's picking it up. They are a gateway to somewhere else, even the books filled with things he doesn't understand, like parents. He flicks through the picture book, filled with detailed drawings of a town, and all the things the people do in the town. It fascinates him, he lingers on each page for minutes before moving ahead. He turns the page and finds a farm. The animals roaming the farm draw in his attention, wandering through the fields, when one of the words makes him pause.

It looks familiar to him. He looks closer, then he checks against his hand. It's the same characters. He looks at the picture of the farm and frowns. He studies the drawing next to the same characters that are on his hand closely, but there's no explanation. He's noticed the silver characters on his hand, on other people's hands, before, but he doesn't know what it means or why they're there. Now he's even more confused. 

He doesn't get it. Why does he have scarecrow written on his hand?


	5. Part One: Chapter Five

"You can't wear your gloves at the table! What if you've got something weird on them? Or you get them messy? Take them off!"

"They're fine."

"It's not civilised. It's bad manners!"

To Kakashi it feels like Kushina has bad manners, insisting that he takes his gloves off at the table, but he doesn't know enough about manners to be sure. He looks at his sensei, trying to beg him with his eyes to stop her, but Minato doesn't take notice, doesn't understand why Kakashi is so reluctant. Instead he shrugs, telling Kakashi he's not about to intervene in Kushina's expectations at the dining table. He feels defeated as he takes them off and tries to keeps his hands under the table as much as possible, trying not to draw any further attention to them or himself. It doesn't work because when Kushina sees him trying to subtly transfer some tempura to Minato, he gets the full brunt of her attention again.

"You don't like tempura? You should have told me! Come, come, I'll fix you something else! You'll like it!" She grabs his hand as she gets up, pulling him away from the table, and Kakashi looks back at his sensei, asking him to help but he laughs and eats the tempura covered prawn Kakashi put in his dish. He finds himself staring at the inside of a fridge that Kushina shoves him in front of, as she goes through the cupboards, trying to find something else for him. Kakashi wants to tell her to stop being ridiculous, that the rest of the meal is fine, but he knows that she will insist and insist until he gives in again. So he stays silent. 

"Chocolate?" She waves a bar at him excitedly, confident she found something. 

"I don't like sweet things."

"Who doesn't like sweet things?" Kushina yells as she dives into another cupboard. Kakashi desperately wants to sneak out but is aware that both her and Minato would stop him before he could even get close to the door. Suddenly he's pulled away from the fridge as Kushina slams the door shut, and Minato calls from the other room that their food is getting cold. 

"I just want to make sure Kakashi has something he like…" Kushina trails off mid-sentence and falls silent as she looks at Kakashi's hands in her own. Kakashi's never heard her so quiet before and it unnerves him as he pulls his hands away. 

"You don't have a name?" He didn't know her voice could be so soft and he doesn't like it, he much prefers her shouting. 

"It doesn't matter. It's a stupid thing anyway." He knows what Kushina has on her hand. If he looked he could see the characters right now. _Minato_. 

"Kushina? Kakashi?" Kakashi doesn't look up at Minato as he appears in the doorway, but Kushina does as she straightens up and smiles again. "Are you coming back?" 

The rest of the meal is awkward. Kakashi barely eats anything. He just wants to go home, before Kushina can bring up the fact he doesn't have a name on his hand again. 

"Kakashi?" He looks up from his half-empty dishes as Minato takes the empty dishes into the kitchen. "You know, there's a story someone told me as a girl." Kakashi wants to point out that he doesn't care, but he holds his tongue. He knows it'll upset her and therefore upset his sensei. "I always hated the colour of my hair. They used to make fun of me at the Academy for it, called me tomato. But then this person told me a story, about how they used to say that there's an invisible red string around everyone's little finger. It's the same shade as my hair, and on the end of that string is their destined one. So that meant that my hair colour was special, because everyone has a string the same colour around their finger." Kakashi raises his eyebrows and Kushina clears her throat, before giving him a wide smile. 

"What I mean is, maybe you just have a red string around your finger instead of a name on your hand. Maybe it won't be so easy but you can still find them." The story is so silly, so pointless, that it annoys him to even have to listen to it. His immediate reaction is pick holes in it.

"That's stupid. How can you have an invisible string, if it's red? Wouldn't that make it visible?" Kushina flushes slightly, looks a little embarrassed and sheepish, but it doesn't stop her replying. 

"I guess that is a bit silly, but it's nice too, you know? To think there's someone at the other end." It's not a nice thought at all, it seems even worse than names on hands. Tangled strings everywhere, to trip over. Being literally tied to someone without knowing it, being pulled around by them. The idea is repulsive. 

"No it isn't. Why would I want to be tied to some idiot? If there was an invisible string, which there isn't. It's stupid! You're too old to believe in fairy tales like that. Aren't you an adult?" His usual self-control, to not act on his irritation, be a controlled, emotionless shinobi like he should be, snaps. He is angry, trying to hurt her and Kushina goes even more red. She opens her mouth to object when he starts, feels the sudden presence of Minato in the kitchen doorway. His eyes are serious, his expression blank but Kakashi knows his face well enough to read what's behind it. Minato is angry, and angry at him. The unfairness of it, when Kushina was the one who started it, started this irrelevant conversation he didn't want when she knew he didn't, strikes him. He didn't want to talk about it! It's Kushina's fault, she just can't let him be. 

"I think you owe Kushina an apology." His tone doesn't broker dissent. Minato is not strict with him often, but he expects Kakashi to obey him when he is. His hands twitch, and he gets up. He knocks his chair to the ground, strikes it by accident with his elbow in his anger and goes for the door. Minato could stop him, all three of them know it, but he doesn't. He just stares at Kakashi, raises an eyebrow at his unusual fit of temper. Still waiting for the apology. The expectation doesn't press him on like his sensei's expectations usually do, wanting to fulfill them, to earn his approval. They keep his anger hot instead. He didn't do anything wrong! They're the ones who believe in fairy tales, in soulmates, in all that childish nonsense. Not him. 

"You both believe in childish nonsense and you'll regret it." Not the apology Minato wanted, and he sighs. When he reaches the door, Minato finally teleports, blocks the door off and pushes him back to the table. He tries to drag his feet but his sensei pushes him a little harder, and he finds himself facing Kushina again. Her face is still red, upset. Like a tomato. It makes him feel bad, then angry at her for making him feel bad. 

"Kakashi, why do you think I'm getting you to apologise?" Minato asks him. "Do you think I'm doing this because you got upset about someone finding out that you don't have a name on your hand? Or is it because you intentionally hurt Kushina's feelings when she was trying to help you?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It quite clearly does if you're getting this upset about it. How often have I see you lose your temper? I think I can count on one hand. You're allowed to disagree with us, but you need to respect others when you disagree with them. Are you going to lose your temper too the next time someone else finds out?" Minato's words wear him down. The increasing shame of his sensei disapproving of his actions, someone he respects so much, wants to impress. He hates it. Hates it more than the satisfaction of his anger.

With a sinking feeling, he drops into a deep bow to Kushina. 

"I'm sorry." The words feel scratchy, but he means them. He is sorry. She's a fool for believing in that stuff, but losing his temper is disgraceful. Emotions are dangerous, cause havoc, make missions fail and get people killed. He knows this. Let himself get blinded by them anyway. He should know better. 

"For?" Minato prompts. 

"For hurting your feelings and losing my temper." 

"Thank you, Kakashi. I forgive you." Her words make him glance up, and she smiles at him like he didn't just upset her. She really is a fool to forgive him so easily, to get hurt by his words in the first place. "I should also probably apologise too, huh?" His head snaps up at that. An apology to him? That's not what he expected, and Kakashi straightens up to listen to it. 

"I'm sorry for being so pushy about it. I guess I got over-excited because I was lucky and we found each other really easily. Even if I thought he was far too much of a flaky, girly boy for ages. I forget it's not like that for everyone else, you know? I won't tell anyone else either, it's safe with me! But I wouldn't worry! Strings, names, whatever, there's bound to be someone out there who's just right for you! You're such a determined kid, you're bound to find them some day!" Kushina grins at him, widely, and he glances up at Minato on instinct. He looks as surprised by her outburst as Kakashi feels, before his expression softens into a gentle smile. 

"You really are something else." The exchange makes him feel strange, uncomfortable, he looks away. "You're right as well. Don't get discouraged by it, Kakashi. If you want that person, you're bound to find them." A hand pats his head and he knocks it off, flustered, not wanting the attention. From two people who found each other so easily, it seems ridiculous. What do they know about it? Not that he wants to fall in love. It's stupid. 

"Can I go now?" 

"Huh? Oh, of course. See you tomorrow. We'll meet at the usual time, don't be late." He bows to both of them again and leaves. Kakashi shuts the door behind him, finds the cold air outside refreshing. He glances down at his hand. No stupid name on it, no invisible red string around his finger. He doesn't know how to feel about that, but he wishes people would leave him alone about it. Love doesn't matter. He thinks of Minato and Kushina, fawning over each other, feels his stomach sink slightly. He thinks of Jiraiya talking about Tsunade, acting like a kid. Love is the most ridiculous thing he's ever seen. 

He remembers, with a lurch, his father's hand. Cold. Dead. The blood smeared over his mother's name. He shakes his head but the thought doesn't go, and he feels sick. It makes him turn, walk away from their house as fast as he can, as if he can leave the memory behind there if he's quick enough. Love is ridiculous.

It can't save anyone.


	6. Part One: Chapter Six

The clouds float above in the sky, and he watches their shapes shift as they drift in the wind, lying on his back in the grass. A dog, a cat, a tree. He can hear the staff starting to shepherd the children back inside, but he wants to stay outside for longer. He lets his eyes fall shut, the wind brushes over his face. 

"Come on, time to get up." He hears the voice but keeps his eyes shut and ignores the command. He is generally well behaved, even if he sneaks around sometimes, and outright disobedience is rare from him. But today he wants to stay outside. He yawns when she asks him again to get up, then ignores her when she demands he does. What can she do about it?

Suddenly he is pulled up off the ground and he yelps. He grabs onto the grass with his hands, fingers digging in, pulling it up as she tries to lift him. He resists, makes every limb heavy as possible. She is angry, shouts at him, and it makes him angry too. He shouts, tries to go back onto the grass as she yanks him back. He wants to be outside.

"You're not fair! You're evil, you're mean, monster!" He throws out more accusations as she tries to lift his dead weight up from the ground. As she lifts him, he screams. It is loud, she nearly drops him and a strange energy is flowing through him. The feeling is not new but the strength of it is, overpowering and when he gets close enough to the ground to hit it with his hand, it cracks. 

The ground splits under his fist, his chakra spills out unconstrained with his anger and power, and the crack in the ground is so sudden and so large that they both drop into it. The staff member tries to catch him even as they fall and he lands on top of her. He's too stunned by the fall to to rage any further. He's in shock, and the hiss of pain from her makes him feel hysterical. Is she hurt? His stomach sinks. She's hurt. The shame hits him immediately, he didn't mean to, it's not his fault, he's sorry, he didn't mean to. His apologies pour out of him as he tries to get her to stand up, tries to get them out, shaking as he does. 

When the staff get them both out, they find out she severely twisted her ankle in the fall. He is completely unhurt, not even a bruise. He is so ashamed to have hurt her, and terrified of the punishment he's going to receive for it too. The staff look at him differently, afraid, as they get him changed, into fresh clothes that don't belong to him before he's pulled before the head of the orphanage. The clothes are too big. He has to roll the sleeves up to stop them falling down, as they take him to the office. Usually appearing in the office in such a state, wearing the wrong clothes as they try to fall down, dirt still on his face, would get him into even more trouble, but today the expected lectures don't come. Instead he is told that he will be sent to Konoha to be trained as a ninja. 

"We can't have someone with charka like that here. Too dangerous." The head of the orphanage states. He doesn't hear him because he is staring at the shinobi next to him, a dark haired woman in Konoha's uniform. He still feels guilty for injuring the staff member, but it is tempered by his surprise at his wish suddenly coming true because of his mistake. She nods and runs her fingers through her hair. 

"I can't take him with me today though. I'm on a mission – I shouldn't even be here right now. But I'll send a message back to Konoha and someone will collect him in the next few days." She frowns as she checks her weapons, mentally preparing to go back onto the road. "Are you sure nobody will mind him going?" The head snorts.

"He's an orphan. There's nobody to mind." The ninja doesn't reply as she taps her sandals against the table, then moves to leave. She notices him lurking by the door, and smiles at him. It's not a natural smile but he doesn't notice. Someone is directing their smile at him, unusual enough in itself, but it's also someone who will help him become a ninja – become someone useful, someone needed. She ruffles his hair as she goes out the door, the simple touch making him beam in response. 

"See you in a couple of weeks, kid." Then she vanishes in smoke and leaves, and he's too transfixed to hear the grumbling about the mess she's left from behind him. He's going to learn how to do that. He's going to become a ninja.


	7. Part One: Chapter Seven

The book is there, waiting for him. It's forbidden and it calls to him, even though Kakashi follows the rules so strictly. He's a voracious reader and this book, with its forbidden knowledge, is even more tempting than the average book. He pauses, listens to hear where his sensei is. He's laughing in the kitchen, followed by a clang as Kushina drops something. It's noisy, distracting. Usually he'd disapprove but tonight it gives him the perfect opportunity. He takes one last look around as his hand reaches out, brushing against the spine of the book, as if it's accidental, before pulling it off the shelf and shoving it under his shirt, pushing half of it under his waistband. It's ungraceful, a poor hiding place, but he just needs to get it out of Minato's house. He only needs a few seconds to escape before he can put it more neatly into his bag. 

He picks up his bag, slings it over his shoulder and tries to act normal as he calls out he's leaving. Minato and Kushina peer out from the kitchen, both surprised by how quickly he's going but not stopping him as he goes, wishing him a safe journey instead. The book feels like it's burning against his skin as he catches Minato's eye before looking away. This is the first time he's deliberately ignored his sensei's rulings and he already feels guilty. Not guilty enough to put the book back, though. Instead he leaves, running to a safe distance before pulling the book out from under his shirt. In the dark of the evening it looks like any old book, but he knows it has the secret that's being kept from him, and it sends nerves and excitement through him. As he removes his bag and puts the book away, he tries to ignore the guilt from stealing a book from his sensei, given to him personally by Jiraiya and even signed by him. He'll put it back before Minato even knows it's gone! He can read it all tonight, and beside, he's practically an adult already. He's been a chunin for years and he'll be a jounin before long, that warning on the back that it's forbidden to anyone under eighteen doesn't apply to him.

Kakashi slips home in the darkness like someone with a guilty secret, sticking to the shadows, unwilling to get caught by anyone. The last thing he needs is Guy appearing to challenge him when he's so close to finding out. When he arrives home he starts reading as soon as the door is shut, not bothering to unpack his bag and clean his weapons like he usually would. Whatever is in the book is too important to wait. It's like a mission, it's got to take priority. He drops his bag on the floor one-handed, the book in his other hand as he reads. The first chapter doesn't have what he's looking for, whatever it is. In fact it's boring, but he resists the urge to skip ahead. So far it just appears to be some sort of romance, a beautiful woman and the man who wants to be with her. The kind of sappy, sentimental thing that he hates, just like the names on everyone else's hands. 

Despite his contempt for sentiment he keeps reading, pulled in despite himself. By the third chapter he's in rapt attention. A longing that he's not acknowledged since his father died re-emerges as he reads about the hero, who doesn't know if he can love the beautiful woman like she deserves, and certain that he can't be loved by her. To love someone else, something more dangerous than any S-Rank mission. Something that just like the hero, he doesn't think he can do. Not that there's anyone he wants to love like that, but that doesn't help his longing as he keeps reading. 

It doesn't tell him what the secret is. He's already aware of love, how dangerous and risky it is. He still needs to know what happens next, if the hero discovers that he can love again. He's got a mission tomorrow morning, he's supposed to get up early to meet Minato, but he keeps reading. When they finally confess to each other the tension that's built up in him since he started reading finally breaks. He sags a little and then rolls off, without thinking, straight onto the floor in his daze and the rush of feelings it brings out in him. Kakashi doesn't get up, but starts reading again, eager to find out what happens next. It's midnight. He should be asleep by now, but he's got to know how they're going to celebrate their love. 

He turns over the page to start of the next chapter, expecting to find a solution. Instead he finds flowery words, a sudden obscuration from the story so far, which he's been able to follow without any problem. He tilts his head, trying to figure out what's going on, before turning the book ninety degrees and seeing if it makes sense from that angle. It doesn't. He turns it back to its normal angle to read from, but it still doesn't make sense. There's a lot of positions, of strange gushing feelings, of 'hotness'. Kakashi can't picture what any of it looks like. 

"Huh." He flops back onto the tatami in defeat, the book resting on his chest like a pet cat, and wonders what's supposed to be going on. Is that the secret that everyone is keeping from him? That adults make weird poses with each other in private? He can't imagine what it means or why they're doing it, or what a 'secret spot' is, unless she's about to pull a hidden kunai out of it. Unlikely, this book isn't about ninjas. Instead of answering his questions, it's just raised more. Maybe if he reads more, he'll understand it, and he picks up the book again, trying not to worry about how he doesn't understand what's going on. It's a rare feeling for someone who analyses everything, in detail, to try to keep control of the world around him.

He finishes the book that night. He's unable to sleep until he does, despite knowing how much Minato will disapprove of him being half-asleep in the morning. In the cold light of the morning, when he drags himself out of his bed and to their meeting spot, it seems like a terrible idea. He didn't learn enough from the book, it was just romantic nonsense after all. Despite that, the book is in his bag with all the equipment he needs for this mission, and knowing it's with him is strangely reassuring, almost protective for all its nonsense. He brushes off Minato's concern for the dark circles around his eyes, the mission is easy enough that he doesn't have to think too much, just do. It's only once they're finished, when Minato asks him to wait for him while he finishes off business in the village that's hired them, that the tiredness starts to touch him. 

The tree that he's waiting in, with Minato's seal next to him in case of an emergency, is secure enough that he starts to drift off, before pulling himself awake. He can't sleep, he's on a mission! He slaps both his cheeks with his hands to try to wake up before looking across the village. He notices the sign for a bookshop on the building opposite the tree. He stares at it, a sudden and intense urge to go in striking him. He's on a mission, should be waiting cautiously for Minato to come back. The books call to him, just like Jiraiya's book did yesterday. If he wasn't so tired he'd act wisely, staying where he is and waiting for his sensei to come back. He's tired enough to act foolishly and he slips down from the tree to go inside. 

The bell on the door rings as he goes inside and he nods to the shopkeeper, trying to not look suspicious as he does. Ninjas are common here, it's close enough to be a stopping point, but not so close that he'll be caught in here by someone he knows. He wanders around the aisles, trying to focus on finding the book he's looking for. He's not sure what it is, exactly, but he'll know it when he sees it. Something that's clearer than Jiraiya's book and tells him what he's not supposed to know yet. The smell of books is comforting, familiar, and the quiet of the shop a respite from the world outside. It's enough to relax him, let himself browse without fear that he'll be found out for disobeying his instructions on a mission for a personal errand.

He moves towards the section called Health, then pauses at the first bookcase under that board. There's a book, quietly sitting there in its blue cover, and something about it calls out to him. He gently eases it out and looks at the title. 'A Boy's Guide to Growing Up'. Vague, and he's probably seen more than most boys his age already, but not suspicious in itself. He doesn't feel certain enough to look through it in public. The blurb is vague but promises a lot, including how babies are made along with how to shave. Both are things he doesn't know, despite all his training. As he goes to the till he makes up a cover story for himself. It's not for me, it's for my little brother, my mother asked me to get it. 

The shopkeeper isn't interested, sells it to him without question. He'd almost be disappointed if he didn't know that the best cover story is staying silent, to let the other person make up their own story that fits. The receipt goes in the front of the book, the book goes into his bag, and Kakashi slips out of the shop like he was never there. Minato hasn't returned yet. He's managed to get away with it, and he hops back up the tree with a sense of achievement. He's found a guide, something to explain the mystery. Even better, he found it away from Konoha and its watching eyes, reporting back to Minato.

A few minutes later Minato arrives and they set off back to Konoha. Kakashi is too distracted by the thoughts of Jiraiya's book and this new book to say much. Minato is unusually quiet too, as if thinking about something. It'd make Kakashi suspicious if he wasn't so entangled in his own thoughts, to see Minato so deep in thought after such an easy mission. 

They arrive in Konoha at sunset, stop at the point where their paths split. Kakashi waits for the dismissal, to go home and start reading again. Minato is still considering something and he continues to wait. Minato finally turns to him with his hand open in a demand.

"The book, Kakashi. Show me what you brought." Kakashi freezes, staring at his sensei, trying to judge if he can pretend he doesn't know what Minato means and get away with it. Minato meets his eyes, without wavering, and Kakashi realises that he saw the whole thing. He got there while Kakashi was in the shop, sensed he was in there, and hid himself away to see what he was doing. The shame of not realising he was being watched, of thinking he could outsmart Minato, makes him flush and his shoulders sag. He takes his bag off and pulls the book out, putting it in Minato's hand without meeting his eyes. "Thank you."

He hears Minato open the book, the new spine cracking, and he glances up. He catches Minato checking the receipt in the front with relief.

"I wouldn't steal it!" He can't help defending himself, and Minato looks at him sceptically. 

"You stole my book though." Of course Minato noticed that. It was foolish to pretend that he wouldn't, and it embarrasses him into silence. Minato flicks through his new book, before freezing on one page and blushing as he snaps the book shut. He's not sure what caused his sensei to blush like that, it embarrasses him even more. He looks down and finds the book being put back into his hands. 

"Here. This is, well, it's okay to want to know about these things. Uh, you're a...growing boy. You can keep this one." His sensei sounds so uncertain, so unlike his usual calm and it makes him feel even more awkward, unsure of what to say in response. "I need the book you stole back though." Without a word he takes that book out too and hands it to Minato. Minato looks at the spine, previously untouched, now clearly read and lets out a noise that's almost despairing in response.

"You already read it? Jiraiya-sensei, next time I see you...Anyway, you know you can borrow my books if you ask, but you knew I wouldn't let you borrow this one. It says it's forbidden to anyone under eighteen on the back. You might be a prodigy but you still have to follow the same rules. You're not eighteen yet. Understand?" He doesn't get told off by Minato often, and he's never been told off about something like theft before. The shame sits in his stomach like a lead weight as he nods in response. He can feel it show on his face, enough to make Minato ease down a little.

"It's not just that, it's, well, Jiraiya-sensei exaggerates in the books. Real life isn't like that, it's a lot more complicated. Don't use it as a guide, it's a fantasy. It's like the names on people's hands, it doesn't make it that ea-" 

"Minato-sensei, please don't." Kakashi can't let him finish, even if he's being told off. He doesn't want to hear about the names, he's had enough shame for today. He doesn't want to be reminded that he's a freak without one. Minato relents, looking a little concerned as he ruffles Kakashi's hair, which he doesn't fight like he usually does. He can tell Minato wants to say more about the characters but he holds back, realises this isn't the moment for it. Kakashi has avoided the topic ever since that dinner. If he can have his way, there will never be a moment to discuss it any further.

"Okay, lecture over. You can go home now. See you tomorrow." He bows in response, deeper than he usually would. A recognition that he's been in trouble and Minato has kindly forgiven him, before rushing off home. The shame and guilt are sticking to him as he arrives home, enough that he doesn't start reading as soon as he gets in. Instead he does things properly. He cleans and organises his kit for his next mission, makes his dinner and checks on his ninkens before he starts reading. 

He flicks through to the section on how babies are made, something that he doesn't know and hasn't thought about much before. It always seemed like it was someone else's problem. He reads through the text before pausing on the illustrations, bringing it all together. Suddenly the strange scenes he couldn't understand makes sense and he flushes. Is that how it happens? It makes sense, when he thinks about it, men and women are different down there after all, but it seems like a let-down after all that mystery. That's all it was, a penis and vagina? That's what everyone was so excited about? He sighs and lets the book drop out of his hands onto the floor, trying to work out what could be so interesting about it. 

‘When a man and a woman love each other very much, they can decide to try for a baby together.' A man and a woman who love each other very much. As soon as he thinks of the book's words, two people instantly appear in his head. Minato and Kushina. Two people who love each other very much, have their names on each other's hands. Two people, then, who have probably had sex, tried for a baby together. The realisation knocks the breath out of him and he stares at the ceiling, stunned by it. He can't imagine them together, parts meeting, it's too much, but the realisation that they could do it, that they probably have done it, makes it suddenly go from distant and unreal to immediate and very real, alarmingly close to him. 

He picks up the book again, wanting to think about something else, not wanting to consider Minato, Kushina and their possible baby. His thumb runs through the pages until he stops on a random page. ‘Some boys like boys in a romantic way, and some girls also like girls in a romantic way.' He pauses on it, the words sound familiar, more familiar than anything about making babies. He's heard of this before. It feels uncertain, but less frightening and he keeps reading. The book tells him it's normal, just another way of being, as valid as the getting married, having babies, names on hands way of living. Something else to think about, as he finishes the chapter and puts the book down on his chest. 

"Another way." He doesn't say anything else, his hand resting without thinking over his heart. Another boy, the idea of it clearer in his head than making a baby. 

Minato. 

His name comes to him out of nowhere, all alone, the smile he gives him every time they meet for a mission. Blue, warm eyes, blonde hair shining in the sun. Just Minato, Minato focused on him and him alone, enough to make his stomach drop even from memory alone. Minato's fingers in his hair earlier, a gentle touch, messing his hair up even more, ruffling him inside as much as his hair. 

He shakes his head, tries to shake the thought right out of his head. The smile lingers in his mind, despite remembering the name on Minato's hand, how bold and unwavering it is, _Kushina_ , his soulmate. He remembers the story of Minato saving her when nobody else could, her long red hair tying them together, and the blank, empty space on his own palm. He lets out a groan at how his stomach feels heavy. It's like it's filled with his feelings and he turns on his side to ease it. The book drops off him unnoticed. A strange feeling, heavy like a rock, weighing on him oppressively, crushing his other thoughts and yet strangely empty in its content. Just three words.

Minato. And Kushina.


	8. Part One: Chapter Eight

"You need to work on sustaining the jutsu. Starting it is easy, sustaining it is the challenging part. Focus!" The way his sensei nags him makes his spirits sink for a moment, exhaustion clear on his face. They've been outside together for an hour practising by the lake, he's been working non-stop to fully master this water jutsu. The chunin exams are soon, so soon that even someone as young as him doesn't get a break. His sensei's tough, a battle-hardened jounin who's seen everything, with demanding standards and high expectations for him. She tells him to try again in a sharp voice. 

"You can do this, didn't you graduate from the Academy already? Focus! Do it again!" He scrunches up his eyes, willing himself to one more try, even as he feels ready to collapse on the spot. His desire to please her, to gain her approval is stronger than any tiredness. He opens his eyes with a long breath before trying again. He goes through the signs again, steady and correct, right until he realises one of them is wrong and the jutsu puffs out before it even starts. He lets out a noise of dismay, his heart sinking at getting it wrong after all the practising they've been doing. It's written so clearly on his face and the sag of his shoulders that his sensei takes pity on him. She knows she's pushing him, his disappointment at his failure will motivate him more than her shouting. She knows he wants to do his best.

"I'll show you once more - only once, watch carefully!" She steps forward, the sun shining off the water of the lake onto her as little patches of clear, pure light. She flicks her wrist, stretches her fingers to loosen them before she starts, and the light catches the silver characters on her hand. They shine so clearly that he can read them, though he doesn't know what they say. She strikes him as beautiful in that second. He sees her in a way he's never seen her before, he wonders about the person she is, beyond her status as a jounin and his teacher. Her personal life is a mystery to him, intentionally so on her part. 

He wonders what those characters mean, in words, in their purpose and in her feelings, before his attention snaps back to the fingers and the signs she runs through. She's slow enough for him to read them with ease, before the water bursts out of the lake with an almighty crash. It draws a sudden childish glee from him, a small whoop. He's supposed to be calm and focused when he's practising but he can't hold it back. His sensei shoots a grin at him in response, the cheeky genin she once was peeking through before she snaps at him again.

"Now, your turn!"


	9. Part One: Chapter Nine

Obito has the look of someone who's trying to find the right time to say something that's important to them in a casual way to hide its importance. A hesitant but eager look, his whole body fidgeting with the effort of trying to play it cool. Kakashi has no idea what it could be, nor does he care what it is. All he knows that it will inevitably be stupid and unrelated to the mission they're on. It's only a D-Rank mission, no Minato required, a chance for him to do some important war work, but that doesn't mean they can slack off. Obito finally decides they've walked in silence long enough that he can ask, and he opens his mouth, the first syllable of "Rin" on his lips, when Kakashi interrupts him.

"Shut up. We're on a mission, don't ask stupid irrelevant questions." The direct hit strikes Obito hard but he bounces back immediately, challenges Kakashi with quick anger.

"It wasn't a stupid question!" 

"So it was just irrelevant then?" Obito falters for a moment and Kakashi snorts. He hopes it's enough to stop Obito from talking about whatever idiotic topic he's got on his mind. Rin steps in to meditate, her sense of fairness falling on Obito's side this time. 

"Kakashi! You should let people speak before disagreeing with them." Obito gives Rin a quick, adoring look, which she doesn't notice, either by chance or by choice. 

"Yeah! Anyway, I wasn't talking to you. Rin, what do you think the names on our hands mean?" As soon as he hears the topic he removes himself from the conversation. He races ahead of the two of them with a sharp comment about wasting time on a mission gossiping. Rin's eyes follow him for a moment, he can feel them assessing him, before she looks back to Obito. He can't see Obito's expression but he can guess it well enough, trying to hide just how eager he is to know the answer. The thought of it, of Rin and Obito sharing thoughts on something so simple, something that everyone but him has, makes his stomach curdle in a way it shouldn't. He's done so many missions, he's fought so many battles, he's practically an adult now, knows most of the answers. A lack of something as pointless as a name on his hand doesn't matter. There's a gap between Obito's question and Rin's response, long enough that he's not expecting her to reply when she does.

"Everyone says they're supposed to be the name of your soulmate. But not everyone meets that person. They might die before you get to meet them, or they're too far away for you to ever meet. People marry people whose name isn't on their hand, and they're happy too. Maybe it doesn't matter that much." The silence that follows is heavy with the thoughts of all three of them, even Kakashi's as he pretends he's not listening. He's never heard anyone suggest that the name on everyone's hand might not matter at all before. He's not sure what to make of it. There's a logic to it, with so many people in the world, you might never meet anyone with that name. Didn't his father say that it wasn't the only person who'd love you - he cuts the thought off, anger flaring up at the memory of his father lying to him. His father didn't love him enough to stay alive, to not leave him all alone. Some love. 

"I guess." He can hear Obito distantly through his anger as he tries to bury it down again to stop him from making mistakes, bad decisions, anything based on his emotions. Obito sounds unsure, as if he doesn't know if that was the answer he wanted. "Haven't you hear about those people though, the ones that don't have any name at all on their hands? Isn't that creepy? Maybe it's because they don't have a soul at al-" 

Kakashi spins around to grab Obito and pulls him up close, fast enough to hiss in his face. 

"Shut. Up." Kakashi hears the noise in the trees above them and his eyes flick up to check. Enemies above them, who crept up on them because Obito couldn't shut his mouth for one minute. He throws a kunai at the noise he can pinpoint, hears the soft thud as it hits someone and a noise of pain. He drops Obito before snarling "do your job!" and grabbing his sword.

An attack is usually not a relief, but this attack is one he can be almost grateful for. A chance to let out that anger, that negative emotion, the indignity of being called soulless by someone who can barely defend himself. The end of an attack he can't defend himself from to one where he can. 

Obito doesn't mention the characters on their hands again.


	10. Part One: Chapter Ten

His sensei is late. She's a scrupulous timekeeper, always drills him on the importance of timely arrivals, and on the rare occasions where he's been late she's not held back in telling him off. Even worse when his only excuse was oversleeping. He's never done that again.

He waits patiently in their meeting spot, not far away from her home, scoots up into the branches of the tree when it's clear she's late to avoid the curious gazes of passer-bys. He counts the minutes to himself, letting his legs swing over the branch as he sits down in the kind of childish gesture he's not allowed to make when his sensei's around. He reaches fifteen minutes. It would be normal lateness for most people but alarming for someone who's such a stickler, and he hops down before running in the direction of her house. 

He's not supposed to go there, she is a shinobi with a clear and unbreakable divide between her personal and professional life. He is firmly in the professional part, not admitted into her home life. There is none of the coddling, or comforting, he sees some of the other jounin-senseis give their charges, even the ones who are much older than him. It seems reasonable to him most of the time. He's a fully-fledged shinobi and not a regular child, but he feels envious when he sees the genins receiving the kind of relaxed, loving attention he's never received from his sensei. It's never relaxed with Ishii-sensei. He respects her deeply but there's a layer of formality between them that the others don't have.

As he approaches he hears shouting, arguing and a scream that could wake the dead. He immediately thinks the worst, that someone's attacked his sensei and runs faster, and finds himself bumping into a man as he reaches the door to her apartment block. The man is shouting up the stairs as he hears another ear-splitting scream and a bag is launched directly at the man. The man catches the bag at the same time as he steadies him with an arm, stopping him from falling over, before looking down at him. A flash of recognition passes over his face and he doesn't shout at him, like he's fearing he will from the overheated situation.

"She's being a psycho today, kid, you should go home."

"Don't you dare try to manage my student, you worthless piece of-" An itinerary of swear words follow that shock him, from someone who's usually so in control of her emotions. As he peeks out from behind the man, he's a little scared of her. The air around her is steaming, her hair is almost standing up on end. She looks like a demon. The man shakes his head, although there's a hint of fear in his expression, and brushes past him to get out of the building. His sensei is breathing heavily but her hair is starting to calm down, the air cooling down now that the man is gone. He waits to see what she'll do now, too afraid to approach her as she slowly deflates and then finally notices him again. He fears a lecture, maybe one on the level of the shouting he heard, but her voice is quiet when she speaks.

"I'm late. Sorry. Come in, give me five minutes to get ready." He climbs up the stairs with apprehension, but her rage is gone and she just looks tired. Usually she's hard to read but this morning she's not. Everything is on her face and it's embarrassing for him to see her with her guard down. A little scary too, seeing her change in front of his eyes, from someone so solid and consistent. As he enters the apartment it's messy, he has to step around clothes thrown on the floor, but the mess is concentrated around the door, like it's only just happened. The throwing of items during an argument. Whatever happened here before he appeared, it was loud and messy, and he'd be curious if he wasn't so unsettled by it. His sensei goes into another room to get ready, calls to him that he can get food from the fridge if he's hungry. Usually she expects him to arrange his own breakfast and eat it before missions, she'll cover meals while they're out but his duty is to come prepared for missions, so the offer feels strange. 

He goes to check the fridge anyway, for something to do in the awkward atmosphere. He finds the food inside it is perfectly organised, grouped logically for easy access. It is just as he would expect from her. It confirms that the mess in the hallway is an exception, and as he pours himself some milk he is careful to not make a further mess. He finishes his milk just before she comes into the kitchen, now in her full uniform, and before he can say a word she bows deeply, a formal apology he's not expecting. 

"I'm sorry. It was inexcusable for me to be late for our mission. I've caused you a lot of trouble." He fidgets awkwardly, not sure how to respond to such a formal apology from his sensei, of all people.

"You don't have to-" 

"I'd expect an apology if I was you." She straightens up from the bow, her expression serious but the previous emotional excess gone. "I've always told you, being on-time is a sign of respect, for someone else and for their time. That's as true for me as it is for you. Rank is important, but respect is even more so." He's used to her philosophy on rank and respect, understands it, but he's still uncomfortable. He didn't expect his sensei to be so different this morning and it unnerves him. "Let's go. I got our mission earlier, we can head straight out." He nods and follows her out of the kitchen, before she pauses and pats herself down, then pats all over her vest to find something. 

"My water scroll, crap..." He joins her in looking around for the scroll, knows exactly which one she means, and finds it under a pair of socks. He hands it to her silently, the light catching the silver lines on her right hand as she takes it. His eyes follow the lines and she catches him looking, before letting out a tired noise.

"I don't think he's the right one. It's hard. I hope you were given a better one. Anyway, the mission, let's go." He has no idea what she's talking about. When he asks she quotes rule twenty five at him, kindly but in a firm way. Whatever emotions were present this morning are now to be ignored. Despite that the atmosphere is still heavy. They are both occupied with their thoughts, as they make their way out of Konoha, and as they past the Hokage's Office, she clears her throat.

"Pop quiz! What's the correct way to address the Hokage? Remember, out of all the ranks, this is the most important one and therefore the most important to get right." This isn't unusual for them to do when they're travelling. Growing up an orphan outside of Konoha for the first couple of years of his life means he's not as well-versed on some of the finer details of shinobi life. It's a way of developing his knowledge, plus she's as much of a stickler for correct address as she is for time-keeping and wants to know he can do it properly. 

"Um, their full title the first time you address them, and then sir or ma'am afterwards."

"So, how would you address the current Hokage?" 

"Third Hokage, sir, and, uh, I'd do a deep bow afterwards?" He's trying to remember but when he first met the Third, he was three and wasn't expected to know any of this. 

"The title would be fine, no special bow required." The two of them spin around and find the Third behind them, who looks a little awkward as they both bow deeply despite his advice. 

"Third Hokage, sir!" He glances over at his sensei, surprised that they both said it perfectly in sync. 

"That was in perfect sync. Clearly you're a team that works well together." The compliment makes him flush with pride, and even his sensei looks a little proud of getting a compliment from their leader. "I saw you, Ishii-san, and realised you got your mission before we issued the warning today. So I thought I'd tell you personally so you knew."

"Ah, I'm sorry to trouble you." 

"It's not a problem, I should have thought about early risers like you. There were several cases recently of teams with young ninjas going missing, all under the age of thirteen. Their senseis have vanished with them. Most of them have been genin, but he's young enough to be at risk too. So be careful and if you hear anything, please tell me. It won't be wasting my time." The Third moves from looking at his sensei to him, and then looks a little apologetic. 

"Sorry, I was trying not to tell the children but as a chunin, I think you can handle it. Plus your sensei will take care of you." 

"Of course!" His sensei sounds certain and he tries to look certain too, but the thought that someone is out there, targeting him because he's a child, makes him feel nervous. He's been on battlefields, he knows how dangerous being a shinobi is, but being singled out only because of his age feels different. 

"Then, I'll leave it in your care Ishii-san." His sensei bows again and he follows her lead as the Third leaves them. They're silent for a moment, recovering from the surprise of their leader appearing to talk to them personally, before his sensei addresses him.

"He's right. I will take care of you, so don't worry. You're the number one in my life, and I will protect you without fail, even if it kills me." The statement is so blunt, so direct like she tends to be but so caring in a way she usually isn't, that he stares at her in response. She looks at him back, tilts her head to try to understand what he's thinking, before giving him a light tap on the head.

"Idiot. Did you really think I didn't care about you? I'm not one of those senseis who gushes over their charges, it's not how I lead, but of course I care about you. You're my student, you're very talented and able, that's why I push you so hard. And I'll protect you from any creep trying to kidnap you. So you really shouldn't worry." He's never heard anyone say so explicitly that they care about him. Even his chunin-sensei didn't. A smile spreads wide on his face before he hugs her on instinct, wanting to share just how much he cares about her too, like a normal child would. She's not one for hugs, physical affection, but even as she lets out a sigh in response, as if he's being ridiculous, she ruffles his hair and puts an arm around him. It is just like he imagined it was for the genins with their senseis, but it's happening to him for real now. He's happy.


	11. Part One: Chapter Eleven

They are returning back from a mission, silence deep over them like a blanket of snow, when they both make the same turn, right at the same time. They pause for a moment and look at each other. Kakashi looks away first, the guilt hitting him as freshly as if it was new. 

"Let's see him together." He nods and follows Rin as she starts walking. She leads him along a route he could easily walk in his sleep by now. When they reach the memorial they stop, and he sees Rin making a quick prayer before she looks for his name too. It's just a name, engraved on a slab of rock, but he reaches out and touches it carefully, as if doing it will suddenly bring Obito back. It won't, the only traces of him left now are his name here and the eye in Kakashi's left socket. He has so many regrets. So much time he wasted fighting with him, never appreciating what he could do, what a good person Obito was while he was being the asshole prodigy. Rin knew that. Rin knew the whole time and he should have listened to her. When she speaks now, as they look at the memorial to the dead, he listens, his full attention on her.

"I have his name on my hand. I found out, just after...that someone at the Academy told him that I didn't have his name. He couldn't bring himself to check, didn't want to find out who his rival was and hate him. He must have thought it was you." Rin looks him straight in the eye and he resists the urge to look away, to avoid the truth. He knows that it could never be him on Rin's hand. Maybe if Obito had known. Maybe if he had told them both the truth, that he had nobody, everything would have been different and Obito would still be here. 

"I know you don't have anyone on your hand." His stomach suddenly drops at Rin preempting any confession he can make now. It's far too late to do any good, and his fear of being caught again is finally realised. 

"You knew?" He sounds so surprised that it forces a smile out of her, a small sad one.

"Your reaction when he said people without names didn't have souls, it made me wonder. It made me look, and when I was looking, I saw it. Or didn't see it." 

"I should have told him. Maybe it would have saved him, maybe he wouldn't have been so reckless." Rin shakes her head, a forgiveness he doesn't deserve and won't allow himself to have.

"He would have tried to save you anyway. That's who he is...was. See? The names don't guarantee you'll get to be happy with that person. You might still be happy with someone, Kakashi." 

The tears are rolling down Rin's face, but she doesn't seem to have noticed. She is not the person he could be happy with, they both know that. The grief that binds them together is something else. A different force pulls them together, the absence of the third person. Obito's eye is watering as he allows an instinct he usually ignores, to provide comfort. He pulls her closer to him, shielding her from the world while she cries onto his chest. There's no more words between them that day. There's nothing more they can say.


	12. Part One: Chapter Twelve

The screaming starts again. He screws up his eyes tight, trying to block out the screams by thinking of something, anything, that isn't here. It's not enough. It's never enough, nothing can stop him hearing the screams. He's heard people die before. It's unavoidable when he's been a shinobi for so long, but never like this. The slowness of the dying, the fact he can't help them in any way is the worst part, the screams slowly turn into moans and then into nothing, leaving an eerie silence until the next child started the cycle again. He hasn't seriously thought about dying before, he learnt quickly that morbid thoughts were counterproductive to staying alive as a shinobi. If he had, he would have pictured himself dying nobly to save others or quickly on a battlefield. The kind of death a ninja is supposed to have.

He never expected that he would die like this, slowly and for reasons he doesn't even understand. He knows he will die here, in endless agony. He's seen too many of them dying after appearing to get better to hold any delusions that he's any different. He can't do anything, his chakra is blocked, he's trapped in this tube as he watches the others die without any hope of rescue. He doesn't understand why he's ended up in this situation, what's been done to him or why he's dying. He dreads any sort of new pain, the pain that might signal that the branches are coming, that they will burst out of his back soon. He's seen it happen to others, and they all die shortly afterwards. Two days at the most, not that he can accurately count days in this constant darkness.

The only relief he has, even if it can't stop him hearing the screams, is in his memories. The memories of the orphanage, of Konoha, even of the most terrifying missions he'd been on before that's still better than this room, and in the characters on his hand. A sign from the outside world, a reminder of something, anything beyond this place. He doesn't know what they mean but he gazes at the characters for hours, just about able to see them, wondering about them. Maybe it's a sign, maybe a farm will matter in his future. Cows, chickens, rice fields, wheat, sheep. A kindly scarecrow watching over all of them. It's a vision so hopeful that it's nearly unbearable, with the squalid reality around him, of knowing he will die, and yet he doesn't let it go. 

It is a hope, enough of a hope that when the pain increases he pleads silently, to anyone who can hear him, to save him. He doesn't want to die, he wants to live, he wants to escape. He pleads to the dead, to his sensei, to the parents he's never known, to rescue him. Anyone.

**Anyone?**

An unknown voice in his own head replies, a voice that makes his eyes snap open as the pain reaches a peak. He screams as something bursting out of his back. He knows it's the branches, he knows the voice won't save him, even if it's someone else's. He will die, the branches will kill him, and he's pleading with them now, please stop, I want to live, please don't kill me. I want to see the future. The pain stops, as sudden as if he's died, and he's afraid that it's taking him even faster than the others, until a vine appears by his face, visible from the corner of his eye. It is not thrusting, not taking over, demanding. It uncurls towards him, stopping in front of his eyes, developing at speed from a vine into a branch, buds growing on it. He's never seen this happen with the others. He's afraid but there's a glimmer of hope. The buds burst open in a flourish of life, making him gasp. 

Cherry blossom. Just like there was on the trees before he was stolen from his life. For the first time since he's been kidnapped he starts to silently cry, still afraid of what this means but that glimmer developing in something more as more branches, not an alien creature hurting him but a part of him, grow around him and bloom. There might be hope, he might survive. The blossom and the word on his hand, a sign from outside, and from the future. 

He is lucky. He survives the branches but none of the others do. He is the only survivor after the rescue. Of sixty children, he is the only one who gets a chance to grow up and live. It's an incredible burden. He doesn't understand his new power and at first he doesn't want to understand it. For the first time, he's learnt enough. He doesn't want to know anything more, it's too much, he just wants to forget what's happened to him. It's only as the mokuton starts to overwhelm him that he realises he doesn't have a choice. He must learn how to control it or die. He doesn't learn what the characters mean. The intensity of how much they meant to him is so painful that he has to push it away, to forget them. Unlike the changes in his body and his new life, there is a choice, he can refuse it. 

He refuses it. The word, the dream of the farm, the kindly scarecrow watching the fields, and tries to forget it. It is the only choice he gets to make during his first year in Root.


	13. Part Two: Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally reached the ANBU era. It's all go from here. 
> 
> Kakashi's self-loathing is also all go from here, but it's no more extreme than canon. There's a couple of references to feeling suicidal from this point on too but it's not dwelt on at length or explored in detail.

_In the snow_  
_Softly drifting,_  
_Hot cheeks buried:_  
_Love, for me_  
Ishikawa Takuboku

Part Two: The Dark

Kakashi stares at the ceiling, trying to will himself to sleep but too afraid of his dreams to fall. He still dreams of Rin, of his hand bursting through her as she throws herself onto Chidori. He doesn't expect to even stop dreaming of it. He doesn't deserve better dreams, but part of his mind doesn't sink into the guilt like it usually does. Mokuton, he thinks to himself, a word filled with the promise of the unknown. The power the village needed since the First Hokage died and yet never regained. Until now.

"Mokuton." He lets the word roll out on his tongue. Even the word alone sounds like a living thing, new roots, new life bursting from the branches. It's enough to make him get up and out of his futon, to the window where he lifts the blind enough to see the trees outside. Life, he thinks, that's what it means. Vigorous, overpowering life. Life so powerful that nobody else could handle it, could survive it, apart from one. Kinoe.

He lifts the window sash open as he thinks of the younger boy, leaning out into the fresh night air. Another secret, another mystery of the village, but one who's too important to be hidden away in Root. He spared his life, the first time he's spared a life in ANBU, even as he tried to kill the Third. Why did he spare him? The mokuton matters, of course it does, the village needs him. The nine-tails is a threat to all of them, even when it's locked away in Naruto. It's logical to spare him, it's what he should do when someone will be useful later. That logic didn't stop him from killing every single rival ninja he cornered, even the ones who could have provided them with vital intel. A future ally too, maybe, but that's never given him pause before either. Especially not a potential ally hidden deep within Root. Maybe it was mercy, that quality he's not shown since Rin's death, while trying to hide his pain by being as cold and ruthless as possible. It could be all those things, mixed together, are why he spared his life, but they don't explain he's still thinking about Kinoe. 

It's an emotion he hasn't felt in so long that when he realises what it is, it surprises him. It's curiosity. He's curious, about this boy who's appeared out of nowhere, with great power and an unclear, murky past despite his straightforward manner. He can't remember the last time he felt interested, really interested, in someone's life since Rin and Minato died, maybe even earlier than that. Who is he, beyond his code name? Members of Root aren't supposed to have interests, dreams, they're not even supposed to have a past and a future, but surely he had them, still has them deep down. What are they?

With a sigh he leans further out of the window, arms dangling over the sill as he looks out over Konoha, watching the lights go out in distant buildings. Where is he? What is he doing right now? Is he on a mission, doing some nefarious deed for Danzo, or is he in bed, asleep? Does he have nightmares too? A noise makes him snap out of his thoughts, looking through the foliage of the tree by his building. It is a quiet shuffle of feet, so close to silent that most wouldn't notice, but he hears it and feels the chakra of someone trying to hide their existence. He's felt for the last few days that someone is following him, and that someone isn't Guy trying to pull him out of himself. It could be an ambush but the intent is different. It feels like he's being watched, observed for some future purpose. It could be someone sent by Danzo to keep an eye on him, but as long as it's just watching he can do it for as long as he wants. He looks up at the suspicious spot, where the shadow seems just a little off after close observation, and notes that whoever is watching him is very good at hiding.

"Did you want something or are you just watching? I don't care if you are, but I'm boring to watch." The shadow pulls back for a moment, before moving back again, more visible this time and following his arms as he straightens up on the sill. Despite his words, he's ready to defend himself if he's misjudged the situation. The shadow pauses before hopping silently onto a lower branch, and another until he's less than a metre from the window. The streetlights pull the shadow out of the darkness, revealing a small ANBU in a cat mask.

"Kinoe." The name comes out before he can think about it, his voice a little surprised from summoning him like this, just from thinking about him. The figure nods.

"For now. Here." Kinoe motions to him to put his hand out and he does, putting his right hand out without thinking, without gloves to hide his lack of a name. Kinoe doesn't notice as he clasps his hands together, whispering "mokuton" before pulling something out of his hands and placing it carefully on Kakashi's palm. It's a tiny wooden kitsune, with a face just like his ANBU mask. Kakashi doesn't understand why he's received this gift but he's gentle as he turns it over in his hands. The wood feels solid and just a little warm from its creation. He looks back at Kinoe, and he can see the tension in his limbs as he waits for Kakashi's response, eagerness barely restrained by his training. It's strangely cute, cute enough to make him drag out his response a little longer just to tease him.

"Thanks. Can he have friends? A dog, another dog so they don't get lonely, maybe a dragon, even a cat, how about a wolf?" There's a groan behind the cat mask that makes Kakashi smile.

"It's tiring! Nobody understands that, they think it doesn't cost me anything." There's childish indignation in his voice, exactly how a member of Root shouldn't behave. He likes that.

"Thank you. Really. You're very talented." There's an awkwardness in Kinoe's body language as he shifts again, one which says compliments are unexpected and rare, and it's endearing. Is he blushing under his mask? 

"It's nothing. Now go to sleep, don't stay up all night again." The sudden strictness from a kouhai is funny too, making Kakashi rub the back of his neck at getting told off by him. Wait, all night again? That means Kinoe's been watching him for longer than he realised. It'd unsettle him if it didn't feel so harmless. 

"Maa, maybe it was because someone was watching me outside?" This time he's certain Kinoe is blushing, even with the porcelain of his mask hiding it, as he hops away up the tree with a firm "good night". He leans on the window sill as he watches him go, vanishing into the darkness of the night, and he wonders if he's actually going or if he'll be waiting outside all night. It's strange but amusing, he's reluctant to shut his window and go back to his futon, to wait for his nightmares to find him again. He wants to put off returning to his guilt for just a moment longer, so he picks up the fox and examines it. He wonders if it's some sort of spying device, a way to keep tabs on him. There's nothing that stands out as one, but Kinoe must know how to make trackers. Despite that risk he keeps it anyway, putting it on the shelf and heading finally back to bed. He'll just remember not to talk about missions near it. 

Over the next few weeks, the collection of wooden animals grows, with every animal he's suggested and some he hasn't appearing on his window sill. Then there's no more animals and no other sign. No waiting in the shadows. Kinoe vanishes again.


	14. Part Two: Chapter Two

He has a new name. It's the first name that he's almost chosen for himself. A name that's nearly his, a strange feeling. The first name he's received from two people who are interested in him for anything more than the mokuton or for whatever reason they took him to Konoha from the distant orphanage. His memory of his life before the experiments is nearly all gone. He remembers remembering more, but not what the memories were. Only that he came to Konoha as an orphan with a mysterious chunin vest. His life feels like it started when he woke up in that tube, and in Root even that didn't matter. Now it can matter to him, but it hasn't brought his memories back. They're gone, and maybe it's for the best that they are. He can build his own life with his new name, create new memories instead of mourning what's gone.

He is outside the briefing room with his team. They're all waiting for Kakashi, their captain, to tell them what they need to do, and there's a buzz of excitement around them. He wonders if everyone feels it when waiting for Kakashi, that mixture of nerves and excitement, when the door opens and all heads turn to see Kakashi walking out. He looks unfazed, just like always, by the eagerness of his kouhais to impress him, and starts issuing directions to them, reminding each team member to look out for each other before they shoot out. He comes to him last, and his back straightens in anticipation, hoping that being the last person means he's going on a mission with Kakashi. Their missions alone together are his favourite, even if it means they're the most dangerous ones. It's still a chance to be with Kakashi and have his attention. Although that attention is mostly Kakashi teasing him, he's sometimes nice to him too. 

"Yo, Tenzo." 

"Kakashi-senpai!" His face lights up as he stands to attention, ready for anything, and Kakashi's open eye curves in that way that makes his heart sink. He knows Kakashi's expressions too well to miss what this one means: he's about to be blown off. 

"Sorry, it's a solo mission. Suspicious body retrieval requests from a forest that no missions were supposed to go through this week. Go in and check what's going on, but avoid revealing we've noticed. Only engage if they attack first. Okay?" Tenzo feels disappointed, after the high of hoping he'd be going with Kakashi, but takes his mission without arguing. 

"Yes. Where are you going?" Kakashi rubs the back of his neck, about to give him bad news, and his heart sinks.

"It's a long mission. I've got to infiltrate and it'll take at least a week to get there. So a couple of weeks, probably a month." Tenzo looks down, trying not to look disappointed but failing like he usually does when Kakashi is involved. Not that he's supposed to be disappointed. Kakashi is the best, of course the Hokage wants to use him on a mission like this, and he can do it solo too. "I'll be back soon enough, you needn't worry. This isn't your chance to steal my role as captain, you'll have to wait longer for that. A lot longer." 

"Of course I won't do that!" He's a little exasperated by Kakashi's teasing but he can see Kakashi smiling in response. He's enjoying poking his serious kouhai before he leaves for a month and he gives his hair the lightest of ruffles. 

"Good. Who knows, maybe I'll get you a souvenir too. Hmm, how about an eggplant?"

"Eggplants aren't souvenirs, senpai." 

"No? They should be. See you later." As he turns away, Tenzo opens his mouth to reply, only to get cut off by a wave of Kakashi's hand. "I know, I know. I'll see if they have walnuts." Kakashi remembering his favourite food is unexpected enough that he just manages to get out "take care" before Kakashi is gone. Kakashi remembered that? He's seen Kakashi forget birthdays, meeting places, how to get to meeting places, white day, festivals, there's a definite theme emerging in what he forgets when he considers it, but he remembered something as minor as that. He looks down at his hand, palm open, before pulling his thoughts back to his mission and closing his hand. He needs to work hard, do his best, and make the mission a success. No distractions. It's what Kakashi would want him to do.

The mission isn't a success. Nobody dies but there's no clues leading to who's responsible for the bogus requests. It's too serious to be left, so a surveillance unit is called up and he leads it. He's young to be leading a team, but with Kakashi away he's the Hokage's choice, and he wants to do the best possible job. Even if it quickly turns into one of the most boring missions he's ever done. 

By the sixth day, he's starting to flag and so are his team. Nothing happens. No ninjas of any kind past them as they wait, and no new requests are received in the village. He hears his team whispering behind him. They're not supposed to be chatting on a mission, but so little has happened he's laxer than he usually is. They're young, this is one of their first missions, and he's sure he can scare them back into behaving if they go too far. He can't hear exactly what they're saying, something about names, and his gaze slides back to check what they're doing. One taps on the palm of the other's hand, just above the wrist. The other looks at her before mumbling "really?". 

"You two, stop that." His voice is quiet and low but severe, and the two jump apart, snapping to attention with whispered "sorry, captain". The atmosphere feels heavy, like he just caught them doing something intimate, and he mentally files the moment away. Are they a couple? Relationships between ANBUs aren't forbidden, it's hard to meet people outside when you're working as one, but they need to watched, make sure they don't cause trouble. He'll have to check when they get back, whenever that is. He resists the urge to groan at the thought of this mission going on for any longer. He's not supposed to get bored, he's supposed to stay patient, but this, this is boring. 

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if Kakashi was here...he squishes down the thought. He's on a mission. It's not the time to be thinking about Kakashi, even if the thought makes his stomach feel like it's turning over. The thought of Kakashi touching his hair again, this time letting his fingers linger, moving down the length of it all the way down his back making his cheeks feel warm. Definitely not the time. No matter how much this mission is making him think of Kakashi because there's nothing else for him to do as they wait.

Two days later, they're finally recalled to Konoha. Some sort of mix-up, wrong boxes ticked on reports and requests, a problem created out of paper. Tenzo is as relieved as his team to be back, hoping that his next mission will be something better, something that can distract him from Kakashi being gone. It's ridiculous, they're both gone on long missions before, and a month is nothing. It's not as if he's counting on his calendar, waiting for the day when he should be back with eagerness. Or having Kakashi wander into his dreams with increasing regularity and intensity, to the point he woke up with a cold, wet feeling and the thought of Kakashi's lips, moving slowly down him lingering in his mind as he shoved his clothes into the washing basket, embarrassed and trying to forget it. 

Like always, Kakashi is late. A month turns into two, and Tenzo starts to wonder if he'll ever come back. In one particularly desperate moment, he wonders if he imagined Kakashi, and that he'll wake up to find he's still in Root, trapped there forever. As soon as Kakashi steps foot back into the Fire Country, the news rushes through the network of ANBUs. All of them are gossips and all of them are eager to see Kakashi back. Tenzo tries to not look like he's waiting for his return as he makes his own way back with his teammates from another mission, but there's something in their voices as they talk about Kakashi coming back that makes him feel they've noticed. A teasing hint that he ignores, since he can't get his senpais to stop like he can his kouhais. 

He's distracted in their debrief, just enough that they make another comment about how pleased he must be to see that Kakashi's back as they leave, forcing him to put his mask back on so they can't see his blush. It's enough of a give-away that they laugh, before noting that Kakashi has finished his debrief, has already headed back home. He makes a soft "ah", as if the news doesn't affect him, but it does, and his exit takes him straight in the direction of Kakashi's home. His body moves on instinct right until he finds himself in the tree by his window. 

He pauses, wondering if he's too eager, too keen, if he should go home and come back later. What if Kakashi wants to be alone? What if he's busy and doesn't want to see him? What if he realises that he's been dreaming about him as soon as he sees him and kicks him out? The thoughts make him freeze, doubt stopping him from moving down and knocking on the window like he wants to. 

Kakashi opens the window just as he's about to go, looks out and spots him right away. His expression's hard to read, before shifting into something less open.

"Tenzo?"

"Welcome home." 

"Ah, isn't that my line? It's my house. Come in." Tenzo steps over from the branch, onto the sill as Kakashi goes back into the room and lets him climb in. 

"Sorry to intrude." Kakashi waves his hand at the politeness as Tenzo takes his mask off, blinking at the sudden brightness while his eyes adjust. Kakashi looks tired, like he's close to collapsing in exhaustion, and he almost excuses himself when Kakashi suddenly brightens up and interrupts him.

"So, what's this? Showing up out of nowhere, when you should be getting ready for bed after a mission? Is this the start of your rebellious phase? Ah, youth, it was probably about time it happened." He's not sure what he expected Kakashi to say, but teasing him about entering a rebellious phase isn't it. Though he should have, based on how Kakashi actually treats him versus his imagination, and he tries to not look disappointed by it. 

"That's fine, though. Are you hungry? You can tell me about your mission and I'll tell you how you could have done it better." Tenzo looks up, meeting the smile in Kakashi's eyes and not being entirely convinced by it. The words raise his spirits enough to overlook it for now.

"You'd have done it perfectly, senpai." Kakashi blinks and then looks bashful, a slight flush on his cheeks as he looks away. Tenzo is used to Kakashi being self-effacing, but the blush feels new, different after all his thoughts.  


"I wouldn't, I just do what I can. It's really not much. I didn't even get the eggplant." 

"Walnuts." 

"Those too." Kakashi turns and starts digging through his cupboards, while Tenzo takes his sandals off, carrying them over to the front step and then settling down on the tatami by the table. He's been here before but never for this long, with enough time to look around properly. The apartment's bare. The only signs that Kakashi lives here are the bookcase, the wooden animals he made sitting in front of the books, Kakashi's kit on the floor and the photo of his old team. If Kakashi was in the room, he wouldn't dare to look so closely, but while he's busy in the kitchen he takes the opportunity to look at the photo. He knows who they all are, but Kakashi is the only one he's known personally. He knows that Kakashi has Obito's eye - everyone knows that - that Kakashi killed Rin and that the Fourth died defending the village, but the rest is all rumours and half-heard stories. In the photo they look happy, apart from Kakashi. It reminds him of how cold he'd heard Kakashi was, back when he was in Root. His eyes linger on Minato for a moment, the Fourth before he was the Fourth, before going back to Kakashi. 

The plastic pot being put down next to him startles him. Kakashi follows to where his gaze was and shrugs slightly before sitting down on his right on the next corner of the table with his own instant noodles. Tenzo feels like he's been caught doing something wrong and he blurts out an apology.

"I'm sorry."

"Why? They were my team. You can look at them. So, tell me about the mission." It's a direction, one that Tenzo takes as they eat, away from the painful territory of the past and onto the more certain ground of work. Despite the way Kakashi looks like he's about to fall asleep, his gaze is steady on him and he bats off Tenzo's questions about his own mission. By the time they finish eating, Kakashi is starting to fall asleep. His gaze drifts and his eyes flutter shut before they jerk open again. Tenzo wonders when he last got to sleep properly, the urge to take care of his senpai strong even when he's his guest, and he gathers up the empty pots before Kakashi can object. The pots are thrown out, the futon comes out of the cupboard, and Tenzo shakes it, sets it up as he feels Kakashi watching him. He looks over as he fluffs the pillow before putting it down, and sees Kakashi watching like he's never seen him before. It makes him blush before he looks away, pulling the cover back and standing back up to check it's all correct.

"Tenzo..." The soft voice makes him blush even more, moving over to the door to leave as Kakashi follows him, sudden awake again. "You're making me look like a bad host." 

"You've worked hard today." He puts his sandals on and he realises that he doesn't want to leave. Not just yet, with Kakashi looking at him in a way that's almost soft. It's enough to follow up with his own words. "I wanted to help, you really have worked hard." 

"Ah." Kakashi hasn't looked away, a little red peeking out from behind his mask, before he leans over to open the door for Tenzo. He's considering something, Tenzo recognises the expression from their missions, before he goes for it. "Please go and come back." The words startle him, his face going bright red before Kakashi pushes him out of the door and shuts it firmly behind him in a fit of...embarrassment? He's not sure and he stares at the door for a moment, his heart beating a little faster. He can't remember anyone saying that to him before, he's never had a home with people to return to. Despite the way Kakashi pushed him out and shut the door in his face afterwards, he's thrilled and he replies before he leaves. It's the wrong way around, but he's never had the chance to say it before. 

"I'll leave and come back."


	15. Part Two: Chapter Three

Their hearts are racing as they pause, take a moment to look back, assess the danger. It is so clear, the sun is so blinding as it shines off the snow. It makes Kakashi squints, trying to see what's in the distance. It'd be easier with two eyes but he needs to reserve all the chakra he can, and he glances over at Tenzo. Tenzo catches the glance, alert as ever to his movements, and nods before addressing the rest of the team, covering for his temporary lack of visibility. 

"Looks like that was their whole first strike team, but their rear guard will catch up. We'll need to split up if we're going to extract our hostages before they alert the guards." The other three ANBUs look at each other, before one of them raises the question he expects.

"That's a big risk, senpai. They're strong, there's a lot of them. If we split up, our rear guard will have to hold them off alone. There's no chance of back-up, the team going ahead won't be able to backtrack without blowing the whole operation. They'll kill the hostages." Kakashi looks away from trying to see through the snow-thrown light and summons Pakkun, who complains about how cold it is before snapping to attention.

"Sorry. I need you to track the rear guard following us." He doesn't need to tell Pakkun anything further, he knows what he'll need from long experience. The team waits as Pakkun sniffs the air. 

"Boss, you got a lot of them following you. About an hour away, probably twenty? Hard to tell from this far away."

"Are they heading straight this way?" Pakkun pauses, sniffs to check again, before frowning.

"They're swerving, not moving in a straight line." Kakashi lets out a breath, turning into vapour in the cold air, before turning to the team.

"We covered our tracks enough. You three, go ahead. Our priority is getting the hostages out, but don't take stupid risks."

"Kakashi-senpai, you're the one taking a stupid risk here." The ANBU in the bird mask is as blunt as ever, and he's right, but it doesn't change his plan. It's a risk but it'll divert attention from the rescue team and improve the odds of the hostages surviving. 

"It'll improve your and the hostages' chances. We'll take it. Pakkun, can you track down the rear guard for us and report back?" Pakkun grumbles about the snow but sniffs the three team members he doesn't know before darting off, ready to track them if he needs to. "We'll catch up as soon as we can." The three look at Tenzo too. Tenzo shrugs and then pulls his cloak in a little closer to stop it sliding off him in response.

"He's the captain, not me." The words strike him as funny, considering Tenzo is already showing signs of being a much better captain than he's ever been. Leadership sits more easily on his shoulders, it balances better, he doesn't swing between too strict and too lax, like he has. The three ANBUs look at each other before nodding, and shoot off into the snow. As soon as it's just the two of them, the atmosphere eases and Tenzo relaxes slightly, not trying to set an example.

"Good point. Since when are you leading my missions for me?" Tenzo lets out a slightly exasperated noise as Kakashi takes his mask off, wincing at the cold wind as he does and stamping his feet. 

"You couldn't see through the light with one eye. How much more can you use your Sharingan today?"

"Enough to stop us from dying. Probably." 

"That's not helpful." Of course it isn't, but he can't help it when Tenzo rises to his teasing every time, unable to stop himself from reacting to him. Tenzo makes a noise of complaint and takes his mask off, letting it hang around his neck as he scans the horizon behind them. "Nothing yet. Let's take the high ground." 

They look for the best spot, spying a large tree with a big enough branch for them to stand on comfortably. An ideal spot to wait for an ambush, even if in the cold of winter the branches are bare of any leaves to help hide them. The two jump up into the trees. Tenzo turns to watch the horizon again before a full body shiver runs through him and he scoots along the branch. They're standing close to each other, trying to reduce their profile as the cold wind whips past them. It's almost too cold to snow and Kakashi rubs his hands together, trying to get some warmth back into them. His hands are cold, it's not just the lack of a name that makes him wear gloves all the time, but Tenzo has the hottest hands he's ever encountered. Any object handled by him even for a few seconds feels as warm as if he's held it for hours, anything that can melt will melt in his hands. It's a mystery if it's the mokuton, the First's cells in action or just Tenzo being Tenzo and having freakishly hot hands for someone who has a natural affinity to ground chakra, of all things. He checks his kunais and he swears there's ice on them. They're freezing, he needs to warm them up.

"Hey Tenzo, show me your hand." Tenzo looks at him, slightly confused but turning his hand out to Kakashi, palm out. He places the kunai on his palm, Tenzo looks at it and then at Kakashi. "Warm this up for me again."

"What? You can't just ask people to warm up your weapons for you." But he has, and despite his complaint Tenzo lets his fingers curl around his kunai. He could probably get any of his kouhais to do this, and he has in the past just for the way it annoys them. Tenzo takes it more seriously than any of them. He watches as Tenzo places his other palm over the top of it, spreading more heat onto it before leaning down to blow on it, vapour forming little puffs in the cold air, like he's trying to warm up a living thing. It's a level of care it doesn't deserve. It's just like when Tenzo tries to do his washing-up, or when he set out his futon that night. He didn't deserve that care either, and yet Tenzo did it regardless of that, just like he's doing now. 

"There." After a minute Tenzo is happy that it's warm enough now and hands it back to Kakashi carefully. The metal is warm, feeling more alive in his hand as he tucks it back into its pouch, before taking out the other one and handing that to Tenzo too. "Seriously?" 

"Please." Tenzo frowns but he takes the other kunai too, holding this one properly with two hands to warm it up. It's more direct, less like holding a small animal, but it's almost tender with how much care Tenzo is taking. His eye moves to Tenzo's face, which has that calm, steady expression now he's got over his grumpiness about being asked to do this, before catching Kakashi looking at him and a small smile spreads on his lips as he looks back at his hands. There's something about that smile that makes him want to touch Tenzo, to take care of him like he's taking care of his kunai, and the chill wind that's starting to pick up makes him feel even colder. With a soft sigh he decides to act on his urge, his hands going under Tenzo's cloak and pulling his back up against his chest before his arms link and rest around his waist. Tenzo startles. He tilts his head to try to assess Kakashi's expression, if this is some sort of prank, but doesn't push him away.

"I'm cold." He is cold and Tenzo really is warm, his chest warming up from the heat of his back pressed against it. Despite being on a mission, despite that they're waiting for a group of people who want to kill them, Tenzo accepts the explanation silently. A blush grows in his cheeks as he moves Kakashi's hand to pass him back his kunai. Kakashi accepts it, puts it away in its pouch before settling back in against Tenzo's warmth.

He probably shouldn't be doing this. Definitely shouldn't be doing it on a mission, using Tenzo's hero worship like this. He knows Tenzo respects him, probably too much considering what a failure he is, thinks that he can do anything, wants his approval deeply. He recognises the signs from his own youth. Tenzo looks at him like he looked at Minato, the hero worship that shifted into something more. His first real crush, on his sensei, so brilliant, so talented, so handsome, so far away from his reach. So happily married with his wife on his hand. Too untouchable for him to reach out and find gilt stuck to his fingers. 

He is not untouchable like Minato. If Tenzo has a crush on him, he will end up failing him, like he failed Rin. He shouldn't encourage it, but it's probably too late. He likes Tenzo, his friendship, his calm in nearly any crisis, the way he fusses over him, his clear-headedness. Tenzo will go far, and he wants to help him get there. He doesn't want to back off, even if he should. 

"Are you warmer yet?" It's a way out but Tenzo doesn't sound eager for him to move away. He doesn't take it, rests his chin on Tenzo's shoulder and leans slightly in to the long, dark hair brushing against his cheek. It's cool against his skin, but it must be keeping Tenzo's head and neck warm. He's a little envious.

"A little." Tenzo is staring towards the horizon, like nothing unusual is happening, but his cheeks look red from more than just the cold. It's hard to tell what kind of embarrassment Tenzo is feeling, if he's embarrassed about being close to him or too embarrassed to get him to stop. Tenzo lets out a huff of air, before adjusting his cloak with his hands and moving to adjust Kakashi's. The sudden blast of cold air makes him shiver, an "oi" in response at being exposed to the harsh elements and he presses up closer to Tenzo. Tenzo stops, Kakashi knows he's dangerously close when his chest is pressed up so tight to Tenzo's back and shifts his hips back, easing away from any trouble. It's enough to let Tenzo start again, and their cloaks are forming a full barrier as his hands go back under the cloaks, back to the warmth. They fidget before settling close to Kakashi's hands and then on top of them, just like he warmed his kunai.

It's a determined move, reflected in the way Tenzo doesn't look at him as he does it. He doesn't want to court rejection. Kakashi's too surprised to reject it, despite how much he dislikes attention drawn to his hands, his refusal to let others hold or touch them, even more than the rest of his body. This doesn't feel like that. He doesn't feel that Tenzo will want to look, to check, to see what's on his hand. Tenzo only seems to want to do it because it's him, as he is in his eyes, someone who's better than he really is. It's a little painful, knowing how he'll disappoint him, but it doesn't stop him from turning over Tenzo's hands, interlacing his fingers with his.

"They're cold." Tenzo is blushing heavily, so embarrassed that he just about manages to get the words out.

"Ah. Sorry." He doesn't move them though, his face feeling as red as Tenzo's looks, even if he can hide it more. Tenzo doesn't move to unlock their fingers either. The sky is starting to cloud over and they both watch silently as the grey clouds drift in. Their mutual warmth and closeness is a reassurance that'll be broken if they say a word about it. The snow finally starts to fall as Pakkun returns, calling up to them and snapping them out of their mutual, silent being. 

Pakkun looks suspicious as the two split apart, Tenzo extending a beam down to let Pakkun climb up to join them. He gives his report - twenty ninjas, mostly chunins, a couple of jounins leading them, nobody evil or that strong - before giving Kakashi a look. He curves his eye into a smile, trying to discourage Pakkun's suspicions but only confirming them. His dog disapproves of him fooling around on a mission, and as Tenzo checks the ground beneath them, checking if it's stable enough to set up a trap on, wastes no time in telling him that. 

"It's not the sort of thing that even a genin would do. You're old enough to know better boss."

"He didn't mind."

"Of course he didn't, that's half the problem. It's going to cause trouble. You'll hurt him if you don't take care." The words are so close to his own thoughts that they're a direct hit and he tries not to wince. Pakkun is right, he's known him long enough to understand.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"It's not me that you'll have to apologise to."

"Kakashi-senpai! I think it's solid enough I can set up a trap!" The two look down on Tenzo, hands cupped around his mouth to project his voice up to them through the snow and the wind. His cheeks are red, his eyes sparkle, there's snowflakes in his hair and a smile on his face, despite the awful conditions. Kakashi feels his heartbeat pulsing in his head as he looks at him, almost wishing he couldn't see this too. Tenzo is happy to be here with him, and despite the snow, the wind and the cold, he's happy too. He'll ruin it, he knows he'll ruin it, whatever he does now he'll end up hurting Tenzo, but he can't turn away from that face.


	16. Part Two: Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the chapter that justifies the 'significant haircut' tag. Please enjoy.

They're waiting for their cue, hidden away in the shadows. Tenzo is hiding in the cupboard, serving as look-out. He's still short enough to do this, just, but he's getting taller. Hiding like this isn't as easy as it was a year ago, soon he won't be able to do it at all. He's waiting for the occupant of this apartment, a low-ranking ninja with hardly any chakra at all. He just managed to graduate from the Academy and ended up in one of numerous administrative roles that Konoha has for its sea of unending paperwork. In short, he's not the kind of ninja ANBU has to deal with often.

He might be a nobody in rank and ability, but he has access to the archives. Access that he's started using to his advantage. He's stealing rare scrolls and sounding out a buyer for them, someone from outside the village who'd be willing to take the risk of discovery for the potential reward. Perhaps he thought being a nobody would stop anyone from noticing him, but he's wrong. He's been building traps too as he waits, not the kind of jutsu enhanced ones they usually deal with, the kind regular people use, but they're still dangerous and they're nearly certain that he's booby-trapped the scrolls themselves too. They can't get him until they're sure the traps on the scrolls are disabled, they're too rare and valuable to be lost to the village by a botched rescue.

There's the scrape of the key in the lock, the door opens. He stills himself, alert to every single sound as the lights click on. It is nearly silent, the sound of footsteps passing by the cupboard he's hidden in, a sigh and then the soft thumps of knees on the floor. There's a scratching noise, his ears alert as he tries to picture what's causing it. Some sort of hidden recess in the wall? The thunk of wood on the floor confirms it, the rustling of paper suggesting he's pulling the scrolls out.

"Now, pretty ones, let's make you safe before you go to your new home." 

Is he talking to the scrolls because he thinks he's safe or because he knows someone is here and he wants to lure them out by making them think he doesn't know? It's a call he can't make yet, not enough information and too much risk involved. He hears the crinkle of paper, like he's laying the scroll out to look at, and he moves silently to look through the crack of the door. Tenzo can just about see what the ninja's doing, part of him is obscured but he can see him peeling a paper seal, he'd guess an explosive charge from the characters he can see, off the scroll with careful, agonising slowness. Are they all using the same seals? They look like standard seals so they shouldn't be particularly resistant, but if they're still attached to the scrolls they'll destroy them. Best to wait until he's peeled them all off. As long as that might take. 

Tenzo's legs are starting to cramp after waiting so long as the ninja goes through the scrolls but he keeps perfectly still. By now he's sure that the ninja thinks he's safe. The relaxed expression on his face isn't affected. It's the expression of a man who really is comfortable and secure in his home, not one waiting for a group of ANBUs to ambush him.

There are only three more scrolls left in the pile. The waiting feels endless but he's patient, as soon as that last seal is gone he can give the signal and finally get rid of this cramp in his thigh. The muscle's twitching and he's desperate to rub at it, to move, it takes all of his willpower to stay still. It's a risk when hiding like this, that the cramped conditions can distract him at that final moment, and he prays that he will be too tall to do this soon. Two more scrolls. The seal sticks a little on this one and it takes a bit more work for the ninja to get it off the paper, so carefully to stop it from tearing and damaging this priceless work.

There's a crash, from somewhere outside and the ninja jumps, cursing as he nearly tears the paper but managing to get it off before pausing. Tenzo doesn't jump but it makes him antsy. The sound is a bad sign, something going wrong. That's confirmed with another crash as someone slams through the window. It can't be one of his team, but if it is, he's going to kill them later. He catches a glimpse of a Konoha headband and uniform, no mask and realises that they're not the only people who have noticed that this ninja's up to something. Instead of reporting it however, like a sensible genin should, he's decided to personally intervene in the most flashy, trouble-making way possible and potentially blow their whole operation in the process. He curses as both the thief and the intruder leap to their feet, glass everywhere. The intruder moves to attack the thief, he gives the signal and throws himself out of the cupboard straight onto the thief. 

There's an "oof" before he's thrown back, slamming straight into the wall as the explosive charge hits him in the chest. It knocks his breath out for a moment, though it's not powerful enough to injure him through his armour, before he tries to pull himself up onto his feet. There's resistance from behind him, like he's stuck to something, and he tries to pull forward when there's a sharp pain in his scalp. He lets out a hiss as he stops, shuffling back and focusing on the situation. He's trapped by something stuck to his hair, possibly, sticking him to the wall, but that can wait. Tenzo's eyes flick towards the fight between the intruder and the thief, who are both terrible fighters. Fine, the others can resolve that. The scrolls are the main objective and he clasps his hands together, calling on mokuton to pick them up and pull them over to him. There's another small explosion as he does, one of the seals exploding, and he shields the scrolls with his beams before pulling them out of the way. 

It's only been a few seconds since he signalled. It feels like longer, even as the other ANBUs leap in through the broken window and pull the two ninjas apart. One in a bird mask comes over and lifts up the scrolls, gathering them all up before slipping out of the window with them before the two fighting ninjas can see her doing it. 

Mission accomplished, the scrolls are safe. Although he's probably still stuck and an attempt to pull his head away confirms it with another sharp burst of pain in his scalp. The other ANBUs bundle the two ninjas away, just leaving him and their captain behind in the previously spotless apartment, now with scorch marks on the floor and glue everywhere. 

"Ah, one of the traps got you? Still, good work." 

"Captain, how did he manage to break through the cordon to ambush our target? That's sloppy. What if either of them were any good at fighting? He might have killed our target, or got himself killed before we could do anything." He isn't distracted by the trap he's stuck in, he can't hold back from criticising such a oversight, even if it didn't cause the mission to fail. She should have prepared for it. It's probably a failure of another individual, but as captain she's responsible for it.

"You really are fearless. Some people think you shouldn't talk to your senpais like that." 

"Why should that matter? If he died, nobody would care who was what rank, just who was responsible. We're all shinobi here." She hesitates for a moment, before letting out a sigh and taking her mask off. She looks aware that she's failed in something as basic as securing a corden even if the mission still succeeded. 

"You're right, Tenzo. I failed. We are all shinobi here, and I'm sorry to get you into trouble like this." Her apology sounds sincere, enough to stop him from berating her any further about it. He's not afraid to challenge his superiors, but he's reasonable about it too. That, and he's definitely stuck to something and will need her help to get unstuck.

"So, I'm going to take a closer look." There's a definite hint of amusement on her face, despite her previous worries, as she crouches down next to him and starts to examine what's behind him. He tries to look behind him but he can't move his head enough to get anything more than her hair and he sighs before looking forward. He can hear her hands bang against the wall. There's a tug of his hair, too, that makes him wince and she apologises for before she gets up again.

"It's a glue trap. It's not a fancy one, no chakra involved, but it's very strong glue. It's, how do I put it. Your hair is glued to the wall." He freezes, looks up at her with big eyes, and she rubs her cheek awkwardly. "We'll probably have to cut it." The words send a cold fear through him. Tenzo has never thought about it before, never needed to, but he's always had long hair for as long as he can remember. It's been trimmed before, but this is more radical, the sudden change when it's been the same for so long, one of the few things that's stayed the same, and it makes him anxious. What if he can get it off the wall without cutting it off? It might wash out, with the right shampoo! The wall is only paper, it's not brick or concrete. He can probably break it down enough with mokuton that he can move. 

He clasps his hands together, calls on mokuton one more time, to the surprise of his captain, and buries the beams into the wall, ripping through the paper and wood until he feels his hair move again. Freedom. Then the weight of the parts of wall still attached to his hair starts to pull down on his scalp and he wavers for a moment, pain shooting from his head. His captain reaches over and lifts up his hair, and the mess that's stuck to it. 

"Tenzo, I don't think you'll be able to get it out." This time she doesn't sound amused, just concerned, but it's not enough to put him off. He might be still able to fix it.

"I need to try." 

"Let's go back to headquarters. We can try there, if you insist." Their progress back is slower than usual as she carries his hair for him, like a footman carrying a king's robe, a few steps behind as they keep to the shadows in the streets instead of in the trees like they usually would. His head is filled with concerns, and none of them are about the failures on the mission even as he quietly debriefs his captain as they walk. He's not a vain person, what he looks like hardly matters when he's an ANBU and as far as injuries go, losing most of his hair is at the bottom of the list. It still bothers him. He must have had short hair at some point, really short hair that didn't even reach his chin, but his past is all lost to him. What happens if he loses it now? How much of a part of him is it? He bites his lip, he knows what's really worrying him, even more than the fact he's never had short hair before and his aversion to changing it. Kakashi. 

Kakashi pausing one day, as they pass each other in headquarters, just after that hostage mission in the snow, taking a second look at his hair before declaring he liked it. 

"I like it, your hair suits you. Makes you look less plain." 

It was the kind of strange, slightly backhanded compliment he's used to getting from Kakashi. Meant to wind him up, but still a compliment. Enough of a compliment that he's still thinking about it now, as he faces losing his hair. What if Kakashi doesn't like his shorter hair? What if it makes him look ugly, unappealing? Plain? All those things that might be wrong with his appearance that he's not supposed to care about. His only relief is that Kakashi isn't here, he's on another mission elsewhere, so he can't be a witness. Maybe he can pretend he just decided to cut it, without any mention of getting stuck to a trap involved. Then Kakashi will never know, even if he thinks his new haircut is ugly. It's unlikely, considering how gossip spreads in ANBU, but it's possible. Tenzo has to think it's possible because he knows he'll never live it down if he loses his long hair because of this.

Headquarters is quiet when they return, the rest of their team has gone ahead to return the scrolls and report, the other teams are finished or still out. His captain pulls out two seats, putting them back to back, before getting him to sit down and resting his hair on the back of the other chair to stop it dragging down on his scalp. Despite his earlier criticism of her, the way she's taking care of him and just not making fun of him is flawless. Maybe he was too harsh on her earlier, even if she did fail to secure the perimeter for their mission properly. The mission matters but so do your comrades. Even if the threat is just an unexpected haircut. She walks a circle around him to check on his hair, trying to assess the best way to deal with it. 

"We can try washing it to see if that dislodges the glue. It'll get the paper out anyway." He's about to reply when he suddenly hears a familiar voice at the door that makes him freeze.

"Hey, what's going on - pfft." He shuts his eyes as he hears that snort of laughter, feeling his face going bright red as Kakashi tries to stifle his laughter. He wants to crawl away and hide in some dark corner, pretend none of this ever happened. It is the first time he can remember that he wants Kakashi to go away, which naturally means he can hear his footsteps as he walks over, as his captain tells him off for laughing at him. 

"My bad, my bad. How did this even happen? Tenzo, you took half the wall with you. He he he." 

"Kakashi-senpai." There's a warning tone in his captain's voice that he appreciates, even if it nearly guarantees he's going to be made more fun of later.

"Sorry, sorry." Kakashi stops laughing but that doesn't mean he's not still amused by the situation. He's too embarrassed to open his eyes again, until there's a painful tug on his hair that forces them open. 

"Ow, hey!" 

"That's really stuck." He turns as much as he can to glare at Kakashi for pulling on his hair, who looks like he's still trying not to laugh. He even has his headband pulled back up, two eyes available to watch the farce that is Tenzo's life. This is exactly why he didn't want Kakashi to see him like this and he wants Kakashi to go, not to face this kind of humiliation in front of and from his crush. He catches his captain's eye, who's watching them closely, and the look on his face must be desperate as she steps in, blocking his view of Kakashi. A barrier between them.

"Senpai, I'll fix this, I'm responsible for it. We'll need to report afterwards so please, go ahead of us." Her words are polite but there's a firmness in them, an unexpected protectiveness. He's not used to his senpais trying to protect him. He's reliable, he might be younger but he's experienced and doesn't need to be coddled. Compared to his previous experiences this is so minor, something to be forgotten in a week or so, but his captain is taking it seriously, trying to help while Kakashi is just being unhelpful. There's a silence, one that makes him want to see their faces, but her back blocks his view and he can only guess at the silent conversation that's going on between his senpais. Kakashi can say a lot without saying anything out loud. He's always surprised when others can't read it and they're always surprised that he can. With his captain blocking his view, he has no idea, and it's awkward, enough to make him decide to intervene when something drop from his hair onto the floor. The bang is loud enough to break the silence.

"You need to report, you're the captain, but Tenzo already briefed you on the way back. You can tell them that it succeeded, none of the scrolls were damaged, but a genin managed to break through your cordon, and whatever else he said. You don't need him there." 

"You followed us." Tenzo's voice is flat. It's a statement and not a question considering Kakashi just covered everything he said in his briefing. He covers his face with his hands for a moment. Of course Kakashi would have seen them and then followed them back to headquarters, it's just the way his life is. It was foolish to think he'd get away with something this embarrassing happening to him without Kakashi finding out immediately. 

"It was unusual to see two ANBUs on the street and one carrying the other's hair. I had to follow in case anyone needed help. Anyway, you can go report while I fix Tenzo's hair." It takes him a moment to realise that Kakashi is volunteering himself to do this. No, it almost sounds like a demand, and he looks at his captain to assess if he's right. She looks uncertain as she steps away from Kakashi enough that Tenzo can see him again. There's a look he doesn't recognise in Kakashi's eyes before it shifts, disguising itself in the curve of a smile when he catches Tenzo's gaze before looking back at the captain. There's been some kind of silent argument between them and Kakashi won it. 

"I'll go report then. There's shampoo and conditioner in my locker, if you need it. Tenzo, don't let him just hack it off, he'll make a mess of it." She reaches down, squeezes his nose like he's a kid. He knocks her hand off as she laughs, then leaves. There's silence for a moment before Kakashi walks past him, heading towards her locker as another set of hands lifts his hair up off the chair again. 

"I could have got that." The Kakashi behind him pokes him in the back, finger lingering a moment longer on his shoulder blade than it needs to. 

"I said I'd fix this, so let me fix it." His voice isn't teasing now as the other Kakashi wanders off into the baths, pausing at the door and motioning to him to follow before going in. He gets up, Kakashi following, carrying his hair as they walk, their steps matching easier with than with his captain earlier. Everything's set up for them. Two stools in front of the showers to wash off before going into the baths, the shampoo, conditioner, a hairbrush and comb too, all together in a basket. The other Kakashi puts a bin down next to the back stool before looking over Tenzo's head to Kakashi. He nods and then vanishes in a puff of smoke, leaving just the two of them as Tenzo sits down and eases his face plate off. Kakashi leans over him to check the shower, one hand holding his hair as he turns the water on. The closeness of Kakashi against him as he checks the water is intoxicating, he can smell him. It makes his stomach curl in on itself even as Kakashi turns off the water, leans away and sits down behind him. 

"Have you done this before?" The careful way Kakashi checked the water makes him seem like he knows what he's doing, but he's starting to learn that an appearance of knowing doesn't actually mean he knows with Kakashi.

"Oh, sure. You should see some of the stuff the ninkens get on them. Hopefully you won't complain so much while I wash it out though." Being compared to the ninkens is, well, a little depressing. Some part of him hoped, despite all evidence to the contrary, that Kakashi was trying to be gallant. He hears the tear of paper as Kakashi's fingers start carefully picking the paper and wood out of his hair, easing off every time he pulls too hard and Tenzo winces without any further prompting.

"How did this happen?" Kakashi asks after a minute of silence, matching the thud of something dropping into the bin, and Tenzo sighs. Now that Kakashi isn't making fun of him it doesn't seem as bad as it did, but it's still embarrassing and his cheeks are going red again. He doesn't consider refusing to answer the question despite that.

"When I had to tackle the thief to stop him attacking the genin, he hit me with an explosive charge and I fell into a glue trap. I got the scrolls with…"

"I heard that part already. Why didn't you just cut it off?" The question hangs in the air as he looks down at the tiled floor, desperately trying to think of a reason why he wouldn't cut it off there to free himself beyond the real one. He's a practical person, without that reason, he would have hacked it off straight away without hesitation. He can't tell Kakashi that he wanted to save his hair because Kakashi said it suited him. It's too revealing. He can't confess like this. 

"I wanted to save it. It's part of me." It's a white lie, leaving out why it's a part of him that matters so much when he's not vain about his appearance at all. He's expecting to be called out for being foolish, but Kakashi doesn't as he picks more paper out.

"Ah. Not giving up at the first sign of trouble, determined to make it through. That's just like you." That's a compliment, an actual, proper compliment and it makes Tenzo flush bright red as he covers his mouth with his hand. There's no mistaking the admiring tone in Kakashi's voice and he knows how highly Kakashi rates determination, even if he doesn't deserve that admiration in this case. He feels too flustered to say anything in reply, the feel of Kakashi's fingers in his hair not helping him to calm down. Kakashi doesn't push him, staying quiet until he's finished getting out what he can from his hair. 

"Done. Let's wash it." Kakashi lets go of his hair and the weight of it is suddenly back on his head, heavy after its absence, but the pulling on his scalp is gone. He lets out a noise of relief which makes Kakashi look at him from reaching out to get the showerhead. "Better?" 

"A lot better, it's not pulling. It's heavy though. Uh, because it's thick, not because you didn't do a good job." This time Kakashi does laugh but he lifts up a free strand from Tenzo's face as he does, twisting it around his finger and making him blush again. 

"There's so much, doesn't it ever get annoying?" Tenzo shakes his head slightly, afraid that his voice is about to crack from the stress of Kakashi playing with his hair. "I've never had hair this long. Do you think it'd suit me?" 

"Yes! Um, if you wanted it." The force of his reply to Kakashi's teasing surprises Kakashi as much as it surprises him, before Kakashi looks away bashfully with his hand rubbing his neck. He pictures Kakashi with long, flowing hair, like his but silver, and he's sure that it'd suit him. Then he thinks about it and realise it'd probably be as spiky as his short hair. That's not quite as impressive.

"I don't think it would. It'd be too much like...well, that doesn't matter." He can't figure out what it'd be too much like, and since Kakashi shut the topic down, he has to guess. Too much like a girl? No, that's not something he's seen Kakashi be concerned about. A pretty boy? Again, not something he's ever heard Kakashi worry about, even though Kakashi definitely is one. 

"Put your hand out." The command pulls him out of his thoughts and he does it without thinking, finding a pair of gloves being put into them, arm guards already discarded. Gloves? He's not sure he's ever seen Kakashi without gloves on, even at home. He tries to recall what Kakashi's hands look like but he can't, and as Kakashi leans over to get the showerhead he glances over at his bare hand to fix it in his memory. Long fingers, pale skin, they look less rough than most shinobi's hands, his included. It's probably the gloves that spare them. He can't pull his eyes away until Kakashi raps him gently on the head with his free right hand.

"Shut your eyes." 

"But-" 

"You want shampoo in them? Haven't you caused enough trouble today?"

"You're not even shampooing yet - hey!" Kakashi cuts off his complaint with a spray of water in his face that makes him shut his eyes instinctively. 

"Good, keep them shut and your head tilted back." He grumbles but he keeps his eyes shut and tilts his head, knowing that he can't see Kakashi from here anyway. Without his sight his other senses are working harder, he hears the splash of the water on the floor as Kakashi starts to wet his hair, smells the strange, sticky smell of the glue as it reacts with the water, Kakashi's scent as he leans in closer to him. A hand moves to touch his scalp, cool fingertips dig slowly into his hair and he bites his lip to stop himself from making a noise in response. Goosebumps go right down his spine and he can feel how red and hot his face goes in response. The shiver runs straight down to his toes as the fingers draw circles in his scalp, a slow massage that makes him feel like his face is on fire. He'd be afraid of drawing blood from biting his lip so hard if he wasn't more afraid of another reaction further down. He can't pretend it's not Kakashi touching him, the coolness of his fingers and the smell and warmth of him can't be anyone else. Tenzo prays that he finishes washing his hair before he gets hard. 

Then Kakashi stops, pulling his fingers out of his hair. He almost relaxes until he hears Kakashi go "ah". The only times he'd heard Kakashi say "ah" like that before has been on missions when something's just about to go disastrously wrong and it fills him with dread. Oh god, Kakashi's noticed, he's just ruined his own life, his crush will be found out and Kakashi won't let him near him ever again, because he can't stop himself from blushing when he's touching his hair. 

"So, this glue? It gets stickier with water. It's worse now." There's a cheerful note in Kakashi's voice that makes him drop his head in exasperation, even if he's relieved that his secret is safe for now. It's inevitable, he's about to lose most of his hair and Kakashi sounds irritatingly cheerful about it. 

"Senpai..." 

"Sorry. It's done for, though. I'll have to cut it." There's a squeak as Kakashi turns the shower-head off and a clunk as he puts it down, before he hears the swish of a kunai. The sound makes him sit bolt upright on instinct, eyes wide open despite Kakashi's request as he glances over his shoulder. He trusts Kakashi, of course he does, but the prospect of having a kunai at his neck makes him nervous whoever's doing it. Kakashi looks amused but he raises the kunai in his hand, showing it to Tenzo to reassure him before using his free hand to turn his head forward again. The thought of losing his hair is weighing on him, he's afraid to lose it, of losing what makes him less plain even if Kakashi's going to hold some responsibility for it too. 

"How much?"

"Off? Most of it. It's not that bad, though. It'll be, hmm.." Kakashi pauses, his finger moves from his hair across his neck to touch his chin and he tries not to react to it. "About chin length. Like when we met." That's a lot better than Tenzo feared. He thought it might end up at Kakashi's length, which looks good on Kakashi but is an unknown quantity on him. 

"That length looked cute on you." It's delivered swiftly, as Kakashi scoops up his hair to reach behind it. Tenzo feels the blush bloom so fast on his cheeks like it didn't have a chance to lessen, his stomach flips at being called cute, that he doesn't realise Kakashi's sliced off his hair until the weight of it vanishes. In an instant, it is gone, and Tenzo is trying to calm his blush over being called cute by Kakashi instead of freaking out. Kakashi drops the mass of hair into the bin. 

"Finished. Now we can wash it and-"

"Kakashi-senpai! Tenzo, I told you not to let him just hack it off, you idiot!" The two of them look over to the door where his captain's reappeared, holding a small box and with a horrified expression on her face. Tenzo isn't sure why she's so horrified, until she finally gets her words out. "Look at it, it's all crooked and uneven at the ends! It's supposed to be straight. That's why you don't cut hair with a kunai!" 

"Ah. I knew that." Kakashi sounds like he didn't know that, however and Tenzo feels a flash of concern at just what a mess his hair looks like. His captain comes over and opens the box to show them what's in it. Scissors. Proper, hair-cutting scissors. 

"Just because you cut your own hair like that, doesn't mean everyone else does, senpai." She's calmed down but her exasperation is strong in her words, even with the polite address. She reaches for the comb from the basket and bumps Kakashi off the stool with a swing of her hips. "Watch and learn. It might help you." 

"Is it that obvious?"

"That you cut it with a kunai? _Yes_." The way his captain cuts his hair is quick and methodical, using the comb to line up the ends before cutting them straight. It feels impersonal compared to Kakashi doing it, her manner brisk. Kakashi moves in front of him, crouching down to take his gloves out of Tenzo's hands. He can't help watching as Kakashi puts them back on, noticing how he put the right one on first and at speed, covering up his fingers and palm quickly, before taking more time with his left glove. It strikes him as deliberate, like Kakashi is hiding something. From the glimpse he got earlier though, he couldn't see anything strange about his right hand. He's still looking at his hand when Kakashi gets up, he finally pulls his eyes away and catches Kakashi's eyes as he does. 

There's a hint of something that almost looks like fear for a moment, which is even stranger, before his expression shifts decisively and Kakashi winks at him. Like he knew how Tenzo was feeling the whole time and he was just fucking with him. His face goes red again, his heart racing with a mixture of embarrassment and a sudden, rising urge to kill Kakashi, as he uses the moment to escape, with a quick "bye!" before vanishing out of the room. 

The only noise is the snipping of the scissors as his captain finishes trimming the ends off, before she lets out a sigh and finally speaks again.

"I respect Kakashi-senpai a lot too, Tenzo, but he can be a real asshole sometimes. Don't let him bully you."

"Ah." Tenzo replies, as if he's not thinking about the meaning of that wink, of the whole situation. Why did Kakashi insist on cutting his hair? Why does Kakashi do any of the things he does? Does he actually know that he has a crush on him, or was he just imagining it? It's a mystery he can't solve, and he lets out a sigh too, as he tries to figure it out.

"Hang in there, Tenzo."


	17. Part Two: Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the first chapter to justify that Explicit rating. Featuring the two most important themes in this story: gratuitous mokuton usage and Kakashi's beauty mark. Also, some angst.

"It's highly sensitive, so you'll need to do it alone, but I'm not sure if means anything. What we've received is so garbled, every report conflicts with each other. I might be being paranoid, it's probably nothing, but with Orochimaru mentioned I can't take that risk." Kakashi understands, they can't take the risk of Orochimaru near their borders, of more research, and agrees immediately to take the mission. The Third is relieved, sends him on his way with a map and a briefing pack. As he flicks through them, he's amazed that the team who compiled the briefing managed to make anything out of the reports and narrow them down to a few locations he needs to go to. If he went to everywhere mentioned, it would take at least a month.

The Third doesn't tend to kid, but these reports are a complete mess. They saw this man here, no they saw him there, there's a laboratory there, no that's a field, it's a wood, no, a hospital set up by a mysterious veteran who speaks in tongues, no it's a new shop, no it's a creepy old house that's been abandoned for the past twenty years. Every single report is like this, it's impossible to work out if anything's true. The mention of Orochimaru makes it sensitive, but he can't help feeling the quality of the information is too. It can't get out that Konoha acts on such poor quality information, it'd be an embarrassment for the village. 

Despite the command to do it alone, and the silence it implies, Kakashi stops at headquarters. He wants to see Tenzo before he leaves. Tenzo might have some advice that'll be useful, but the mention of Orochimaru and his experiments makes him want to see him too. It feels more personal when he knows one of the subjects, someone's who suffered because of it. He only knows what he found in those files, Tenzo never speaks of it, but there's enough for him to fill in the blanks. It makes him angry, that Tenzo suffered like he did, and he wants to stop it happening again.

But he also just wants to see Tenzo, which is dangerous in itself. Tenzo is not subtle. Kakashi is certain now that his hero worship has shifted into a fully fledged crush, a crush that he's known about for ages now and shouldn't encourage. Tenzo is growing, and he should let him grow away from him, find someone better. Kakashi knows this, but then something will inevitably happen. Something like the time when he ruined his hair on that ridiculous glue trap, needed Kakashi to cut his hair for him, and he finds himself pulling Tenzo back anyway.

Tenzo isn't there, he's on a mission, and after a few cursory checks and conversations to stop him looking like he only wanted to see Tenzo, he departs on his mission too. The first location has none of the things reported, not even the field, it's just muddy ground. The other locations prove to be the same, none of the mysterious places or people are present. Everything is normal, and while it's good that terrible things aren't happening, it makes for a dull mission. By the fifth day he's on his way to the final location and looking forward to returning to Konoha for something more interesting to do.

The final location is just outside a small village on the edge of the Fire Country, surrounded by woodland. It's the sort of place shinobi go through on occasion but rarely have reason to stop in. The locals aren't actively hostile but they are suspicious of ninjas and rarely helpful to them. Any ninjas there will have to gather their own intelligence and rely on their own wits, locals won't assist them. The most notable thing about the village is its orphanage, which is the only one in this area. Otherwise there's nothing much there, his briefing summarises, and it seems to him just like a lot of other places he's been through. 

As he reaches the furthest edge of the forest that surrounds the village it starts to rain. At first it's a light drizzle, hardly noticeable, but the storm clouds roll in at speed. Soon furious rain starts pelting down, driven sideways into his face by a fearsome wind as the sun vanishes. He tries to keep going, hoping to ride it out, but the gales are too harsh and even the trees are creaking and warping under the force of the storm as he struggles against the wind. He can probably make it to the village if he's fast enough, but if the locals are unfriendly there's no point, he won't find shelter there. In the distance he spies a building through the driving rain, an abandoned looking house, which has a roof and four walls. Right now that's all he needs when he's soaked through to the bones, and he runs over to it, sheltering against the outside walls as the wind howls. 

He can sense someone is inside the house, someone with chakra who's using it - lighting a fire, maybe - and he pauses to consider what to do next. As this is still the Fire Country, it's likely that they're friendly, but it could also be someone from a rival village who will try to kill him on sight. Maybe he should try to find somewhere else? There's a roar of thunder overhead, and then almost simultaneously the lightning strikes, hitting a nearby tree on its way back to the earth. His own chakra crackles in sympathetic excitement, feeling super-charged by its wild brother, but the bark exploding off the tree and flying across, narrowly missing him, makes his decision for him. Exploding trees means he's going inside and taking the risk of having to kill someone. 

He gives the door a shove and feels it stick, like something behind it is jamming it shut. A chair? Well, whoever's in there doesn't like company but they're just going to have to deal with it. He pushes harder but the door doesn't shift. Fine, he'll have to do this another way. The electricity crackling in the air, wild and free, joins the electricity gathering around his hand as he charges Chidori. It's excessive just to open a door, but if someone's hiding behind it, waiting for him after he tested it to attack him, he'll be ready for them. He takes a few steps back, pulls his headband up with the back of his hand, and charges the door. The wood splinters on impact, the chair is crushed into pieces as he charges in, only for something to nearly grab him around the throat. Even with the Sharingan it's a close call. As soon as he recognises it he slams the breaks, nearly smashes into the wall as Chidori fizzles out on his hand. 

"Senpai, seriously, was Chidori the right answer when facing a locked door? You'll kill someone by accident doing that." He recognises the voice immediately, pulls his hand back from the dent he's made in the wood. Tenzo isn't looking at him, he's got another beam that's holding up the roof. It looks a lot worse inside than it did from outside and he's focusing on that. The beam splits and surges, turning into joists and support beam, planks covering missing roof tiles. The noise of the rain suddenly lessens, deadened by the new roof even if the now broken door is letting the wind in. Tenzo lets go of his clasped hands and looks at him like he's an idiot. 

"Also, could you not break the door for no reason? I told you before, mokuton costs me chakra." 

"I thought someone might try to kill me when I broke in, so Chidori would give me the advantage. How was I to know you'd be here, fixing the roof?" Tenzo rolls his eyes, in a way that's really not cute, before throwing his hands up in the air. Tenzo's never been one to hold back on his criticisms, and he's less exempt from it now than he used to be. He'd miss it if it didn't feel like Tenzo is finally seeing him more clearly than he used to. 

"Knocking! That's how you tell people you're entering a house. Have you ever heard of it? We're still in Fire Country, the odds were high it'd be someone from Konoha. Even if it wasn't, it might have been some poor old woman sheltering. You'd have kill her from shock." The idea of accidentally terrifying an old lady with Chidori shouldn't be funny, but it is and a snort of laughter escapes him. It's enough to make Tenzo waver in his lecture as he holds back a laugh too. That gives him enough time to cut into the lecture before it gets too long.

"Right, right. Are you going to fix that door? The rain's getting in." Tenzo sighs deeply, like he's suffering a great deal, before calling on mokuton and the new door springs up, fully shutting out the storm. He can see Tenzo assess the door, making sure it's correct, before he lets go of his hands again and looks up at the ceiling to check his work there.

"Is the elbow bracket okay?" Kakashi looks up, squints at what Tenzo is looking at, and tries to remember what an elbow bracket is. It looks fine to him, but Tenzo is a perfectionist with his building work, as much as he complains about doing it. On slow missions, when there's time to kill, he's even seen him try to make their shelter look like famous buildings from previous eras, accurately scaled down. His understanding of architecture is definitely wasted in ANBU, unless they have to kill someone with a pagoda that's just like one from three centuries ago. 

"Which one?" 

"That one, I should have done a double, or triple bracket. That way it's much more..." His blank look makes Tenzo stops and he looks a little embarrassed, before stretching up to check it. "It should be safe enough, it's just not ideal." Kakashi watches Tenzo reaching up, standing up on his tiptoes as his fingertips just brush over the wood. Tenzo is as soaked as he is, just wearing his undershirt and trousers, the rest of his kit discarded to dry out, and the wet undershirt is sticking to his skin. He can see the muscles ripple along his back as Tenzo stretches and Kakashi's eyes are drawn to them before moving down to the curve of his lower back. He's noticed before that Tenzo's grown recently, that he's suddenly shot up like the young tree he is, his height getting close to matching his, but the muscle is new. Is he working out? He's pretty sure that Tenzo didn't have much of an ass before but he's definitely got one now. His eyes darts down to double check, a lot easier to do when his clothes are sticking to him, and then quickly turning away with a blush growing on his cheeks as Tenzo stops stretching. 

Yes, Tenzo definitely has an ass now, not that he should have noticed it. Squats, probably for an innocent motive like "more power in my thighs", which doesn't sound that innocent to him when - shit. Definitely shouldn't be thinking about this with Tenzo right here. He looks down at the floor, a suitable distraction from any inappropriate thoughts about his kouhai, and notices that it looks as wrecked and damaged as the roof did. So does the rest of the furniture, not just the chair he managed to destroy, and it's obvious it's been years since anyone lived here, decades maybe, even if there's signs of other people passing through before them.

"Could you redo the floor too? We could probably do with a chair too, maybe a table?" There's a groan from Tenzo behind him and he turns around again, calmed down and ready for another lecture. Tenzo looks irritated enough to give him one but then there's the sound of wood rushing under his feet, a low table and a chair springing up as the new floor settles under his soles. Tenzo looks exhausted as he lets go of his hands. He sits down next to the table and curls up on himself, like an irritable cat that's annoyed at being disturbed. 

"That was your last request. I have to go as soon as the rain stops, I can't waste chakra. Can do you do the fire? Please." Tenzo remembers his manners at the last moment, points to the hole he's left in the floor, like a proper irori, near the table. Kakashi goes over to the broken chair and scoops up the pieces, carrying them over before arranging them in the irori. He pulls the new chair over, taking off his kit and hanging them up until he's just in his undershirt and trousers too. He picks up Tenzo's kit from where he'd abandoned it, laying it out too. Tenzo is watching him as he does it. He can feel his eyes on him, but when he glances over his gaze is a little distracted, like he's thinking about something else while he does. He crouches down by the irori, starts running through the signs to make a fireball as he gathers his chakra in his stomach. Using this jutsu always makes him think of Obito, the familiar ache of guilt settling in against his chakra as he blows out a tiny stream of fire, the wood catching alight immediately. He looks up and meets Tenzo's gaze by accident. They look at each other for a moment, the flames casting new shadows onto their faces, before Tenzo gives him a small smile.

"Thank you, Kakashi-senpai." The irritation is already gone from Tenzo, he looks younger again as he eases off his happuri. Kakashi grabs his bag to dig out the map and briefing, damp around the edges but otherwise dry, before pausing and getting Tenzo's too. Despite the weather-induced break, they're both still on missions and should prepare for when the storm clears. He drops the bag by Tenzo before sitting down on the next side of the table, rolling out his map, and Tenzo instinctively leans over to take a look at it too. 

"Ah, we're here, I think." After a minute of silence Tenzo breaks it, pointing with his finger on the map to where they are, and he nods. "So that means, this village here..." Tenzo leans in a bit closer, Kakashi can feel the warmth he's giving off, as his finger traces across to the village Kakashi is supposed to be heading towards right now. "I thought so. That's the village I came from." 

"I thought you came from Konoha." He's never thought about it before. Kakashi knew Tenzo was most likely an orphan but he thought Tenzo was from Konoha, like most ninjas in Konoha are. It reveals just how little he knows about Tenzo's past, and while normally he wouldn't probe into someone else's past, mostly because he doesn't care about it, with Tenzo he's curious.

"No, but then I don't really come from there either. My mother abandoned me in that village, so nobody knows where I came from. I was in the orphanage there, then I came to Konoha. There was a chunin vest I had, apparently it was what I was wrapped in when I was found." The vest must be a clue, it strikes him as an important detail even if Tenzo doubts it is.

"Do you still have it?" Tenzo shakes his head. 

"No, it was lost a long time ago. They said it was just from a ninja that helped her, no ninja would have left a baby behind." Kakashi is suddenly, immediately sure despite Tenzo's doubt, that his mother must have been a shinobi. Tenzo is too talented for his chakra to come out of nowhere and unlike the villagers, he can imagine the kind of circumstances that might lead to a ninja abandoning a baby outside of their village. Perhaps a forbidden relationship, especially if someone else's husband was the father. Maybe she'd become so disillusioned with shinobi life she rejected putting her child through it too. She must have been a ninja and that must have been her vest. Maybe it was a sign that would have allowed Tenzo to find her later? For someone who's always had a family, even if he was ashamed of it for so long, it seems cruel that the clue to finding his own has been taken from Tenzo. 

"Do you know anything else?" Tenzo starts and then looks away, his finger rubbing his cheek awkwardly. 

"You don't know, then. I can't remember anything before the experiments. I just knew I was an orphan and had the vest once. I only found out it was that orphanage because I went through the village before and found it familiar. An old lady was willing to talk to me, but she didn't know much. Nobody else would talk, so that's all I have." Tenzo sounds so accepting of it, like what happened was an inevitability that he couldn't avoid, that it makes his heart ache. Tenzo looks back at him, catches the look on his face and shifts from brief concern to a lightness that feels forced. "You don't need to worry about it."

"But, your memories..." Most of what Kakashi has now are memories, of all the people he's loved. If he lost them, he'd be terrified. He'd make all the same mistakes again because he wouldn't have learned anything. They would have died even more in vain than they already did. Tenzo hasn't made the same mistakes he has, but what about the people he loved before? They must have existed, but for Tenzo they're gone. He's lost them twice over.

"I don't think they were happy. I didn't have a family or any roots before it happened. It might have even happened because I didn't have anyone." Tenzo's looking away from him now, shifting back from the map, from the light and from him. He's not convinced by the light tone in his voice that he's as okay with it as he's acting. Tenzo is trying to convince himself as well as him, and it's painful to watch. He remembers looking out over Konoha, wondering what Kinoe's past was, not even considering that there could be a void in his memory, and he feels even more worthless. He should have got him out of Root sooner, help him find his past before it vanished completely. 

"I guess in the end, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. With mokuton, I'm useful. Without it, I'd be worthless." Tenzo's chin is resting on his knees, making him look smaller again, more like a child. They don't sound like his own words. They sound like words told to him, to make him accept the fate he was given. 

"That's not true." His voice cuts through the air, sharper than he intended but he knows it's true. "Tenzo, a kekkei genkai doesn't make a person worthwhile. What makes them worth something is what they do, not what they have. The mokuton isn't the only thing you can do, and it never was."

"But-"

"Think about it. The Sharingan alone wasn't what made me any good as a ninja, it was everything else. If I hadn't trained before, I wouldn't have known what to do with it. If I lost it now, would I lose everything else I have? No. It's a gift, the most important one I've been given, and I don't want to lose it, but it's not what makes me. Despite the nicknames." He shifts, moving closer to Tenzo, who's still tucked up, arms around his knees, before reaching out and touching his forehead. He needs to get through to him. It makes Tenzo look up, meet his eyes, not hide away. 

"If I took it from you right now, if I was able to seal it away forever, would you still fight?" His voice is soft. It's not a lecture, just a question to get Tenzo to think, to remember that he's more than just a kekkei genkai. 

"Yes." There's no hesitation, instead there's the determination he's more used to. "For everyone. For all of them. Fifty nine of them died but I lived, I have to honour them. I need to fight and do my best because they didn't get a chance to." The determination is slightly tinged this time, there's sadness and guilt in it, the kind Kakashi recognises as like his own. His hand goes to Tenzo's hair, rests in it, as he considers his own response. He almost has too much to say.

"So do I. For Obito, for Rin, even the Fourth. At first I thought if I died, that'd make up for letting them die. I wanted someone to kill me. You remember how reckless and cold I was?" Tenzo nods but doesn't say a word, his gaze telling Kakashi to continue. "That's why. I didn't want to live." Tenzo opens his mouth but the thought of what he might say is too alarming so he continues, mouth going before his brain. "Then there was Kinoe. This kid, out of nowhere, appeared and I spared him. I hadn't spared anyone, even when I should have. He saved my life and a girl gave him a new name he liked. I wanted to know who he was, wanted to help him. The mokuton wasn't only reason why. It was the first time since Rin died that I cared about anything like that. I started to realise living would be a better way of honouring them." 

Tenzo is stunned. He's staring at him in amazement, it'd be funny if he hadn't just confessed that Tenzo unintentionally pulled him out of his desperate death wish. He feels vulnerable, uncertain, like he's said too much. He moves to sit down next to Tenzo, taking his hand out of his hair. 

"I never realised. I didn't think I could do that." Kakashi shrugs slightly, as if it's self-evident that he could do that. So obvious he doesn't need to say it. In the silence that follows the wind howls and the rain flings itself against the house. Tenzo uncurls from himself, no longer looking like he's trying to block out the world, and instead sits cross-legged. He starts to lean onto Tenzo, his eyes drifting shut, and his body feels as warm as ever when it's pressed up against him. His clothes are starting to dry off in the heat coming from the fire, but he's still cold and he half shivers, trying to suppress it. An arm moves around him anyway, adjusting their position until his head is on Tenzo's shoulder and Tenzo's arm is around his hips, his hand resting lightly against his thigh. It's probably too close, too intimate but he doesn't want to move away.

"The mokuton wasn't the best thing that happened to me. You rescuing me from Root was the best thing that happened to me. He would have killed me or found something worse than death for me. Even without that mission, they would have flatten everything eventually, made me a shell. The memories from my past won't come back, they made sure of that, but that meant I could make a new life, new memories and I did. I wouldn't have got that chance without you, senpai." Is it enough? Is saving one life enough to make up for all the people who died? It's not, but it's something, it proves that he's learnt a little from his mistakes. Doing nothing would have been worse. Tenzo is right that he would have died if he hadn't intervened. He knows how ruthless Danzo is when he thinks it's for the greater good. 

"I would have done it for anyone." It's true, he doesn't want Tenzo to think he was being noble, expecting praise. He would have faced down all of Root to rescue any comrade who wanted out. 

"I know, you're kind. But you did do it for me." Kakashi looks up from Tenzo's shoulder, assesses the look in Tenzo's eyes. They're as dark as ever, not so big now that the rest of his face caught up to them, and he can see the infatuation in them. Despite everything, despite being the wrong person for Tenzo when he knows that Tenzo will have someone else's name on his hand, despite Tenzo knowing about his mistakes and failures and how he's, in short, damaged goods, Tenzo still wants him. He's an idiot. A complete fool. He wants to kiss him. 

He lets out a soft sigh as he moves a hand to his mask, trying to stop himself from blushing even as he can feel his cheeks heating up as Tenzo watches him. He's moved his mask to eat when Tenzo's been around before, but he's always done it at speed, too fast for Tenzo to catch it, just like with everyone else. This is slower, more deliberate, and impossible to take back now he's started. Tenzo being so obvious about his feelings has stopped him from needing to think about his own much, but after making a proper move he's finally going to have to. As he starts to pull it down Tenzo flushes, but his eyes follow the movement until it's all the way down under his chin. He makes a quiet, awed "oh" that makes Kakashi blush even more. He dares to look up, meets Tenzo's eyes. Kakashi goes even more red in response, and tilts his head. Is Tenzo going to kiss him? He raises his eyebrows to ask the question and Tenzo makes a small, conflicted noise before he ducks down and kisses him.

His kiss is uncertain, enough to make Kakashi take more of a lead. He tilts Tenzo's head with his hand for a more comfortable angle before whispering against his lips "go ahead". Tenzo takes it, kissing him more fiercely as his hands move to Kakashi's back. His hands slide under his shirt, pulling it up as he goes, and the warmth of Tenzo's hands against his skin makes him shiver. He wants to be touched, wants Tenzo's hands all over him and he pushes up against Tenzo to encourage him, almost climbing into his lap to get closer to him. Tenzo's hands slide down to his ass, slightly cautious until a half-muffled moan escapes him and it blows all caution to the wind. Tenzo pulls him onto his lap roughly by his ass, the jarring movement makes him bang his teeth awkwardly against Tenzo's but it's not enough to stop him. Tenzo has no idea how to kiss but they can work on that. He guides him with a hand on his jaw as he rolls his hips against Tenzo's hands. That draws a noise from Tenzo before he pulls back, just enough to gaze at him in a mixture of want and disbelief. 

"Kakashi-senpai..."  
"You wanted to kiss me." It's true, the blush on Tenzo's face in response confirms it, but it avoids admitting just how much Kakashi wanted it too. He expects questions, maybe even demands, in response, but Tenzo moves a hand to brush over the beauty mark just under his bottom lip instead.

"I didn't think you'd have something so cute under your mask." That's not the first time he's been told that but it still makes him blush. It was part of why he started wearing it in the first place.

"I didn't think I was going to be your first kiss. Did you save it for me?" Shock passes over Tenzo's face and then becomes embarrassment, as if he somehow expected Kakashi not to know that it was despite how bad he was at it. It is painfully cute, enough to make him steal a quick kiss while Tenzo isn't expecting it. 

"I didn't plan to save it." Kakashi goes "hmm" in response, which makes Tenzo flush even more. It's probably true, that Tenzo never assumed that Kakashi would ever be interested in kissing him. The fact that nobody managed to get there first despite that, stirs the possessive instinct in him that Tenzo inspires and he tries so hard to not give into. He can't possess him, can't be jealous but oh, he is. He's tried to pretend it's something else, something that can be ignored but he's managed to stake and keep his claim, even in his denial that he's done anything. He's scared off the competition, that captain, the other ANBUs with their crushes on Tenzo without making a single direct move for him. Without Tenzo even realising he's doing it. 

"Well, it's fine if you did." There's a question on Tenzo's face, he's going to ask it and he grinds down deliberately on his crotch to stop it. His motives aren't clear to himself, how can he explain them to Tenzo? Beside, his distraction is what he wants as well, he's just on the edge of getting hard and wants to keep going, wants to get off like every horny teenager ever and wants to get Tenzo off. From the sharp breath and the rise of Tenzo's hips to meet him, it's obvious Tenzo wants it too. 

Kakashi leans far enough back to get his bag, curving back and stretching in a way that's part necessity and part showing Tenzo just how flexible he is, pulls out his bed roll and throws it to the floor. As he stretches back further Tenzo moves to support his back, his hands are positioned just like how he'd need to hold him if Kakashi was riding him and the thought sends a twinge of lust through him as he roughly shake the futon out. He uncurls himself, straightening himself back up into Tenzo's lap properly, and Tenzo pulls him back in for another kiss. He's already improving, already knows his mouth better and he parts his lips, letting Tenzo in, matched with another roll of his hips. 

Tenzo is hard now, he can feel his cock pressing against his ass and it sends a curl of lust through him. There's no time for it, this house is too insecure, their missions too pressing to let him have a sore ass afterwards, and he doesn't even have any lube, but the thought of Tenzo's cock in his ass is thrilling anyway. His cock swells up against Tenzo as he lets his imagination run away with him, and then Tenzo lifts him up, not even pulling away from the kiss to do it. Oh, fuck, when did Tenzo get strong enough to pull him around? He works with him, wrapping his thighs around Tenzo's hips to support himself as Tenzo eases onto his feet and carries him over to the futon, laying him down on it before finally pulling back. Tenzo's over him, not resting his weight on him even though his thighs are still wrapped around him and staring at him again.

"Kakashi." He meets Tenzo's eyes, even darker with lust, looking at him like he's everything he wants. He'd be embarrassed if he wasn't so turned on, wanting to be everything Tenzo wants. He leans in for another kiss, short and sweet, before he unwraps his thighs from around Tenzo and starts to pull down his trousers and underwear off. Usually he'd be shyer but they're still wet, unpleasant to wear, he feels drunk off the atmosphere and how much Tenzo wants him. He kicks them off as he feels Tenzo stare. The gloves make him pause for a moment, the fear of being caught lacking again interrupting even now, before he glances at Tenzo and sees how he looks overwhelmed by seeing him naked. It makes him peel them off, left one off first from habit nearly as old as he is, hoping that Tenzo doesn't notice. 

Tenzo doesn't notice. He's too busy taking his own clothes off, with a furious blush on his cheeks that doesn't stop him from doing it. Kakashi's eyes take it all in. From his shoulders to his chest, trailing down to the dip of his hips, their lines directing his eyes down even though he can't see it so easily from this angle. Tenzo's hard, so obviously hard, and he wants to see it as it makes Tenzo blush so much. Their eyes meet as Tenzo finishes stripping, clothes thrown off into the darkness, and there's an earnest, hesitant edge to Tenzo's look, like he wants Kakashi's approval of how he looks. He leans in to kiss Tenzo's shoulder before pulling him down on top of him, shifting until their cocks rub together and Tenzo moans. 

"You look good like this." He's not one for praise or dirty talk during sex, despite how much Ichi Ichi he's read, but he's not going to leave Tenzo hanging. Not when he should be focusing on the sex instead. Tenzo looks embarrassed but pleased, before his hand moves down to wrap around Kakashi's cock. He lets out a small gasp, thrusts against Tenzo's hand shamelessly as he starts to stroke him, his eyes falling shut as he sinks into the sensation. Tenzo knows this part better already, has jerked himself off hundreds of times, has probably thought about Kakashi while stroking himself, and the thought makes him squirm against Tenzo's hand. A flick of Tenzo's wrist catches him by surprise and his eyes open. Tenzo is watching him, his expression serious like he's trying to record what Kakashi likes. His face is flushed and open like he's never let it be in front of Tenzo before. 

"What?" His voice is soft, a whisper more than any serious objection. This time it doesn't throw Tenzo off, doesn't make him blush and look away like his challenges usually do. Instead he kisses his beauty mark. 

"I can't believe you have that." His voice is quiet, heated, as he takes Kakashi's right hand and moves it down. He panics for a moment, fears that Tenzo is about to pick it up and check whose name is there despite his lack of interest so far in it, and ruin what they're doing with awkward questions. 

Tenzo doesn't look, keeps moving his hand down until his fingers are around Tenzo's cock. He's as warm there as he is everywhere else, solid and thick against his fingers. He gives Tenzo one slow, teasing stroke that makes him shudder before he shifts his hand, moving Tenzo's hand to wrap around both of them and pushing up against him. Tenzo grasps it immediately, starts stroking them both together, letting him shift his right hand to grab Tenzo's ass and pull him up closer to him. It's better like this, more intimate with Tenzo's cock rubbing up against his own, and he wants Tenzo to lead. It's not laziness - well, maybe a little bit - but this is what Tenzo's wanted for so long. He wants him to choose it even if he has to guide him along a little. 

He reaches up for Tenzo, pulls him down for a kiss and thrusts against his hand as he pushes his way into Tenzo's mouth. He explores his mouth, gives his ass a squeeze to encourage the thrusts that match his and a surge of lust runs through him when he hears a muffled groan from Tenzo. It's a sign, just like the slippery pre-cum he can feel, and a minute later Tenzo pulls back from the kiss and collapses on top of him as he comes, his strokes stuttering and then failing completely. Tenzo's expression is incredible, he's never seen anything like it on his face before. So beautiful, relaxed and yet overwhelmed. It's tempting to try recording it on the Sharingan, despite knowing that's definitely not what he's supposed to do with it. 

Tenzo's catching his breath, trying to come back down to earth, as Kakashi's cock throbs against his hand. His awe's starting to shift to something a little bratty and very horny, and he thrusts against Tenzo's hand to remind him what he was doing before.

"Ah, sorry." It gets him what he wants, Tenzo paying attention to him again. He moves his hand to fully surround his cock before stroking him harder and faster this time. Tenzo wants to get him off, wants to see Kakashi come, and he squirms again under the force of it, breath catching as Tenzo refuses to slow down, until every muscle in his body goes tense and he arcs under Tenzo as he comes. For a moment there's nothing, just blankness and a high white space, before he finds himself returning back down. Tenzo shifts from on top of him to beside him, rolling them to pull the blanket over them before settling in with his head on Kakashi's shoulder. His hand goes to his hair, lazily playing with the dark locks as he looks up at the ceiling, trying to assess what's going on outside despite it feeling irrelevant after coming like that. The wind and rain are still howling and battering outside. 

"Still raining." He's relieved that it is, nothing forcing them to move on like improved weather would, and Tenzo nods before stifling a yawn. 

"Need to go as soon as it stops or the trail will go cold." Despite his words he lets out another yawn. Kakashi's never seen him so distracted from work before. He doesn't even know what mission Tenzo's supposed to be doing right now, usually that would be the first thing they discussed. He doesn't want to talk about it now, and with Tenzo drifting off, he wants to give him a break instead. 

"Sleep. I'll wake you up when it stops." 

"Thank you." He pulls Tenzo in a little closer to him, and his head slides down to his chest, resting there instead. His fingers keep working through Tenzo's hair, and after a few minutes he realises that he's fallen asleep. It's flattering, and it's also tempting to join him, but he said he'd keep watch so he'll resist. He looks up at the ceiling instead, his fingers still stroking Tenzo's hair as he does. He thinks about his mission, but mostly about Tenzo. His eyes start to drift shut, from the smell and warmth of Tenzo, the fire, the noise of the storm outside, but he resists the urge, forcing his eyes back open, right until he falls asleep without realising. 

When he wakes up, the storm is over, the fire has died and pale light is coming in through the windows. It's dawn. He hears noises, footsteps moving around, and he pulls himself to a sitting position. Tenzo is already awake, dressed, fixing his arm-guards on before reaching for his happuri. He pauses when he hears Kakashi, looks over with an expression that's warm but more reserved than earlier. 

"Ah, senpai. It finally stopped, so I need to go." He's expecting to get chewed out for falling asleep but Tenzo doesn't mention it. Instead he seems a little distracted again as he finishes getting ready. If Tenzo's getting ready to go, he should be too but he can't get himself to move quite yet. It's almost like the start of chakra exhaustion, but he hasn't used the Sharingan enough for that. Instead of getting up he watches Tenzo organise his pack, before picking up Kakashi's clothes and folding them all up onto the chair. His cat mask is tied around his neck but he hasn't put it on yet, comes over to the futon instead and crouches down next to him. Tenzo leans in, carefully kisses him, before pulling back suddenly, putting his mask on as he does. 

"Take care out there. I'll see you when you get back." 

"Be careful, Tenzo. Do you want a ninken to go with you?" If the trail goes cold, he knows his dogs can find it for Tenzo, but Tenzo politely refuses before he rushes to the door. There's something suspicious about the refusal, and the mask. He knows Tenzo's put it on to hide something, maybe a blush? He gives Tenzo a wave before he leaves, then frowns as soon as he's gone. 

Maybe Tenzo's afraid that he might change his mind about what happened, and if it can happen again. He's sure that Tenzo is okay with what happened, considering how long he's had a crush on him, but now, in the cold light of dawn, Kakashi has doubts. Also a slightly crusty, sticky sensation on his stomach, which is exactly why he should have wiped the cum off before he fell asleep. That problem is easy to resolve, but what to do next isn't.


	18. Part Two: Chapter Six

Tenzo is not okay with what's happened. 

It's what he dreamt of since he first realised he had a crush on Kakashi. Kissing Kakashi, falling into bed with him, waking up next to him and finding him asleep without his mask on, open to him. He thought the lead-up would be the difficult part, that once he'd kissed Kakashi it'd all become clear and easy, simple. Last night it seemed like he was right. Waking up this morning he realised he was wrong. It was easier before, when he hadn't made such a mistake, when it was all just dreams that he didn't think would ever be realised. Waking up to find the storm over, the sky clear and Kakashi fast asleep and not at all on guard made him edgy. He'd taken a risk, a stupid risk that could have got them both killed if someone had snuck in during the night, but that's not the only mistake he made last night.

As he dodges through the trees, trying to recall where the hell he's supposed to be going as his head spins with too many thoughts shouting over each other, there's one thought trying to stomp down on all the others: he forced Kakashi into it, he didn't want to do it, it was pity, it was trying to make him feel better and he took it too far. He stops, grabbing onto a branch overhead to steady himself. He can't do his mission like this, he needs to stop and think, clear his head. He sits down on the stable branch under him and takes a deep breath, trying to clear his mind. The loudest, most aggressive thought refuses to move. 

Is it true? Did he guilt Kakashi into it? Normally it wouldn't be worth considering. It'd be impossible for him to get Kakashi to do something if he didn't want to. But yesterday wasn't normal, Kakashi took part but it felt a little distant, holding back, like he was only doing it because Tenzo wanted him to. He remembers what Kakashi said afterwards, "you wanted to kiss me", not that Kakashi wanted to kiss him. Was it pity, after he'd got all sad about his past? The thought makes his stomach sink, and another thought gets tangled into it, something even more unpalatable than the possibility he guilted Kakashi into sleeping with him. 

Seeing Kakashi so vulnerable is disturbing him too. It scares him in a way he could never admit out loud, only in the safety of his own head. Kakashi has always been above him, even as they've become close friends. He knows the events now that have made Kakashi who he is, the deaths and destruction in his life, but Kakashi has always kept it distant, far away from him. He's more realistic about Kakashi's flaws now than he was, but he still admires him deeply, still hero worships him. 

But suddenly Kakashi has crashed down to his level. He's touched him, he's seen his face without his mask on, fast asleep, relying on Tenzo to keep them safe. He's always seen Kakashi as brave, even if recklessly so, especially to save others, but now that he knows how much Kakashi wanted to die, there's an edge to it he's not seen before. That bravery isn't fearlessness, it's because Kakashi really thinks he's worthless, might still be happy for someone to kill him and get it over with. The thought makes him want to go back and find Kakashi, abandon his mission, but he can't. What would he say, anyway? ‘I'm sorry I guilted you into sleeping with me, seeing you vulnerable scared me, but please don't die'? How would that help?

Tenzo stops, shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath before slowly exhaling. He can't do his job like this, not with his mind bouncing everywhere and springing all over the place. He needs to calm down, focus on his mission instead of on his emotions. It's the same technique he learnt to use while grappling with mokuton, a technique he's not needed to use much since but as ready to be called upon as ever. He focuses on his breathing, then on his chakra, trying to empty his mind of his other thoughts. Slowly his chakra stabilises, balances itself out. He still doesn't feel quite right, he can't summon the same calm he usually has on missions, and there's still clammoning in his mind, if quieter now. He can at least get up, get moving and start tracking.

Trying to track a moving target after heavy rain is hard, tedious work. Most of the clues are washed away, no footprints, no chakra lingering in the air, no blood if someone else managed to get to her first. He's moving fast, heading away from the village where he was found, in the direction of Iwa. After all, that's who her paymasters were, so that's where she'd most likely flee to.

The case is ridiculous. ANBU knew there was a spy, someone passing information to Iwa. There were too many cases of teams running into Iwa's ninjas to be a coincidence, but whoever was doing it was successfully keeping a low profile. They had got as far as "most likely a jounin" before a kunoichi came to the Hokage personally, reporting that a jounin with a huge amount of debt to a lot of people had just paid off most of her debts. Nobody else had reported it, but even after finally getting the money she'd written off as lost forever, the kunoichi had her suspicions. 

"I knew," she had apparently said, according to the ANBU who was standing guard in the office, "that nobody got bonuses this month. She was lying."

Embarrassing they hadn't caught her earlier, that only a tip-off led them to her. Ridiculous that out of thirty people, only one had questioned where the money had come from instead of just taking it and accepting it as now being theirs. The spy had fled as soon as ANBU appeared near her home, leaving behind five different shadow clones that gave her just enough time to get away. 

He didn't understand why someone smart enough to do that, to outwit ANBU for weeks, had decided that the best use of her talents was to sell out the village for her debts. It was a shame that she was going to have to die, she could have done something useful for Konoha instead. He was tasked to track her down and then call in an ambush, too many other missions going on to send a full team with him. It should have been straightforward. If the storm hadn't got in the way. If Kakashi hadn't appeared. 

After an hour of nothing, no signs at all, he's getting desperate. To find a trail completely dead like this is unusual, it doesn't happen to him often. Is he missing the signs? The only tracks, clues, are from animals, not his target. As he pauses to survey the area, he wishes he had accepted Kakashi's offer of help from a ninken. Pakkun would be able to track her down, no problem. The only problem is Pakkun knows them both too well, he'd realise something happened between them and then, well, he's not sure what exactly would happen next. Would Kakashi use his dog to spy on him? He knows the answer as soon as he thinks it, of course he would, but only if he felt it was necessary. Would this be necessary? He doesn't know, didn't want to risk it, even if he regrets it now.

Suddenly he feels it, snapping to attention as he instinctively looks ahead. It's faint but there's a whisp, a trace of chakra blown in his direction by the wind. She's got an affinity for wind, hasn't she? Tenzo doesn't know her chakra signature, can't read it from the distance like he could for someone he knows, but it's from a jutsu of a wind-user, a sign finally after the dead trail of the last hour. The thought reminds me of last night, how he missed Kakashi's signature at first. He'd never realised how close it is to wild lightning until then, easy enough to confuse if he wasn't looking out for it. Embarrassing, not a mistake he'll make again. 

He shakes Kakashi out of his mind, forces himself to focus on the trail before he loses it again, and follows it. The woods are quiet, he can't sense other ninjas nearby. It's not the main route between Konoha and Iwa. There are faster ways to get there but there's less security than on the main route, so which must be why she chose it. The signature starts to get stronger and he slows down, moving silently through the trees. There's more clues now, the occasional footprint and disturbed bushes, enough for him to track her exact route and reach a clearing, an ancient looking sundial in the middle of it. He stops, goes still enough to hide his presence up in the trees. She's there, leaning against the sundial, waiting. She looks nervous, she checks the time and then stamps her feet to try to calm her nerves. He's not the only person who was delayed by the weather. The fact she's still here suggests she missed her original meeting, is waiting for the follow-up and hoping Iwa gets here before Konoha does. 

The forest is still, he can't sense any other ninjas apart from her. He's supposed to call in an ambush and wait, but she's defenceless right now. There's nobody from Iwa to help her and despite her fidgeting, she's not aware of her surroundings. A group of ANBUs showing up might tip her off, her contacts at Iwa could show up at any minute. If he takes her out now it'll save him a lot of grief. His mind doesn't feel calm enough to wait, it needs something to do, it can't just wait. He activates the tracker they gave him, not as accurate as one of his own seeds but something other people can actually use, and she twitches. He watches her intently, as she starts to move and he makes the decision in a split-second. Today, caution flies out of the window and he jumps down to knock her over and bury a kunai in her throat before she can realise it.

He realises instantly he's made a huge mistake. As soon as he jumps, ten ninjas appear out of nowhere, suddenly revealing themselves to him. Black ops, just like him, apart from there's only one of him and ten of them. He's dangerously outnumbered and he has just enough time to make a wood clone before he's blasted to the ground. He hear his clone snap something, he desperately hopes it's someone's neck as he scrambles up from the ground and pulls his sword out of its scabbard. Someone grabs him from behind, he shatters their mask with the butt of his sword as he pulls it forward but they grab it. He drops it, lets them have it and he hears them swear as he runs through the signs, mokuton grabbing three of them before one of them shatters his mask too with a force that knocks him back over. 

They didn't just try to shatter it, they got a seal on his forehead. It's no ordinary seal, a normal one wouldn't survive the attack from the DNA of the First in him, even as weak as it is. It's something different, it blocks off his chakra completely and immediately. It runs through him like ice water, it feels like he's just fallen into a frozen lake, just like when he was a child and Orochimaru captured him. It's a sudden flash of memory he doesn't need as he tries to grab his kunai and finds himself pinned down.

"Oh, it is you! I didn't think we'd get you for something as tedious as a little old traitor, I'm so lucky! Tenzo, isn't it? I'm very curious, how exactly did you get that mokuton? Well, I'm honoured to kill you and find out just what your secret is." He knows that he's on the bingo books of the other villages, isn't surprised that they noticed his mokuton and are be very curious about it. Konoha's official line is that the First is the only shinobi to ever successfully use it, after all. He should have been more careful, should have realised this was an ambush to draw out rival ops and eliminate them. He tries to sink into the earth, let it absorb him but the ninja pinning him down stops him with a jutsu he doesn't recognise, something in her hands that's the same power in her seal on his forehead. He hears his wood clone shatter and feel its chakra vanish. If he can't get out of here right this second, he will die. He needs a plan, his mind races as he tries to assess the situation, the power locking down his chakra.

"I wanted that Kakashi, I didn't think Sharingans could work for non-Uchihas. I wanted to see it myself." Another shinobi comments nearby.

"Patience! There's bound to be reinforcements coming, we might be lucky and get both in one-" She doesn't get to finish her sentence, there's a gurgle before he feels the seals dissolve off him and his chakra rush back through him. The sudden warmth feels like coming home and he sinks into the ground, vanishing through the soil. He takes a moment to see who his saviour is, it's another ANBU in a different cat mask to his own, and how many people he's killed, which appears to be three. He reemerges from the ground through a nearby rock, taking out another enemy shinobi before he gets anywhere near his new ally. Four down. 

Tenzo sees another enemy sneaking up on the ANBU, distracted by the other two in front of him, just about to strike at his shoulder, the most exposed part of him in his uniform, and he dives just in time. He catches the full force of the strike, slicing into him but most of the blow hitting his armour, before sinking his kunai into his attacker's throat and turning, hearing that death rattle. Five down, but the wound is stinging from more than just pain. Shit, the blade was poisoned and from the way his vision already feels slightly wobbly and off, with an incredibly strong one. He manages to get his next attack with his mokuton, wood crushing the life out of them, before he staggers back, dropping the body before his balance goes and he tips onto the ground. There's only two more enemies left, the other ANBU has made quick work of them, but one of them spots him on the ground and goes for him. Tenzo tries to get up but his legs won't work, his whole body refuses to move. He's frozen as the enemy comes for him. 

His vision is blurry, this might be it. Another memory flashes into his mind. He's knocked down like this, when he was small, a child, an enemy advancing on him. Then someone standing in front of him, defending him, killing the enemy with a fierce protectiveness before looking back at him. Her face, for a moment, looks familiar before it vanishes into blankness. 

"I told you I'd protect you from any creep!" A gas rolls in like fog on what had been a clear day and the woman in front of him collapses, before the fog reaches him too and makes him retch. A voice in the distance, this one as familiar as the woman but with a name attached to it, commenting drily. 

"Well, didn't she do a good job of it. Take the boy and get rid of her." The memory fades after that, whatever happened next is something his brain's refused to keep. Oh, sensei, she was good but she wasn't sannin-good. The thought appears out of nowhere, no context, who's sensei, confusing him more, before he hears a name being called. A name, no, not her name for him, his current name.

"...Tenzo-senpai!" His eyes come back into focus enough to see the ANBU in front of him, if multiple versions of him. Tenzo-senpai? Oh, that's him, right? Tenzo. Tenzoooo. It does sound better than Kinoe, and all those other names he had. Subject 49 had to be the worst of them. He sees fingers being waved in front of him, hears half a question about "counting". He narrows his eyes, trying to focus on the fingers as they keep doubling up. 

"Six?" Tenzo manages, because it's hard to keep up when they split and go back into each other. Can't he keep them still? He feels a hand on his shoulder, holding him down before there's a sudden jab in his shoulder and a cold rush of fluid. His vision starts to stabilise, still blurry around the edges, and the voice of his ally sounds clearer. 

"Can you hear me now?" 

"Yes." He hears the sigh of relief as the ANBU helps him up onto his feet. Tenzo is wobbly but keeps upright, the world is spinning but at a slow enough speed that he doesn't fall straight over. 

"That antidote should be enough to get you back to Konoha, but whatever it was, it was strong. You went down in a minute. You'll need a specific antidote." The ANBU waves something at him, it's hard to focus on it when it's moving. "I found their bingo book, looks like it was part of a programme to take out rival ops."

"The traitor?" He gets it out with some effort and the ANBU gestures over to where he assumes her body is, because if he turns to look he's going to throw up. 

"They killed her as soon as you appeared. I think she was just a lure to get us to appear. She didn't have any further use to them after fleeing Konoha." 

"Right." The intense nausea he's feeling is getting worse, and he must look bad too because he's not asked any further questions. Instead the ANBU lifts him onto his back carefully and they start on their journey back to Konoha. The antidote is enough to stop him from hallucinating any further, probably because he was dying, but the poison is still badly affecting him. He tries to work out what he saw, if it was a memory or his imagination, but he can't think clearly. His whole body aches and hurts, he feels sick and his vision is starting to go again. Tenzo shuts his eyes and then opens them again. If he shuts them now he might not ever open them again. He forces himself to stay awake, to not let himself drift off, but after half an hour he can feel it getting worse, the boundaries starting to blur between here, right now, the past and the future. 

"Tenzo-senpai?" That name again. He recognises that name, it's his name. That's what they call him now, it's a good name. It's what Kakashi calls him too, the name he encouraged him to pick as his own. The thought makes him smile, even if he can't move his mouth fully enough to do it. Ah. At least he got to kiss Kakashi, to hold him, before he died. That's good, even if Kakashi is going to be mad at him. So will his sensei, the other test subjects, the head of the orphanage, the teachers, the staff, his dead comrades and his kouhais probably will too. He should apologise.

"...I'm sorry. Can you tell...everyone. Sensei, Kakashi...every." Suddenly his vision goes completely, everything falls silent as it fades out. This must be death, finally coming for him after missing him out when he took the others. This time he can't escape it, it's too fast for him to be afraid, and he lets it carry him off into the darkness.

* * *

There's light, a growing brightness around him, he struggles to open his eyes again. It's so bright, it's almost blinding, is this the afterlife? A sudden, stabbing pain in his head strikes him and he lets out a groan, trying to open his eyes fully as every part of him starts to ache in protest. False alarm. If he was dead he wouldn't hurt so much. As Tenzo's eyes start to adjust to the light, he sees the white walls in front of him, and smells antiseptic and cleaning fluid. It feels familiar, just like when he woke up before in a hospital bed after being rescued, but this time he's in a proper hospital, no induction into Root looming ahead for him. An improvement, though he feels even worse this time.

"So, you realise you've got no excuse for being hospitalised like this." Even after only just waking up, he recognises Kakashi's voice and can hear the sarcasm in it. That confirms he really is still alive, because Kakashi wouldn't be so mad with him if he was dead. He hears Kakashi walk over and he tries to sit up, only for a wave of nausea to wash over him. His hand goes to cover his mouth, just in case he does throw up. "Here." Kakashi is carefully pulling him up to a sitting position, before placing a basin neatly in his lap. It's highly considerate when Kakashi is obviously angry with him. Once he's sure that he's not about to throw up, he moves his hand away and finds Kakashi looking him over, before moving back and crossing his arms. He looks as annoyed as he sounded.

"You're alive then, if incredibly stupid. That poison should have killed you, but I guess the gods smile on idiots." The look in Kakashi's eye dares Tenzo to challenge him on this point, which he can't, because it was a stupid decision on his part. It doesn't change the fact Kakashi is even here says that he's been concerned about him. He wants to explain what happened, or what he can through that lingering nausea and his headache. 

"I was-"

"Save it for your captain when you're debriefing." He expects it to be the end of any talk about his mission when Kakashi unexpectedly continues. "I wouldn't have sent one person on that mission, even if they were to call for backup when they found the target. I've already had words with him about it. But then, I can't be too hard on him, because it was my fault too." 

"Your fault?" 

"I distracted you, didn't I? Normally you'd never do something that stupid, but what happened between us put you in a spin and distracted you when you were making a vital decision." Tenzo wants to deny it, it sounds pathetic when Kakashi puts it so bluntly but he's too surprised by just how quickly Kakashi cuts to the heart of the matter and he's not nimble enough in his current state to do it. His silence confirms Kakashi's suspicions and he sighs. "I knew it. I shouldn't have distracted you like that, it nearly got you killed. It was just me being selfish, I let my emotions get in the way of keeping you safe. You nearly died."

"I didn't though." It's an obvious point, he knows, but it's one he's got to make when Kakashi is taking all the weight of guilt for his stupid decision. He catches how Kakashi describes their night together as him being selfish and letting his emotions get in the way, not that he was doing Tenzo a favour that Tenzo then took too seriously afterwards. It gives him a hope he shouldn't be thinking about in this moment when he's still recovering from being seriously poisoned. Perhaps it didn't happen just because Tenzo wanted it, maybe Kakashi wanted it just as much.

"Even if we hadn't met the night before, I would have been walking into an ambush by myself anyway. Distracted or not, the same thing could have happened even if I'd waited. If the team had gone with me, they might have died in the first attack, instead of them getting all excited about my mokuton and focusing on me alone. He might have not got his opening to kill them."

"So I did distract you. It was my fault." Kakashi sits down on the edge of the bed next to him, looking at him to try to make his point more directly. It's useful for Tenzo too, when he's going to convince him he's wrong. It's probably not the time to argue about it, his head aches, his stomach is churning and if he had anything to throw up, he probably would. He can't let Kakashi decide this is his fault like he thinks the deaths of the others are. 

"No. It was my mission, the decision to not wait was mine. Everyone makes their own choices in the end, even if they turn out to be wrong." Kakashi is quiet for a moment and Tenzo takes his hand, turns it over and rubs a circle in the palm of it with his thumb. This time it's not a determined, defiant gesture to stop Kakashi from rejecting him. He does it slowly and thoughtfully instead. Kakashi doesn't knock him back or take his hand away, letting him hold it as he dwells, broods, before finally replying.

"I don't doubt it was your choice, I just still feel responsible." 

"You shouldn't. Without our meeting, it still would have been an ambush. We're ninjas, death is always a risk." It's blunt but true, he can't pretend otherwise and they both know it. Kakashi nods, still brooding, silent and thoughtful. Tenzo knows that even if Kakashi knows he's right, he will still feel responsible, that he shouldn't have slept with Tenzo, and he will carry it with him. 

After that brush with death, he doesn't feel afraid of Kakashi's vulnerabilities like he did before. Kakashi has come down to his level, he's no longer out of reach, it's true, but it doesn't matter to him now. He didn't guilt Kakashi into it, not when Kakashi sees it as his own selfishness. He might get hurt but he's already hurt anyway, what's one more injury? He's alive, Kakashi is alive and they're both here. He's holding Kakashi's hand and he's not backed away from him. It's finally time to confess, even if he's doing it the wrong way around by doing it after they've had sex. 

"I don't regret it. If you do, I won't ask you to do it again, but I really liked seeing you beyond being my senpai. I just really like you, whatever you're doing-" Kakashi cuts him mid-confession with a kiss, mask pulled down in a hurry to just under his lips and when Kakashi pulls back, Tenzo can see the fierce blush on his cheeks. Oh. He's embarrassed? That's so cute, and it must show on his face that he's thinking that because Kakashi huffs, going even redder as he rests a finger on Tenzo's lips to stop him from saying another word.

"You really like me? Prove it. Recover in time to take me to the festival. I want to go goldfish scooping and you owe me dinner. If you don't wear a yukata I'll leave." He lifts the finger from Tenzo's lips, just in time for Tenzo to object.

"The festival? That's a month away." 

"A month? It's next Sunday. See, that's why I deserve it. You scared me with your nearly dead face, which is your only scary face despite what your kouhais say, by the way. You better bring enough money or I won't put out." Tenzo feels himself go bright red in response, catches a glimpse of Kakashi looking like a tomato as he pulls his mask back up and leaves the room before he can respond. Again. He stares at the door for a moment before sagging back into his pillows, hit by tiredness after all that talking and his face still red. 

Kakashi will put out? Did he borrow that from Ichi Ichi or something? That sounds like something a girl in those books would say. The thought of Kakashi putting out, weird borrowed phrase or not, makes him flush even more, before he realises that as weirdly as he put it, that was Kakashi asking him on a date. Asking him on a date to a festival, where Kakashi might be wearing a yukata too since he's insisting he wears one. His whole face is burning as he slides down the pillows onto the mattress, the basin falling off the bed with a clang. He feels like he's lost all strength in his body as he hides his cheeks under the sheets. He can't believe it, a proper date, fireworks and all. He's so glad to be alive.


	19. Part Two: Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's sex at the end of this chapter aka Kakashi puts out on the first date, pass it on.

The evening air is alive with the noise of crowds, of people laughing and talking, the rhythm of the drums and pipes in the distance as the parade following the portable shrine starts to make its way back to the main shrine grounds. Kakashi waits. He picked a quiet spot for their meeting point. A cluster of trees close enough to keep an eye on people coming in and out of the shrine, but not close enough to the road to be noticed. This would mean that when he showed up ten minutes late Tenzo could blow up at him in relative privacy. It's a good plan but Tenzo spoiled it by not being there when he arrives. 

Tenzo is rarely late, occasionally lectures Kakashi on his lack of respect for other people's time, even though those other people never respect his time by not boring him, but tonight is one of those rare occasions where Tenzo is later than him. Usually it wouldn't bother him, he'd just wait here reading until Tenzo shows up and then tease him mercilessly, but tonight he feels restless, uncertain. He hasn't seen Tenzo since he set up this date, he's been covering for Tenzo in missions. When he has made it to the hospital, access was always barred by formidable nurses, informing him visiting hours were over. Visiting hours aren't usually that strictly enforced, a decent ninja can talk their way around the nurses, but security was strict around Tenzo thanks to that novel and very dangerous poison. Too much risk of someone trying to sneak in to steal it, or to finish Tenzo off before they could unravel its mysteries completely. Although the fact he got around the previous security to see Tenzo when he woke up probably didn't help his cause, either. 

It's only been a week, but a life can change permanently in days, hours, minutes. What if, during his recovery, during the treatments, tests and the debriefs, Tenzo realised that he was right? That it was Kakashi's fault and it was unforgivable, that he shouldn't have forgiven Kakashi while he was still strung out from the poison. Or what if he's had a setback in his recovery, he's getting worse. He had to go back to bed, back into unconsciousness and fever, or even right back to the brink of death again like when he was brought back to Konoha. When he said it was scary, he was wrong. It was worse than that. Tenzo didn't look scary, he looked like a corpse, only an occasional breath to confirm he hadn't gone yet. He thought it was over, that his actions led to the death of another comrade, the one thing he promised he wouldn't let happen again. Tenzo's recovery is a miracle, one that he still can't quite believe, one that could still be taken away. 

He can't dwell on it, can't let the uncertainty take over tonight. This date is supposed to be certain, but Tenzo is late, and he's waiting. He checks his kit again to distract himself, the weapons stashed on him even while he's wearing a yukata, a brand new one he had to buy after discovering he's long since outgrown his old one. Kakashi hasn't worn it since he was fourteen, he should have expected it but he didn't. The weapons are all in place. He checks his mask, it's still firmly in place. His gloves, an old pair of ANBU gloves cut down, almost a casual pair, are on and not torn, no chance for a curious stranger to try to find what name he has on his hand. Just like when he checked before, it's all in place and he turns to watch the crowds again, both to monitor and to manage his restlessness. 

He sees a group of genins running past, dodging through the couples and families all out together, shouting at each other before pausing nearby. They haven't noticed him, they're too excited as they show each other their hands, peering at the names on them before one bursts into laughter and the girl in the group starts pouting. The other boy breaks in, points out they need to decide what they're going to eat, and they start discussing options, arguing with each other's choices as they run into the shrine. It reminds him of his team, how it was the one time they did manage to pull him along to the festival. He'd been aloof, refusing to take part in what he thought was their childish enthusiasm. Foolish, like he always was then. How many festivals have there been since then, how many genin teams have run in, excited and fighting over what to eat? 

"Kakashi-senpai." A voice finally calls out to him and he straightens up, casually raises a hand in greeting as Tenzo runs over and stops just in front of him before trying to catch his breath. Tenzo looks better than he did the last time he saw him, even if there's still shadows around his eyes and he's paler than usual and drawn. Tenzo is still in recovery but well enough to be out, to be here in the yukata he demanded he wear. He glances at the yukata, it's a dark blue colour that would suit him, if he'd tied the belt correctly and he smiles to himself under the mask. Too much of a hurry to do it, or no clue how to do it? Either's possible with Tenzo.

"You made it. But your belt's tied wrong." 

"Really?" Tenzo glances down again, there's a hint of confusion and panic in his expression that makes Kakashi take pity on him as he steps forward. He carefully undoes the knot while holding it together so the yukata doesn't fall straight open and ties it properly for him. 

"It'd have been fine in a hot spring. There." It reminds him of his father, of Minato, of Rin helping to fix his clothes, straightening him up and retying his obi for him. Returning the favour at last, until he looks up at Tenzo's face and sees that there's finally some colour in Tenzo's face again, in a blush across his cheeks. That's something different. 

"I'm sorry to trouble you, and sorry I'm late. They overran at the hospital, then none of the yukatas the others had fitted me, I had to find one to rent, everyone else was doing that too so…" Tenzo's head sags, tired out just by thinking about his afternoon before he drops into a bow. "Sorry to make you wait." It's so serious and it makes Kakashi smile. His hand pats Tenzo's head like he would a ninken, before Tenzo straightens up with that flush still in his cheeks.

"It's fine. Let's go." They head towards the path into the shrine, weaving through the trees and Kakashi watches Tenzo from the corner of his eye. The blush is starting to fade from his cheeks but his colour is better. The fresh air must be helping, or at least it's a good excuse to keep Tenzo out as late as possible. Tenzo catches his glance, blinks before giving Kakashi a small smile in response. "So, you did bring your wallet, right? I meant it." The smile instantly turns into a pout, the kind that makes teasing Tenzo so fun, exactly why he can't quit doing it.

"Senpais are supposed to pay when they take their kouhais out." 

"What, you think it's like that? It's a date, Tenzo. Beside, you owe me." Tenzo grumbles before showing that yes, his wallet is tucked into the sleeve of his yukata. Something tells him, all those years of close observation, that calling this a date won the battle more than calling on Tenzo's strong sense of obligation. As they reach the gate Tenzo pauses, squinting in the brightness after the dark of the trees and Kakashi stops too, looks up at the gate, waits for Tenzo's eyes to adjust. He's not in a rush, it's a contrast to their constant running on missions, places to be and people to kill. 

"Sorry, my pupils were still adjusting. I'm ready now." They start walking again, pause to bow as they walk under the gate and into the thick of the crowd. His hand goes to the sleeve of Tenzo's yukata, holding onto it to stop them getting separated as he spies the food stands. 

"This way." He pulls on it before letting go and Tenzo follows him, away from the crowds heading straight to the fortunes and to pray towards the food stands. He brushes past a group of girls in yukatas who giggle as he goes past, hears a whispered "Hatake-san" and feels their excitement at being out, having fun, gawking at boys. He can feel their eyes on him, the way their gazes slide right past Tenzo, and like always he ignores it. He's used to curiosity, to being watched, it's hard to escape with his past, but Tenzo doesn't seem to notice at all as he scans the food stands. 

"Shaved ice, daigo, taiyaki, candy floss, takoyaki. You don't eat any of this." 

"Find me something I will then." He could look, of course, but it's more fun to get Tenzo to do it for him. "I already had to wait because you were late." Tenzo sighs but he walks through the stands, Kakashi following him before he stops in front of a stand grilling fish on skewers. Tenzo glances back to him, and he nods, leaving Tenzo to order and more importantly, pay for it. A few minutes later they're out of the crowds. Tenzo is cradling his yakisoba like it's a frightened puppy that might escape, refuses a bite from his skewer, before starting to eat as soon as they're in a dark corner like someone's about to take his food off him. Kakashi laughs and Tenzo's blush is visible even in the shadows, but it still doesn't stop him eating.

"It's actual food, I didn't realise how much I missed it." 

"Hospital food was like usual then." 

"Kakashi-senpai, I apologise for judging you so harshly for driving the nurses nuts so they'd let you go home. I was starting to consider it." His hand goes to Tenzo's hair without thinking, ruffles it before smoothing it back and it makes Tenzo's blush even darker but doesn't stop him from eating. They must have been starving him in there. 

"Mm. It's boring, being stuck doing nothing. Are you going to be nicer to me next time I have to go now?"

"If you weren't reckless with your chakra you wouldn't have to go at all." That sounds like a no, and it's funny though Tenzo probably has a point. But he can never hold back when he reaches that stage, he'd rather die from it than let his team down in the heat of the moment. They finish eating and head back into the crowds, drifting towards the games. As soon as the owners see Kakashi's Sharingan they bar him from their games, not trusting his promise not to cheat when he can't turn it off like the Uchihas can, sending Tenzo into a fit of laughter before they bar Tenzo too in case he's there to help Kakashi cheat. 

"How would a Sharingan even help me cheat in goldfish scooping?"

"You could slow down time enough to see where they were moving to." Kakashi considers it as they walk away, heading towards the crowds pulling their fortunes. "Or you could hypnotise them into jumping into the scoop." They look at each other and as Tenzo bursts into laughter he chuckles too. He probably could, if he really wanted to, but why would he? The embarrassment of getting barred seems minor compared to how much it's making Tenzo laugh, and it's relaxing to see Tenzo so happy, enjoying himself.

They reach the fortunes booth and Tenzo picks up a box, shaking it before offering it to him. He pulls out a stick and Tenzo takes the box, pulls out another before giving them to the shrine maiden in the booth. She's pretty in her robes, gives Tenzo a beaming smile that's unsurprising, considering how he looks in his yukata. Tenzo manages to miss it completely, before he turns to Kakashi with both fortunes in his hand. 

"This one is yours." 

Kakashi ignores the one he's offered, picks the other one out of Tenzo's fingers on instinct. He unsticks the paper, ignoring Tenzo's objections, and reads the fortune. 

'Curse. You will be unlucky in love, your health will be bad, you will fail at work and travel will be dangerous.' Bad news on every front. He moves to the wire frames and ties it up before Tenzo can read it, get discouraged by it. To him it doesn't matter, he pulled a super lucky fortune here and still lost his team afterwards, but he's glad he got the bad luck. Tenzo is still reading his own before showing it to Kakashi. 

"Very good fortune." He skims through the rest of the fortune, it's the usual. "In love, see their heart not their features. Good advice." He gives Tenzo the paper back, Tenzo tucks it away in his wallet with a blush before looking to see where Kakashi's fortune is. He raises his hands, showing how empty they are, and Tenzo frowns.

"Gone."

"Gone?"

"Gone. It can wait."

"It was bad-" 

"Hey, haven't you got some prayers to do while we're here? They've spared you once, you should thank them for that or they won't do it again." Tenzo takes the bait, doesn't mention Kakashi's fortune again as he guides them towards the main shrine. His arm goes around Tenzo's shoulder to stop him from getting lost. He doesn't need to do it, Tenzo knows where they're going. He even gives Kakashi a look that says he knows, but it's an excuse to be close to him while people surge pass them.

"I guess I should."

"And if you pray for anything, it should be for your recovery. Both physically and financially." 

"Ha ha." He expects to take a coin off Tenzo but he beats him to it, taking his free hand and pointedly putting a five ryo coin in it before stepping up to the offering box. Kakashi joins him on the step, catches his eye and they lock eyes, looking at each other. The noise of the crowd, the festival fades away for a moment, and it feels like they're the only two people in the world. Tenzo is looking at him, really looking, and Kakashi starts to blush under the mask. Is he considering his fortune, finally, seeing his heart instead of his features? His own eyes are stuck on the features right now, the dark eyes watching him, that nose and those soft lips, but then he saw Tenzo's heart before his features anyway, so he can excuse it. He curves his eyes into a smile, sees Tenzo look away with a smile of his own before he tosses his coin into the offering box, and he feels something burst in his heart. 

Oh, Tenzo's proved it. He's putting out tonight. He can't say he's just doing it for Tenzo's sake now, nor does he want to. It's probably not what he should be thinking just before praying, he should have a clear head, but he can't help it. He follows him, throws his coin into the box and claps before praying. His ask is simple, just for the gods to look after the ones he's lost, wherever they are, and look after Tenzo. He can't ask for anything else. 

When it's finally time for the fireworks, they leave the grounds of the shrine, go up the hill behind the shrine. It's quieter, the footing's rough as they divert off the path, and Kakashi takes Tenzo's hand as they walk through the shadows. He's sure the clearing he remembers is near here, he pauses in the shadow of a tree to check where they are. Tenzo slips into the shadow next to him without prompting, a product of hundreds of missions together and years of teamwork. He squeezes Tenzo's hand before he starts walking again, glad that they're not waiting to kill someone like usual, their only possible foe another couple on a date who beat them up here. Glad that Tenzo hasn't forgotten their teamwork anyway.

"Ah." They stop at the view in front of them as they enter the clearing, Konoha laid out before them. Tenzo looks as stunned as he sounded, as Kakashi leads him just a little further forward to get the full view. "I didn't realise you could see it like this from here." 

"It's a great view from here, you'll see the full display. Have you seen it before?"

"No, I've never been to this festival before." Kakashi hums to himself as he moves behind Tenzo, wrapping his arms around him and resting his chin on Tenzo's shoulder. It's easier now they're closer in height, an advantage that hasn't struck him before, but the hair still brushes against his cheek even at this length. Tenzo leans back on him, looking tired but content.

"I haven't been in a long time. It was fun. We should do it again next year." 

"Next year?" 

"Well, you kept your word and paid for everything. Why not do the same again next year?" Tenzo sighs but he tugs his mask down, enough to uncover his lips so he can kiss the shell of Tenzo's ear before continuing in a whisper against it. "Come home with me and I'll keep my word too. You proved you really liked me. I...really like you, too." Kakashi wishes his voice didn't sound so hesitant on the last sentence, the most important part, but it's something he's never said before, never had the need to. From the way Tenzo goes bright red, even to the tips of his ears, it's hit its mark anyway. Tenzo looks like he's shut down for a moment, before he tilts his head back, reaching his lips and kissing him just as the fireworks start. 

The fireworks are excellent, from what Kakashi manages to see of them, distracted by Tenzo. Eventually he pulls back, with a whisper that they'll miss the whole thing if they're not careful. It's enough to stop Tenzo pulling him straight back in. Instead he leans back further on Kakashi, his arms tightening around him to support him as they watch the fireworks. The colours shine onto Tenzo's face as they light up the night sky, his face still a little red from his confession but his eyes focused on the fireworks as they explode in the clear, dark sky. Kakashi keeps his eyes on both the fireworks and Tenzo, an unusual feeling of peace spreading in him, like he's in the place he's supposed to be, doing what he's supposed to do. A sense of fitting in.

The final fireworks streak up into the sky, exploding into a shower of golden glitter that slowly falls down to earth, and then silence, like the crowd below them is all holding their breath, seeing if that really is the end. Tenzo looks from the fading trail of light to him, the last sparkle of light reflected in his dark eyes, Kakashi leans in and kisses him. A sudden crack of a branch in the background startles them both from the kiss and they turn to look, Kakashi's hand going to the kunai concealed in his sleeve on instinct. Another couple leaving the hill, the girl bowing to apologise before catching up with her boyfriend. Kakashi feels exposed, his cheeks are a little pink at getting caught but Tenzo laughs when his hand moves into Kakashi's sleeve, following his movement, and he feels the metal in it. 

"So that's where you're keeping it!"

"You need to be prepared for anything. So where are yours? Or do I have to find them myself?" There's a leer in his voice that makes Tenzo blush and he gives Tenzo a pat-down on his sides, letting his hands linger on his waist. "Not there. Let's go home and see if I can find them then." He lets go of Tenzo, takes his hand and leads Tenzo, blushing heavily but looking much better for it, back down the hill. 

He's holding Tenzo's right hand, and as they walk together in a silence that's comfortable but filled with thoughts and expectations, he thinks of the books he's read. In them, this would be the moment he would check Tenzo's hand to see whose name is on it. Not in Ichi Ichi, maybe he's more sensitive to it than most people but he's noticed that Jiraiya never uses them, that they don't even exist in the worlds he writes. Other books would use it, though. This would be the moment he checks to if he's Tenzo's soulmate, but he knows better than to rely on books for guidance now. It'll only hurt to know who it is, who he's keeping Tenzo away from, and he realises Obito was right, again, even if he was lied to. It's better not to look, not to know.

He doesn't check. He keeps Tenzo's right hand in his own, as warm as it always is, and ignores the urge to look. Instead he thinks about where they're going, what they're going to do once they get back to his apartment. How much will Tenzo blush when he's taking that yukata off him? Or will he keep it on him instead, pull it up over those muscular thighs and suck him off like that? He glances over at Tenzo, who's been watching him the whole time.  
"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking if your yukata will stay on or not when I suck you off." Tenzo goes bright red in response and mumbles something like "ah", clearly thinking about it despite his embarrassment. That makes Kakashi blush too, suddenly intensely embarrassed by his own words. There's a difference in reading it, thinking it in the safety of his own head, and actually saying it out loud. Actions are much easier, less embarrassing, and when they arrive at his apartment he relies on them instead. He pushes Tenzo up against the door as soon as he's locked it and kisses him, no pretence of Tenzo having to ask for it as he pushes up against him. Tenzo whines against his lips in a way that goes straight through him, and now being pressed up against Tenzo isn't enough, he needs to feel his whole body against him. He doesn't break the kiss to move Tenzo over to the bed, only pulling back to push him down onto it.

Tenzo falls willingly, looking like he can't quite believe this is happening as the light from the street outside shines on his face. It makes Kakashi's heart ache, that urge to possess, to keep Tenzo, his hair mused, yukata riding up to show those ridiculously strong thighs of his, all to himself. He can't, not forever, but for tonight and as long as he can, he'll keep him. He climbs onto the bed, on his knees in front of Tenzo, and lets himself just look.

"Look at you." Of course Tenzo can't, can't see himself like Kakashi does, but the note of wonder in his voice makes him flush in the dim light, before his hand moves to his face, making a pulling down motion that it takes Kakashi a moment to get. He slides his yukata down his shoulders enough to get his arms out and pulls off his undershirt. He throws it off onto the floor, slides his yukata back up before hesitating on his gloves for a moment again. He looks at Tenzo, sees how he's looking at him now that he's wearing his yukata properly, trying not to stare at his chest and failing miserably. Suddenly, for the first time he can remember since he found out what it means, he doesn't care about the lack of the name on his hand at all. Fuck it. It doesn't matter. 

He takes off his gloves and reaches for Tenzo without any doubt, gets on top of him before loosening his yukata and kissing his way down his chest. Tenzo arches into his kisses, breath catching and fingers tangling in Kakashi's hair. He's already half-hard, straining against the fabric when Kakashi reaches his underwear. Tenzo's fingers tightened in his hair as he pauses, a clear signal to keep going, but Kakashi ignores it. He wants to absorb the moment, let his earlier fantasy sink into what he's about to do, takes long enough doing it that Tenzo's eyes open again and he looks down with a frown. Tenzo, cautious and patient, is getting impatient with him because he wants him so badly, wants his mouth around his cock, and the thought sends a rush of warmth through him as he pulls them off. He gives Tenzo a wink before dipping his head, giving a testing swipe to the tip of his cock before taking all of his cock into his mouth with no further warning. 

Tenzo swears, his hips lifting up and his cock swelling in Kakashi's mouth. The weight of it in his mouth is making him hard too, as he starts to suck. He's done this enough times before to know what he's doing, but never with such an appreciative audience as Tenzo lifts up his head to watch him. There's no ambiguity, Tenzo is thinking about him, only him, and even as those dark eyes so closely watching him make him blush, Tenzo here and in his bed, giving up to him is all he wants. He takes Tenzo in further, bobbing his head as Tenzo groans, taking him in his mouth right up to the hilt and swallowing. Tenzo makes a noise like it's the best thing that's ever happened to him, his cock twitching in Kakashi's mouth. Kakashi doesn't stop, keeps sucking on his cock until Tenzo is squirming under him, hips shuddering and he can taste pre-cum in his mouth. He's so hard but it doesn't matter, not until Tenzo comes. When he does Kakashi doesn't stop, swallowing Tenzo down as he nearly lifts off the bed, holding him down by his hips to stop him from choking him as he comes down his throat and Tenzo's fingers dig into his hair. 

When he finally pulls back, mouth tasting of Tenzo, he feels a little dizzy, mostly from how hard he is but a little from the lack of oxygen too. Tenzo is dazed, exhausted, laid out to him without any self-consciousness, thighs still open for him as he tries to catch his breath. It is a sight that makes his cock ache, makes him want to fuck Tenzo, give him love bites, hold him until morning. 

"Oh, Tenzo." His voice is rough, thick and Tenzo shivers in response to it. He moves back up, meeting Tenzo's lips in a kiss and his right hand moves to cup Tenzo's cheek. The lack of a name is right against his skin, and Kakashi doesn't even think of it.


	20. Part Three: Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited because there's much more of the rest of the Naruto cast from this point onward. I like them living in a community, it's part of why I like the series.

_I am on a journey_  
_Yet at night I make a fire._  
_In the dark, my love_  
_Will be pining for me._  
The Embassy to Shiragi

Part Three: The Light

Kakashi almost blows him off without thinking, on autopilot. Guy is stronger than he is. His refusals to get daigo, to do his challenges, his outright ignoring of Guy when he's being particularly self-absorbed, have never put Guy off. This time Guy asks him, by himself with nobody lurking in the background, to get yakitori. He's about to decline when he stops and thinks about his situation. Guy has always been a good friend to him, even when he's been a lousy one in return. Guy was concerned by his time in ANBU and what it was doing to him. Now he's out of ANBU, back among the jounins properly for the first time since he was fourteen. They're nearly all strangers to him. Guy is the only one he knows, the only one he calls a friend. Shouldn't he be doing more? Isn't this where he can start?

He accepts, and Guy nearly cries with joy, before guiding him to the yakitori stand. It's a small place, a group of chunins are using the one table at the back so they sit at the bar. Kakashi lets the wave of Guy's conversation wash over him. It's almost too much to keep up with but Guy's enthusiasm is an effective counter against his own thoughts and his uncertainty over what he's going to do now. 

"You're too cool, Kakashi." Guy declares as their skewers arrive, and Kakashi drinks a little of his beer before he smiles in response.

"Cool? It's just how I am." 

"That's the thing! Everyone looks at you and thinks how cool you are, but a man must have his burning passions too! Did the Spring of Youth pass you by completely?" Guy is getting heated as he tears off some of the chicken off his skewer, and Kakashi considers his "burning passions". Burning is a little, well, extreme for him, but passion isn't that far out. Passion, a passion...

Tenzo's dark eyes watching him as he presses him back against the bark. Both of them silent. They're supposed to be hiding from their pursuers but distracted by Kakashi's decision, while hiding in the shadows of the tree, to minimise their profile by pressing Tenzo up against said tree. Tenzo's ragged breathing as his hands go to Kakashi's ass, trying to focus on the footsteps in the distance as Kakashi grinds up against him. They're being hunted but this group is incompetent, messed up every chance they had, they can be outwitted just by hiding for a while. They shouldn't be doing this while they're waiting but it's been days of travelling, of tracking, of Tenzo too focused on the mission to consider fooling around, as hard as that is to imagine when Tenzo squeezes his ass. It's been too long, the opportunity too appealing to pass by when they're dealing with idiots. The footsteps fade away as their pursuers give up and Tenzo mumbles something under his breath before pushing his hips to meet Kakashi's, deciding that they might as well end what they've started. 

Well. That's a passion, but definitely not something he can share with Guy. Especially not when he's blushing under his mask from just thinking about it. 

"Do the ninkens count?" Guy squints at him, trying to assess if he's joking or not, before letting out a sigh. 

"I guess. Surely you can't only be passionate about your dogs though."

"They're good dogs. Just the other day, Biscuit did the funniest thing..." Kakashi tells Guy all about Biscuit. Guy listens patiently, before laughing at the conclusion of Biscuit accidentally trashing a market stall and Kakashi having to pay for the damage. 

"So, how's life out of ANBU?" As soon as Guy asks Kakashi glances over at the other table out of habit, but they're too drunk and loud to pay any attention to them. Now that he's out it's not a secret anymore, it's only current members who have to worry about it, but old habits die hard. 

"It's been two weeks, I can't say." 

"I'm glad you're out! It was bad for you." Kakashi knew from the Third that Guy was pushing for him to be discharged, arguing that ANBU was having a negative effect on him, that his heart wasn't dark enough for it, even trying to join to help him. Hearing it directly from Guy is different though. He doesn't deserve the consideration Guy gives him, he's not worth it, but it's good even if it's undeserved.

"The missions were fine, but I can't be a teacher. They'll be children, actual children, what am I supposed to do with them? I can't be responsible for them, they'll end up traumatised." Or dead, he adds silently, but even thinking it feels like tempting fate. "I don't know why he chose it for me." Guy puts down his chicken, crosses his arms and heaves a big sigh, considering it seriously. 

"I see, I see, but surely you'll be great. Seeing your students in their youth will fire you up, inspire you! I don't have a team yet, but guiding youth to a bright future, teaching them the Will of Fire, isn't it glorious?" Guy's excited, the idea working him up. Kakashi tries to imagine what it'd be like to be a optimist, seeing the potential in everything instead of just the downsides, what can go wrong. It looks more fun.

"Do you have any concerns about teaching?"

"Of course, it's not easy, but I'll do my best for my students. My teachers did that for me, I must pass their legacy onto the next generation!" Kakashi doesn't expect Guy to admit to doubt. It surprises him for a moment before he realises what Guy wants is what he wants too, if he has to be a teacher. He can't follow in the footsteps of Minato, of Rin, of Obito and his father, he's not even half the ninja they were, but he can try to pass their legacy on to the next generation. Guy's passion is inspiring. Even if he doubts his own ability to teach and be responsible for a genin team. 

The loud, drunk group behind them start to leave, splitting into smaller groups as they depart. It's noisy but not loud enough to stop their conversation, until an argument starts. They both pause, glance behind them, attention focused on the two remaining women. One of them is steaming drunk, the other only a little drunk. She's trying to get her really drunk friend to leave but she wants to keep drinking. It's nothing unusual in itself, a drunk not knowing when to quit, but with the chaos the Uchiha massacre has caused in the police force, nearly wiping it out in one night, Guy and Kakashi might need to intervene before it escalates. Konoha is on edge after it and a drunk causing trouble feels more like a threat to the peace than before. 

"Come on, let's go! You can't have one more, you're too drunk!" The friend is pulling on the drunk's arm but she refuses to move. There's something in her drunkenness that's concerning, a desire to obliterate herself. The friend finally loses her temper, starts to shout at the drunk woman.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you being like this, why are you always like this now?" The drunk shoves her hand into her friend's face, a move that makes Kakashi start to move off his stool before the hand stops, doesn't connect as a punch like he feared it would. 

"Do you really want to know?"

"If it stops you acting like this, yes!" 

"What does my hand say?" The friend rolls her eyes, pulling her hand out of her face before taking a look at it.

"Yuko, like it always has. What's your problem?" The drunk laughs to herself, grabs one of the beer bottles near her and drains the dregs of it before putting it back down. 

"Hey, hey. Guess what happened on my last mission? I had to kill her! I think that's what made it so easy to find her. Oh, but before you say "how do you know", unlike you and your Takashis, I checked!" There is a moment of triumph, before her face crumples and she bursts into tears. They both turn back on their stools to face the kitchen. They're aware that they've accidentally witnessed an intensely personal moment and don't want to get involved in it, now it's clear that the only person the drunk's kicking off at is herself. Kakashi has heard that it can happen, people's soulmates dying before they meet them, but he's never heard of someone killing their potential soulmate like that. He is suddenly, intensely glad to not have a name on his hand, to not have Rin's name on his hand like Obito thought he did. It is probably the only thing that he could do that is worse than what he's already done.

The friend manages to get the drunk up to her feet, the sudden burst of her grief wiping her out, making her docile. They hear her apology to the barman as she supports her upright, ready to walk her home. 

"Hatake-san! Hey, Hatake-san!" The drunk calls to him as she spots him, stopping dead so her friend has no choice but to stop too or drop her. Despite his urge to hide he turns to face her. "Hey, how do you live with it? Rin, she was on your hand, how do you live with killing her?" The question knocks the wind out of him as her friend drags her away with a surge of apologises, straight out of the stand. It's not a threat or mockery, it's desperation. She wants to know how she can live with this death on her conscience, and even if she was still there to hear it, he doesn't have an answer. He didn't realise before that people think he has Rin's name on his hand, that Obito wasn't the only person to think it, but he can see why they would. A fitting explanation for why he hides his hand, another tragedy on top of the others he's experienced. Guy sighs as the tension in the air fades, as a couple unaware of what's just happened come in and take the table. 

"It's unfortunate, very unfortunate." Kakashi nods in agreement, the woman is in a much worse place than him. He knows that he wouldn't have kept living if it had been Rin's name on his hand. "Why didn't you say it's not Rin on your hand?" 

"It doesn't matter, it won't help her situation either way." Guy knowing it's not Rin is to be expected, he remembers Obito as a person and not just a name on a memorial and his eye in Kakashi's socket, but he wonders. Does Guy know he has no name at all? It's hard to tell if Guy is being respectful of something he's sensitive about or just has no idea at all. 

They get another beer, mutually deciding to move on, ignore the elephant of someone else's grief still in the room with them. Guy tells him a funny story from his last mission that makes him laugh, an achievement that makes Guy beams, before he asks Kakashi when their next bout will be. How about tomorrow? Kakashi isn't that keen but eventually agrees to it, despite any regrets he might have in the morning, before they finish their beers and decide to leave.   
Kakashi pauses after they say their goodbyes, after Guy waves and charges off home. He's not in the mood to go straight home. He looks up at the half moon in the sky, peeking out from behind the clouds, and lets out a breath. He wants to see Tenzo. It's more than the beer, he's got a slight fuzziness but he's not drunk. The urge to see Tenzo is something more, with much deeper roots. How long has it been now since he saw him? Two weeks, hardly anything compared to the months they've been apart before, but it was before, before the Third discharged him from ANBU. He's been by Tenzo's apartment since but the lights have been off, no trace of his presence, and Tenzo hasn't come by his place either. Realistically it's Tenzo having to pick up for his departure, finally a full captain like Kakashi always knew he would be some day, but surely he must have some time to himself, some time to visit him? Even Tenzo can't be working so hard that he can't see him at all. 

It's selfish, of course it is, but he starts walking towards Tenzo's apartment anyway. The moon dips back behind the clouds, the shadows lengthen around him as the gaps between street lights grow, and the lights are on in Tenzo's apartment when he reaches the building. He goes up, tries the buzzer and doesn't get an answer. He tries the door, not expecting it to open, but it does and he steps inside cautiously. Tenzo doesn't usually leave his door unlocked but the smell of blood that hits him as soon as he steps in suggests why he might have tonight. He might have been distracted. Blood by itself isn't strange but this is much a stronger smell than usual, like someone's bled out. 

As he locks the door behind him, he hears the noise of the shower and spots Tenzo's sandals inside a bag by the door, soaked in blood. Over in the sink is his uniform and his kit on the draining board, just as soaked in blood. It's a bad sign, even though the blood is all someone else's, because that means Tenzo had to stab someone in an artery. That means a mission that's probably gone wrong. Tenzo is not a messy assassin, prefers clean kills. He doesn't enjoy the mess like some ninjas do and having to resort to it puts him in a bad mood. 

Despite the signs that Tenzo will probably be grumpy, wanting to go straight to bed and not pleased to see him, he stays. He gets a snack from the cupboard, sits down by the table and waits. He knows Tenzo will have sensed him by now, he's not hiding his presence, and he feels like a snack after the beer too, something to do while he waits. He's just finished eating when the bathroom door flies open and Tenzo walks past him in just a towel. The way Tenzo ignores him is pointed, says he's noticed him and doesn't want to deal with it. Tenzo doesn't say a word, dumps his uniform into the washing machine, violently empties his kit on the kitchen side and shoves the bag into the machine too before setting it off. Kakashi notices the wound on Tenzo's back, a clean cut just on his shoulder blade, probably from a sword, deep enough to cause pain even if it's not bleeding now and he gets up, moves to check it on auto-pilot. Tenzo flinches from just a light touch near it. 

"You need medical attention for that." Tenzo shrugs him off, both with his shoulders and his words.

"I'm fine. That's just because you jammed your finger into it. The guy who did it came out a lot worse, his nearest vulnerable point was an artery. Asshole." 

"That explains all the blood." Tenzo doesn't reply as he walks off into his bedroom, and he hears the banging of drawers and cupboards, a clear sign that Tenzo is really irritated. Kakashi sits back down and starts to assess if he should worry about this bad mood. It's hard to tell if it's just from the mission and the injury that's more painful than he'll admit, or if there's more to it. Is Tenzo pissed off with him too? Will teasing him snap him out of it or make him blow up? After so many years, first as friends and then as lovers, he usually gets it right but tonight it feels like there's an edge to it that's not been there before. When Tenzo reappears he's dressed and his expression is intentionally blank. It makes Kakashi sit up from his reclined position, tilt his head to try to assess it as Tenzo sits down by the next corner of the table. He reaches to brush some of the hair off Tenzo's forehead. The touch is enough to make Tenzo change, his expression loses its controlled blankness and then Tenzo just looks tired, letting out a sigh as he supports his cheek with his hand, elbow balancing on his knee. 

"Why are you here?" Tired, a little short but not angry. Enough to make Kakashi go for a direct approach instead of teasing him.

"I wanted to see you, so I came." Tenzo looks at him and then sighs again, even if the slight red in his cheeks belies his annoyance.

"If you're drunk and want entertainment, you might as well go home because I'm going to bed. Beside, all that blood has probably spoiled your mood." Kakashi pauses, wonders what that means before it strikes him. Oh, Tenzo thinks   
he quit ANBU on his own initiative and has been trying to work out why he did. Why do most people quit? Because they can't handle how gruesome it is. After that clean-up, he won't be surprised if more people quit after he was discharged. It'd be a strange turn to take after years of service, of killing, but it might be the only solution Tenzo could come up with.

"I didn't quit. The Third personally discharged me. He said I'd been doing it too long and wanted me to do something else." Tenzo starts and then looks down, trying to act as if it doesn't really matter why Kakashi left, but it doesn't fool Kakashi for a second. He was wrong, Tenzo didn't really think he suddenly got squeamish, that's just a cover. Tenzo thought it was his fault somehow, probably thought it was best to leave him alone and has been avoiding him. Irritating, but considering Tenzo doesn't know life outside ANBU, doesn't know him outside of it, understandable. 

"Did you think I was going to ditch you because I left?"

"No." Tenzo can lie, he's seen him do it, construct a whole life out of thin air and make it solid, but right now he completely sucks at it. He runs his fingers through his hair, watches every tell of Tenzo that says he's right, Tenzo thought he was going to ditch him, before leaning across the table to kiss him. He misjudges the distance, puts too much force into it and pushes Tenzo onto his back on the tatami. Tenzo winces again but doesn't push him off, looks dazed by Kakashi suddenly on top of him. 

"You suck at lying and you need a medic." Tenzo opens his mouth to object but Kakashi denies him the chance, kissing him instead of letting him lie some more. There's a moment where Tenzo might push him off but it passes, his hand going into Kakashi's hair instead and running his fingers through it, pushing it back off his face. It springs straight back but it's a good attempt to try to calm it down and when Kakashi pulls back he drops a few kisses along his jaw in response. "It'll be different, not being in ANBU, but you and ANBU were never mutually inclusive." 

"Really?" He sounds embarrassed to ask for such obvious reassurance but Kakashi feels kind enough to give it, even if Tenzo has been an idiot up to this point.

"Really. I still want this, want you." The statement makes him blush - it's still difficult to say things like that out loud, even after all this time - and Tenzo blushing too only adds to his embarrassment, makes him change the subject. "The Third wants me to teach a genin team, can you believe it?"

"Yes, you're capable of it. You're very talented and a good leader, senpai." Tenzo doesn't even hesitate. It's quieter but it's the same certainty Guy had about him teaching. He wonders why they're so certain he can do it, Tenzo's even experienced his half-baked mentoring. Surely he can't argue that he should inflict it on a group of defenseless genins. 

"I don't think so. Also I'm really not your senpai now, you don't need to call me that." He gets a look in return that says Kakashi is his senpai, regardless of his actual status. He knows it's a losing battle to get Tenzo not to use it at all, despite some success in private. Tenzo lets out a giant yawn. 

"I need to sleep, you can stay over if you want." Tenzo starts to lever himself up from under Kakashi, he slides back off Tenzo and catches the way he winces again as he sits up. 

"You really need medical attention." Neither of them like having medics poking them, but Tenzo isn't the macho type to refuse it when he actually needs it, like he clearly does now. Tenzo rolls his shoulders and neck gently before he responds. 

"I want to show you something." Tenzo starts to roll up his shirt, and Kakashi wonders if Tenzo taking off all his clothes is the something to show him. He's seen it before but he wouldn't object to seeing it again. Tenzo uncovers the wound and then disappointingly stops there. There's a twist of his back as he moves his hand to touch the edge of the wound, flinching again before pausing there. 

"What are you-"

"Just wait a moment." There's irritation in his voice, before he takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes. A jutsu? He knows Tenzo can do some basic healing jutsus, why is he showing him this? He can feel the chakra gathering in Tenzo's fingers and palms, but it's not like normal, no signs to channel it, and then a soft glow starts to spread from his palms to his fingertips. The wound starts to heal under his fingers and Kakashi is so surprised he falls back on his ass from it. 

"Wait, you can do that? Since when?" The wound closes up, only a faint redness to the skin showing that anything was there, and Tenzo drops his hand as it stops glowing. He opens his eyes and Kakashi can see the pleasure he's taking in Kakashi's shock at it. As much as the mokuton, the First's ability to heal with the touch of his hands alone is legendary. Until now Tenzo has never given any sign that he has it too. 

"Only recently, I was looking through the First's scrolls and found his guide to it again. Well, "guide", it's impossible to understand it if you're not used to his, uh, unique explanations. It's a lot of fine chakra control, plus it's-" Without warning Tenzo tips over, landing on the floor on his side without even moving his arms to try to stop it. It draws a noise of dismay from Kakashi, recognising immediately what it means, chakra exhaustion, before he props Tenzo back up and sits next to him to support him. "It's really draining." 

"That wasn't even a long one."

"I'm tired too, but he had endless chakra. It's impossible for someone like me to imitate, it's a shadow of the original. I don't even know if it'll work on someone else." Despite that there's a quiet pride in Tenzo's voice, that he's managed to figure it out even if his ability is nowhere near Hashirama's, and it's endearing. 

"It's really impressive." Tenzo smiles in response, trying not to look pleased at his praise and failing at that too. "Should I give you a lecture about chakra exhaustion too?" That earns him a roll of Tenzo's eyes and Kakashi can't help his grin, considering how Tenzo gives him one every time he does it. 

"It's not the same, I'm not going to die from this." 

"That's what I always say! You never believe me though." Kakashi holds Tenzo up with one hand as he gets on his feet, before lifting him up into his arms and carrying him off to bed. For all his exhaustion, Tenzo has enough energy to roll his shirt back down, a little disappointing after such a fine display of his abs, before Kakashi puts him down on the already laid out futon, pulls the sheets over him. 

"Are you staying?" It's hard to imagine Tenzo was so snappy when he arrived when he sounds so soft now, almost half-asleep even as he asks. As if he could walk out when Tenzo is finally being cute again.

"I'm staying. Go to sleep, I need to get ready and then I'll join you." He gets out the guest futon, which could really do with a new pillow, and lays it out next to Tenzo's. Tenzo watches him despite the way his eyes keep trying to drift shut. It's like he can't bear to not see him, even if he's just doing something as boring as making up his bed, something he's done hundreds of times in front of Tenzo. Once he finishes he drops down to a crouch to kiss Tenzo, who tries to pull him in closer despite his exhaustion.

"Not now, in the morning. Go to sleep." He gets up from his crouch, ignores the way Tenzo complains about it and turns the light off. He pauses for a moment, watching Tenzo settle down in the futon and with his pillow, despite his disappointment, before going to wash and clean his teeth. As he takes off his forehead protector in the bathroom he pauses, looking at himself in the mirror. The drunk woman and her grief reappear, not daring to emerge in Tenzo's presence, and he wonders what she's doing now. Probably crying herself to sleep, if she's not asleep already. He looks down at his hand, a sudden fear that Rin will now be on it, willed into existence by enough people. Nobody knows how they're chosen, why they appear, perhaps it can be done as simply as that. It's blank, blank as always, and he lets out a sigh of relief before reaching for his toothbrush, one of his few permanent intrusions into Tenzo's apartment. Her death will always be on his conscience, the guilt for it deserved, just like Yuko's death will be on that woman's, but there the similarities end and the blankness is reassuring.

He looks up as he cleans his teeth, wanting to think about something else, and he sees the spider plant that's thriving as ever on top of the cabinet. The budding baby plants are growing off its parent. Already? It seems so soon but it's already here, that time of year where Tenzo puts one of the budding plants in Kakashi's bathroom and then complains about him neglecting it until he takes it home in a rescue mission a couple of months later. A triumph of optimism over sense every time, one that might one day bear fruit. Or tiny plants.

When he finishes, he gets into his futon, next to Tenzo who's already fast asleep. Tenzo turns to face him in his sleep, senses him there and moves in closer to him as he lifts up the blankets to let him in. He can feel that extraordinary warmth coming off him even with the few centimetres between them, and he's grateful, so grateful, that Tenzo has never asked about soulmates, about names on hands. Tenzo doesn't care, never has, and it makes him pull Tenzo in closer, letting him rest his head on his collarbone. Even the snore he gets in response isn't off-putting, as Tenzo chases away the ghost of the stranger and her mistake with his presence alone. He falls asleep, curled up with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That healing ability is canon, as far as I'm aware, but it's apparently stated in the Fourth Databook which I don't own. While the Third Databook (which I do own!) has the very important information about Yamato that "He tends to fall for Kakashi’s pranks. It goes beyond aspiration and borders on adoration", it doesn't have that. So I can't verify it.
> 
> ...It also allowed me to pick this title after months of wondering if it was too self-indulgent to name it after the song Thaumaturgy by The Orchids. As if this whole fic isn't completely self-indulgent. So thanks, Kishimoto!


	21. Part Three: Chapter Two

The main conclusion Tenzo draws after several days of guard duty is that the main threat to Naruto is not from another village, but from his diet. Surely he can't live off instant ramen alone? He's tempted to suggest to the Third in his mission report that someone organises a cooking class for him, mostly because there's not going to be much else to report on. 

One of their spies got wind of a plot by another village, one without its own tailed beast, to kidnap the nine tails' host and then release it on Konoha. It's unclear how far it was in development, how close it was to happening, but while it's being investigated, guard duty for Naruto has gone from actively monitoring him to a physical guard nearby at all times. Since he's one of the few people who might be able to stop the nine tails if it's released - although he's not sure how effective he would be, he's practised as much as he possibly can - he's a regular in the guard rotation. As guard duty goes, this is one of the less boring missions he's done because Naruto is always busy. Guard duty is always most dangerous when nothing happens and it can lull one into a false sense of security. Naruto's constant pranks, trouble making and getting into fights with the other kids at the Academy means there's no risk of that, although it's exasperating to watch. Of course Naruto is lonely, he keeps alienating all his peers with his behaviour. 

As Naruto heads home he follows from up in the trees, keeping an eye on their surroundings, in case someone manages to break into the village. There's no threat tonight, though, and Naruto arrives safely home and makes himself ramen, again. It's enough to make him crave vegetables, he can't imagine what it's doing to the kid. The way Naruto's mood changes as soon as he thinks he's by himself, the sudden loss of bravado, makes him feel guilty for watching it, even if it's literally his job. Naruto is lonely, isolated in a way he's never been despite their similar starts and neither of them having a family. He's always had a place to be and a job to do, even Root gave him that. Naruto doesn't even have that much, the village fears him and he doesn't even know why. Tenzo would be lying if he said he wasn't a little afraid of it, too.

A sudden thump of something landing next to him snaps him out of his thoughts and he starts, before seeing that it's a bun. When he glances down Kakashi waves at him from the bottom of the tree, in a way that breaks his cover up in the leaves and makes him glare. It's less effective hidden behind the mask, although from the amusement on Kakashi's face he's still noticed it and finds it funny. 

"I'm coming up."

"I'm working." It doesn't stop Kakashi from hopping up the branches anyway, and he doesn't argue it any further, not wanting to break his cover. He's being lax, letting Kakashi come and distract him while he's on a mission, but it's hardly the first time it's happened. It's also hard to refuse Kakashi when he wants to see him too. When he reaches the branch Tenzo's on, Kakashi picks up the bun and hands it to him before looking into the window too.

"It's a snack to keep you going. Is this what you're doing? Have they heard anything more?"

"You know I can't discuss that." Kakashi is still in the ANBU gossip circle, his legendary status commanding respect even if it's been months since he was discharged, so it's not a surprise to hear that he's heard about the threats on Naruto. 

"Right. Is that seriously what he's eating every day?"

"Yes. I've got to raise it, it's ridiculous." 

"Hmm. He's isolated too. He needs an adult to take notice of him, or something, but I don't know what to do about it." They're both quiet as they watch Naruto, before Kakashi continues. "I resented him for a while, after the Fourth and Kushina died, for getting them killed. I got over it, realised they wouldn't have wanted that, but I don't know what I could do or say to him. I'm a lousy mentor anyway."

"I don't think so."

"You were already well-formed, Tenzo, even I couldn't mess that up. You just need someone to remind you that teamwork mattered, friends mattered. You were always my best kouhai." The compliment hits him hard, even after all this time, and it's enough to stop him interrupting Kakashi immediately. "The others didn't get it, I couldn't teach it to them, or they went down the wrong path." He knows who Kakashi means, Itachi hovers silently between them for a moment, a reminder of just how completely they can misjudge someone. Even now he struggles to believe that Itachi had so much hatred in his heart, enough to murder his entire clan apart from his little brother, despite clearing up the proof of it. 

"Nobody could have known that he'd do that." 

Footsteps on the street below make them both stop before they shift back into the deeper shadows of the leaves, spotting Iruka walking under the tree. Iruka glances up at the tree, he's not looking at the right place to see them but he's sensed their presence and he frowns, concerned by it before heading into the apartment block where Naruto lives. 

"Well, maybe that's it. Iruka-sensei's good with kids, so we should leave it to him!" Kakashi perks up at the thought of leaving it to Iruka. Tenzo frowns, both at the statement and at Kakashi nearly blowing his cover by drawing Iruka's attention. 

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely." It doesn't reassure Tenzo that it's a good idea, but he doesn't know enough about mentoring a small child who isn't going to become a chunin at a tender age during a war to argue about it. It is much more Iruka's area than theirs. "Anyway, I'll come by your place tonight, so make sure you do something nice for dinner." 

"Really? I was planning to fry a bunch of different food." Kakashi pulls a face that makes Tenzo hold back a laugh, because he's still technically working and it'll damage his cover even more. The fact Kakashi is even planning that far in advance to tell him is enough to make him change his plans. Kakashi usually just shows up whenever he wants, for him to bother to make a plan in advance to visit is unusual. "I'll do something you'll like. Go on, see you later." 

"Bye." Kakashi gives him a casual wave before hopping back down the tree again and walking off. Despite his best efforts to be professional, he ends up eating the bun Kakashi got him as he keeps watch over Naruto and starts to plan dinner. He's considering the merit of different methods of cooking eggplants, nearly at the end of his shift, when Iruka leaves the apartment and pauses under the tree again, thinking something over before he calls up.

"ANBU-san, is Naruto at risk? Ah, that's foolish, you can't tell me that, sorry, forget it." Tenzo doesn't reply or show himself, but Iruka knows he's there even if he's not sure that he's listening. "Can you look after him? He's not a bad kid, despite the pranks, the fights and everything else. I'm trying to teach him better, but it's hard for him too. Please take care of him." Tenzo doesn't reply to that either, but Iruka gives him a short bow before departing and Tenzo mulls over what he said. When the next ANBU arrives to take over guarding Naruto, he pauses at the end of his debrief, thinking it over before adding it.

"Also, make sure someone's keeping an eye on Iruka-sensei. If someone is targeting Naruto, Iruka-sensei would be a good way to get to him. Make sure he's safe."


	22. Part Three: Chapter Three

He's turned in his latest mission report, a B-Rank mission he was able to turn around in a few hours, when a hand grabs his sleeve as he's about to leave the room. He stops, hoping it's not a shy girl who's finally worked up the nerve to confess to him because he dreads those, hates upsetting them with a rejection. When he looks around and sees it's Genma and Kurenai, with the others behind them and chatting among themselves, he changes his mind. He could get away from a shy girl.

"Yo, Kakashi. Come drinking with us, everyone's here so we're celebrating." 

"Sorry, life calls me elsewhere." Kurenai sighs, folds her arms across in a way that suggests that she's not taking no for an answer for anyone skipping out on tonight's drinks. 

"Could you at least come up with a better lie? At least washing your dogs would be somewhat plausible. Anyway, don't think your lying will get you out of this time, Kakashi."

"I'm washing my hair."

"No. You're coming with us." Kakashi starts to edge towards the door, hoping that he can sneak out despite the way both Genma and Kurenai are staring at him. Maybe if he's blatant enough they'll give up on him? It's worked before. 

"Ah, is that the time? I'm watching this drama series, I can't miss this episode."

"Kakashi..." Despite Kurenai narrowing her eyes, he's nearly at the door when a blur of green bounces into his vision and he narrowly swerves to avoid being knocked over. 

"Kakashi! You're here, let's go!" Guy's enthusiasm is relentless as always, and before he can come up with any further half-assed excuses, Guy is dragging him along out of the office and towards the street with the others behind them. He could get away if he really wanted to, but it'd be even more of a hassle than rolling with it, now that Guy is determined to bring him along. Didn't he say he'd try to do more? If it gets too boring, he can probably slip out after a while without anyone noticing anyway. 

The mood in the group is light, good-natured, and the argument over which bar they should start in is settled with a game of rock-paper-scissors. Kakashi doesn't say much, mostly observes as they enter a quiet, cosy sort of bar and the group takes over one of the tables. He's done this enough times to know how the rhythm of these gatherings work. The conversations around the table starts to separate into smaller groups and Kakashi follows it. Guy jumps between them with ease and an occasional demand to know who so-and-so is, even though Kakashi knows that Guy's met them before. 

The group's ordering their second round of drinks and Kakashi is still drinking his first beer, slower than the others due to his mask and his reluctance to be the first one to get drunk. It's a vulnerable position to be in, if he does get drunk he prefers to when everyone else is already loaded, too far gone to take advantage of it. In this group, it'd probably be taking advantage of his wallet than anything more sinister, but he can't afford that either. 

"Still on your first one?" Genma looks a bit annoyed by it, probably because he can't get him to pay for the round if he's not ordering another drink. 

"I'm savouring it." 

"Maybe that's why you didn't want to come, one drink is too much for you?" Kurenai adds with a grin and he narrows his eyes at her.

"Ha ha." 

"That savouring thing sounds just like what a light-weight would say, light-weight. I bet if someone challenged you to a drinking contest, you'd probably come up with some excuse like you're on medication or something." 

"I don't need to prove myself." She's needling at his pride, and damn it, it's far more effective than he would have guessed. Is this some form of genjutsu she only uses at social events? 

"A contest? Hey, I'm his true rival, I'm the only one who can challenge him! What's the contest?" 

"Oh, I was saying if someone challenged him to a drinking contest, he'd have to come up with an excuse or he'd lose it." Kurenai sounds a little smug, like she knows she's just entrapped Kakashi into a contest. It's nearly impossible to stop Guy once he's heated up, especially if he's had a drink.

"An excuse? Never! We fight like men! Kakashi, stand up! We're going to drink!" Kakashi raises his hands up, trying to calm down Guy down, to delay the inevitable challenge he's about to be pulled into.

"Jeez, Kakashi, when did you get so out of practice? It's embarrassing." Genma sticks the knife in and turns, hitting just the right nerve as the others laugh. He realises he's been played as Guy drags him up to the bar to get another drink, but when Guy buys him a beer and gets Genma to count how quickly they can drink it, he doesn't back down. He pulls down his mask and as soon as Genma says go, he chugs the entire glass in a few seconds and slams it back down, wiping his mouth on the back of his wrist before giving both of them a serious stare. 

"Another?" They look at him for a moment before Guy excitedly orders another round of drinks and he sees Genma having sudden second thoughts about this. Too late for that now. Once he's in, he aims to win. 

And he does. By the time they leave to go to the next bar, he's drunk, really drunk, but Guy had to go throw up which technically makes him the winner despite both of them drinking the same amount. He remembers to pull his mask back up as they leave, but his steps are uncertain as he ducks under the curtain. The sudden darkness of the street after the bright lights of the bar is refreshing, although not as refreshing as he'd like, and he wonders if Guy had the right idea as he watches Guy speed off ahead of him, refreshed by his purge. Everything feels softer, blurrer, slower as he walks along, a couple of steps behind everyone else as he tries to keep his balance. He can't follow the conversation, until he's suddenly pulled in with a call of his name.

"Oi, Kakashi. None of us can remember, can you settle it for us? What's the name on your hand again?" The question seems strange, even if he's too drunk to follow the thread of conversation that led to it, and he tilts his head in an attempt to understand why they're asking him. It doesn't make him panic, like it might do if he was sober and had no excuse for delaying. Instead he gives them a smile before raising his gloved hand and rubbing his neck with it.

"It's a secret." 

"Damn it. Worth a try." The conversation spins away from him as he starts walking again, he looks at the ground and then at the buildings around him. Konoha at night is pretty nice, being out here is nice, he could walk forever, or maybe a little longer at least, he doesn't want to sit down again yet. The evening air is fresh on his face and even people trying to wrangle his secrets out of him is fun. As if he wouldn't know what they were doing. A bump as he walks into someone's back breaks him out of his thoughts and he tries to work out why they've stopped. Is it the next bar? He can vaguely hear someone, distantly, making apologises and he steps around the back that's stopped him to see what's going on.

"Sorry, I just had my dinner, I need to go home. Next time?" He blinks, as if to make sure he's seeing it properly, but it's real, it's Tenzo. He's got an apologetic look on his face, the one that means he's sort of sorry but more eager to get away, and he's so focused on Kurenai, who's trying to talk him into joining their party, that he hasn't spotted Kakashi yet. Tenzo looks different when he thinks he's not there, a level of distance present that doesn't exist between them, and he can bear it for a moment, a view of Tenzo as the rest of the world sees him, before it gets too much. He wants to be acknowledged.

"Tenzo!" Tenzo startles at his voice, turns to look at him and he can see it in his eyes, that softening, that warmth in response to him. He takes a few steps forward, his hand reaches for Tenzo's forearm and holds it as he smiles, pleased to be acknowledged, pleased to have Tenzo there. He can't go, he wants Tenzo to stay, pour his drinks for him, tell him he's a charming drunk and then take him home. "Are you coming with me?" Tenzo is wavering, actually wavering instead of being polite, and he tilts his head, moves his hand down his arm to the top of Tenzo's hand but not moving to actually hold it. Not yet, not until Tenzo agrees, even if he's blushing up a storm already. He can see how close Tenzo is to agreeing as the rest of the group go ahead, into the bar just ahead of them, and he goes for one last push.

"Your plants will be fine for one night." It works, Tenzo laughs and moves his hand to take Kakashi's hand, his expression looser and more relaxed now it's just the two of them. He knew he could do it, win Tenzo over to come with him instead of going home, but it doesn't change how good that victory feels. 

"I didn't use that as an excuse." 

"You were about five seconds from it though." Tenzo's grin in response is a little bashful, like he's been caught making trouble, and it makes Kakashi smile too. 

"Maybe. Since you've dragged me into this, we should probably follow everyone in. How much have you drunk, anyway?" Kakashi pauses, tries to count on one hand how many he's had before starting to count on Tenzo's free hand too because he doesn't want to let go of the warmth of Tenzo's hand yet, before giving up counting. 

"Hmm...a lot." Tenzo sighs but the squeeze of his hand says he doesn't mind that much. 

"Really? Anyway, it's fine. I'll look after you, senpai." It sounds so serious, like they're about to go on a dangerous mission like the old days, instead going into a bar filled with drunks, that it makes him giggle. He can't help it, Tenzo is being so serious! Tenzo looks a little confused, giggling isn't something he usually does, before it shifts to a slightly exasperated but affectionate smile. "It really was a lot, huh. Come on." Tenzo leads him to the bar, Kakashi lets the hot hand in his guide him along, their steps falling together before they dip into the light and they let go, for now.

This time the group's gone for a private room. This bar is less fancy and cheaper, the service less friendly but that means they can afford it. Tenzo steers him into the room and lets Kakashi lean on him while he gets his shoes off, his balance wobbly enough that Tenzo grabs his arm to stop him from falling. If someone tried to attack him, he could probably get it together but this is safe, he can relax and let Tenzo take care of things. Tenzo picks their seats, makes sure Kakashi actually sits on the right cushion and has his first glass poured for him by the time he sits down. He picks up his glass, the beer is perfect, no head on it at all and he takes a sip of it before relaxing on his cushion. 

"Tenzo, you'll make a good wife someday." 

"Shut up." Tenzo is blushing and sounds embarrassed, which makes Kakashi grin to himself as he pours Tenzo's drink before they drift into conversation with the rest of the table. Tenzo is more agile than he is, thanks to his sobriety, seems relaxed even though this is Kakashi's peer group and not his. Kakashi watches him talk, doesn't say much himself, more interested in observing this side of Tenzo. It's not strict like when he's working, or terrifying when he needs to be, but it's still slightly guarded, cautious in a way he's never been with Kakashi. After a while it feels hard to keep watching, his head feels too heavy and he lets it rest against Tenzo's shoulder. That finally interrupts him, his fingers going for Kakashi's hair and ruffling it. The gesture might look just friendly if he wasn't leaning onto Tenzo so heavily. 

"Yes, hi, are you okay?"

"My glass." Tenzo looks down and sees his glass is empty, goes "ah" before pouring another glass for him as Kurenai laughs. 

"Your senpai has you well trained, huh?" There's a flush from embarrassment on Tenzo's cheeks but Kurenai is just teasing and he laughs, takes another drink.

"It's important to have good manners."

"Good manners? Since when have you cared about that? Tenzo, you're casting your pearls before swine here." Tenzo laughs as he goes "oi" in response, he's not rude! Most of the time. On purpose, anyway. 

"You've never been on a mission with him. He might address you politely, but it's always followed up by what's wrong with whatever strategy you've picked. Back-seat driver." 

"Raikiri isn't the only thing you can do, senpai, you know that."

"You see!" 

"He's still showing that off?" 

"It's my original technique, nobody else can do it." 

"I think he always picked it to impress the kouhais, they still talk about it. A real show off." Kakashi sags a little under the onslaught. Both Kurenai and Tenzo are having too much fun at his expense, he lets out a sigh as he rests his chin on Tenzo's shoulder with a pout. 

"Tenzo..." Tenzo glances at him, finishes his drink before patting Kakashi's head sympathetically. 

"Yes, yes, it's an impressive technique. Hard to counter too. Just make sure you use it sensibly." It's enough to sate his ego, for now, and he lifts his chin off Tenzo's shoulder to take another drink. Now that Guy isn't challenging him, he's drinking more slowly, not getting more drunk. He still leans against Tenzo, wanting to be close to him in a way he wouldn't usually do in public. Tenzo accepts it, turns to make it more comfortable for him too and finds excuses to touch him occasionally. At first it's just to look after him but turning a little more searching as Tenzo has more drinks too. Is this going to be a longer night than they planned? He's in no hurry to go anywhere, not when he's comfortable like this. 

"So, karaoke next?" There's a general round of agreement, the night has gone on long enough that embarrassment is banished, even the tone-deaf don't object. Apart from Tenzo. He can feel the way he freezes at the mention of the word, the only member of the party who isn't drunk at this point. Even Kakashi doesn't object, despite being unable to hit a single note, and he finds it funny that Tenzo is freaked out, right until he spots the growing sweat on Tenzo's forehead. Oh. Is Tenzo actually scared of doing karaoke? It's tempting to go along, see if he can get Tenzo drunk enough to go along with it, to sing his heart out to whatever his pick would be. Maybe some kind of rock ballad that was popular five years ago? Or a weird classic choice, perhaps? At this stage everyone is too drunk for mockery, if he's terrible it's unlikely the group would even notice, but then he sees the almost-panic in Tenzo's eyes as everyone starts to get up, and he can't do it. Another night he'll take Tenzo to karaoke, just for how funny it'll be, but maybe just the two of them. 

"Oi, Tenzo. I wanna go home." There's an immediate round of objections from the group, but the relief in Tenzo's eyes make it even easier than usual to ignore them as he struggles to get up. Tenzo pulls him up carefully before he slings an arm around Tenzo's shoulders. He doesn't really need to, but he does it anyway, and he leans on Tenzo as he makes apologises for them. It's impressive, how Tenzo manages to hide most of his relief at Kakashi being Kakashi and deciding he's bored and wants to go home, right until they finally make it outside. 

"Right. My place?" 

"Your place." He keeps his arm around Tenzo's shoulder until they're far enough away from the bar to let it drop. He decides to take Tenzo's arm instead, even if he's sure everyone will know they're a couple now after tonight. Well, that's okay. He doesn't mind and considering Tenzo let him paw at him, he guesses Tenzo doesn't either. "Are you really scared of karaoke?" Tenzo pulls a face, trying to think of how to put it.

"Not scared, but I can't sing and I don't know the popular songs. It's both tedious and embarrassing." That sounds like knowledge gained from bitter experience, which isn't something Kakashi had imagined before. 

"When did you do karaoke, and why wasn't I invited?" The face Tenzo pulls is even more strained than last time, like this is a conversation he didn't want to have with Kakashi, ever.

"The senpais insisted once, you were away that night. I'm surprised you never heard about it. Usually you show up as soon as anything embarrassing happens to me." 

"If you will glue your hair to walls-" 

"Not that story again, that happened once. Every time there was a new recruit you'd tell them and then they'd ask me if I really lost mokuton until it regrew." Kakashi lets out a snort of laughter, he'd forgotten about that. It's a shame he can't do it again now that he's been discharged.

"I hope someone else is telling your kouhais now, that's an important part of the lore. He who splits lighting and he who lost his hair to a glue trap." Even in the darkness, he can see Tenzo going bright red and he can't help laughing at it. Someone shouts from a nearby window to shut up, it's late and they're trying to sleep. Tenzo covers Kakashi's mouth with his hand as he apologises, before dragging him along further down the road. 

"Anyway, I'm not doing it again."

"Shame, I miss your long hair." 

"The karaoke!" Tenzo lets out a noise of irritation as he pinches the bridge of his nose, which just strikes Kakashi as funny in his current, ridiculous mood. Winding Tenzo up is still so easy, so rewarding, especially when he can smooth ruffled feathers easily afterwards.

"Do you think about growing it long again?" 

"No. It's a hazard, I'm surprised I had it for so long now. Sorry, Kakashi, I know you always liked it." The sincerity of Tenzo's answer, the self-effacing nature of it, is again, more consideration than the question deserves. He did like Tenzo's long hair, it's never been something he'd dare to do. He knows he'd look too much like his father for his own comfort, but he knows Tenzo's outgrown it now.

"I like it short, too. Don't worry about it so much." Tenzo blushes, and despite the years, the short hair, he looks just like he did on that snowy day. The very first time he held Tenzo in his arms. He stops and Tenzo stops too. Tenzo looks at him curiously before he wraps his arms around him, this time facing him. Tenzo eases straight into it, pulls down his mask so he can kiss him and then rests his hands on Kakashi's collarbone. When he pulls back, Tenzo's eyes sparkle a little like back then too, though it's calmer, more confident. 

"What brought that on?" His voice is teasing. Tenzo doesn't pull away from him, despite being on the street where anyone can see them. The drink's made them fearless, or maybe it's just been so long that they don't care about someone seeing them like this.

"I remembered that time when you let me hold you in the snow. You're just as cute now as you were then." Tenzo flushes bright red but he leans in to kiss Kakashi again, a quick, hard kiss before stepping back.

"Come on, Romeo, let's go home." Tenzo takes him by the hand and he lets himself be led, as time stretches and bends from the alcohol. It's five minutes, he blinks and they're there, but also hours, days, it feels like entire universes could be born and destroyed in the time it takes to walk home. It's a strange distortion, a loss of control he's still not entire comfortable with, even if he's long since realised he can't control everything by knowing everything. With Tenzo here it feels less strange, less endless. Tenzo moves from holding his hand to carrying him on his back when his feet feel too heavy to move, his legs refusing to go any further, without any questions, as if he understands the weight of time on Kakashi. 

"Tenzo, what did you sing that time?" The question slips out without thought and Tenzo makes a soft "hmm" in response. He's too focused on adjusting his grip on Kakashi's legs to get embarrassed by the question.

"Can you hold onto my shoulders, I might drop you otherwise." Kakashi follows the command, almost, wraps his arms around Tenzo's chest and clings instead. That makes Tenzo sigh but it's close enough that he doesn't argue. "It was some old song, I didn't even know I remembered it until I saw it on the list. I could hear someone singing it as soon as I saw the title, but I don't know who." 

"Sing it for me."

"Seriously?"

"Please." Tenzo starts to walk again and Kakashi thinks that's it, that Tenzo is going to ignore his request when he hears the soft sound of Tenzo's voice. Tenzo's right, he can't sing at all, but he recognises the song right away and joins in, quieter and even worse. It doesn't stop Tenzo like he feared it would, keeps him singing until they reach his apartment block and he falls silent as they start to climb the stairs awkwardly. An odd choice of song, one that his parents used to sing. Tenzo must have learnt it from another veteran of the Second War. 

"I didn't think you'd know it." Tenzo finally comments as they reach his door and he struggles to get out his keys. 

"Maa, of course I do. It was the most popular song during the Second War, all that tragedy and waiting for lovers to come home, it was everywhere. Any veteran could sing it. It was my mother's secret favourite. Dad used to sing it to himself when he did the washing-up. Hah, you picked an old man song." Tenzo lets out a "tsk" before unlocking the door and carrying Kakashi in, taking off Kakashi's shoes for him before depositing him on the tatami. He watches Tenzo, who looks a little irritated by his teasing, from the floor before he vanishes to set out the futons. He looks up at the ceiling, his gaze starting to drift, the panels above becoming blurry, until he suddenly jerks and finds himself in the guest futon. Is this a new pillow? It feels a lot less flat and yet lumpy than it used to. 

"Did you get a new pillow?"

"You kept complaining about it." He hears from across the room as the light goes out. Tenzo reappears in his view and he rolls over to look at him as he peels back his sheets. "Anything else, you drunkard?" The tone's teasing, any harshness countered by the way Tenzo rolls to face him as soon as he's in his futon, waiting for him to come closer. He shifts over, buries his face in Tenzo's chest as he pull the covers together over them, and inhales deeply. Tenzo's chest is more comfortable than the pillow, even the new one. The fingers in his hair, playing with the strands lazily as Tenzo wraps his other arm around his back, is a bonus. As he starts to drift again he thinks of the attempt earlier to find out what name was on his hand and mentally laughs to himself. As if he'd be fooled by that. He's got a better deal anyway, no name dragging him down, nobody dead or missing. A blank space instead, the power to make his own choice without destiny nagging him for once. 

"I'm better off, I can pick who I want, you know. It means I could choose you...that makes me really happy." He doesn't even realise he's mumbling it into Tenzo's chest until he hears, distantly, Tenzo ask him what on earth he's mumbling about. It's too late, he's already fallen asleep. Tenzo's question remains unanswered.


	23. Part Three: Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter in this story, and easily could have been its own stand-alone mission fic at 9000+ words. Anyway this chapter covers the tags 'a really stupid fight', 'chakra exhaustion' and 'anal sex'. Enjoy.

Tenzo thinks of what to cook as he steps out of the bathroom, only to find Kakashi, plastic watering can in hand, watering the peace lily. Kakashi, who fails to remember to water his plants whenever he's asked him to while he's away on a long mission, every single time. Who decides to water his plants at random moments instead, always without fail after Tenzo watered them earlier in the day, and then drowns them because he never checks the soil first. He's nearly killed the peace lily before, it's finally recovered, and now Kakashi is doing it again. 

"What are you doing? You're going to kill it, stop!" Kakashi looks up from the peace lily, still pouring water onto it, one eye shut and the other mildly confused.

"Huh?"

"You never check before you water them! What do you have against my plants, why are you so determined to kill them?" 

"I'm just giving it a drink." Kakashi sounds slightly sulky, like he's doing Tenzo a favour and he's being unfair to him by seeing it as anything else. It's annoying. It is incredibly annoying, considering how many times he's had to send a wood clone back to rescue them because Kakashi failed to water them. Whenever Kakashi asks him to look after the ninken, he does it, even when it's inconvenient. Why can't he ever get the same in return?

"How come you never do it when I actually ask? I come back to nearly dead plants and you go 'oh, well, I forgot, sorry!'" He mimics the way Kakashi always apologises, vague, sounding more like his teasing than any sincere apology, and Kakashi frowns.

"I don't sound like that." Oh, of course that's what Kakashi focuses on, not the part that he actually cares about.

"Yes you do. Wait, no, you're right, it's more like this." He pulls up the neck of his undershirt to cover half his face, shuts his eyes and rubs his neck awkwardly. "My bad, my bad! Well, you see, I was going to and then this old lady needed my help, and then a lot of this and that happened, and then I got lost on the way and never made it there!"

"I don't do that." Tenzo pulls his mask back down with a snap, meets Kakashi's eyes without wavering. Kakashi actually looks annoyed, which is unusual but doesn't put him off. 

"Yes you do, I've never seen you arrive anywhere on time. And you've always got some excuse for it."

"Things happen."

"Funny how watering my plants when they need it is never one of those things." He pulls the watering can out of Kakashi's hands, hard, to smack it down on the table, and then pulls the excess water back out of the soil with a jutsu, forming it into a floating sphere. At least this time it's not sunk into the roots already, drowning them. He snaps the bubble of water without thinking and it splats Kakashi in the face. It's unintentional, but it doesn't look like it, and the pissed look on Kakashi's face as he wipes the water off says he doesn't think it's an accident either. 

"If you're going to act like this, I'm going. Hope you can find a doctor to remove that stick from your ass." Kakashi is halfway through the door when he finally replies, because he's too angry to reply before then. How dare Kakashi act like he's the bad guy, when he does so much for him and gets zero appreciation for it!

"Don't forget where the door is on your way out like you forget everything else." Kakashi glares at him over his shoulder at that, not quite killing intent but seriously pissed off, before slamming the door shut. Tenzo seethes, the water on the floor starts to steam, until he lets out a sigh. Asshole. Acting so high and mighty, like he never does anything wrong. Like he helps vacuum the dog hair his apartment is always covered in after looking after his ninken. Or even acknowledge the favour.

Tenzo expects an apology. Tenzo does not get one. What he does get is a week of silence, which instead of making him falter like usual, makes him even more determined to get an apology first. He always gives in. Kakashi always manipulates him into making up without giving him an apology. This time he refuses. Why should it always be him?

When Kakashi does finally show up, at his windowsill because he refuses to open the door to him, he makes it even easier not to give in by being a complete ass. Tenzo is still expecting an apology, but instead gets an argument about the rice cooker.

"You can't be angry at me about the plants. You didn't wash out my rice cooker last time you used it." 

"What! No! It was your turn to do that, I did it last time. It's called sharing responsibility."

"No, definitely your turn to. And you didn't."

"It was not. Anyway that's not the same, even if I did, that was only once. You never water my plants when you promise to."

"You promised to wash it out."

"No, I promised to look after your dogs. I do that regularly, without complaining. But you won't look after my plants."

"Wait, you don't like my dogs? Tenzo, that's horrible. How can you not like them? What sort of things are you doing to them?"

Tenzo slams the window shut, Kakashi nearly falls off the sill from it, before storming off and ignoring the knocking on the glass to continue the argument. Stupid Kakashi. Of course he likes the ninkens, he's offended that Kakashi thinks otherwise. He would never do anything to hurt them! In fact he greatly prefers them to their master right now.

More days past without an apology. Every time Tenzo starts to waver, he remembers the arguments, feels that resentment at being taken advantage of and sticks it out. It sticks right until he's stopped by another team of ANBUs as he returns back to Konoha. 

"Hey, Tenzo-senpai! Can you stop a minute?" Tenzo lands in a tree, a flurry of ANBUs land around him. He's tired, wants to go back home, but he can't ignore a direct request from his kouhais either. 

"What?" 

"A genin team got attacked by missing-nins and called for help. We're going to rescue them, but we don't know how dangerous the missing-nins are or where exactly the team is." Tenzo frowns, it sounds bad but he doesn't see what it has to do with him. It's a routine sort of mission, they can fix it by themselves.

"Okay. What has that got to do with me? Shouldn't you go right now then?" The ANBUs look at each other, trying to decide who should speak next, before one pipes up.

"We are going, it's just ANBU got a direct message from a passing jounin who got involved. He said their strength is too much for them, but he'll keep the team safe until we arrive at any cost, even if he dies." As soon as he hears "passing jounin who got involved" Tenzo covers his mask with his hands, heaves out a huge sigh. He knows who it is without them needing to tell him. Oh, god damn it. 

"It's Kakashi-senpai." He doesn't need the nod of confirmation, but he gets it and it makes him feel both angry -- why does he always charge into situations like this? -- and incredibly guilty. Oh, he really hopes Kakashi didn't leave that tracking seed at home out of spite. Tenzo should go back, leave the team to deal with it and report in for his own mission. It was a one man assassination job that was a lot harder than expected and highly draining on his chakra. He should do that, but Tenzo already knows he's not going to. Just because he's spent the last two weeks fighting with him, that doesn't mean he's going to let Kakashi die. Kakashi is the kind of idiot who will do anything to save his comrades, and he's going to do just the same. Those genins are incredibly lucky it's Kakashi who found them, he will do anything to save them. He's got to do the same. 

Tenzo grasps his hands, channels the chakra through them and the distant ping is far away, out of Konoha and north-east, confirmation that he took it with him. Even if he was being a complete ass. He's the only one who can use his tracker, he's got to go. 

"He's north-east of here. Let's go!" The relief is palatable as he takes command, but he doesn't acknowledge it, too focused on the mission and pushing down his feelings. This is no time to get killed because he feels like an idiot for fighting with Kakashi over something that, compared to the life and death of their work, was ridiculously petty. Tenzo demands a full briefing as they race out of Konoha. If this rescue, which he's not supposed to be involved in and certainly isn't supposed to be leading, is going to be a success he needs to know everything he can. The information they give him is limited, nobody was able to identify the missing-nins from the reports they've received from other villages. All they know is there's four of them. It's a bad situation and he doesn't like it. They're going in knowing nothing about their enemies, but they've got no choice. If they hesitate the whole team might die. The whole team, and Kakashi.

They race across the borders, into neutral territory. Tenzo keeps in touch with the tracker, and it doesn't move. A bad sign, surrounded or injured. Or dead. Please, not dead, and he tries not to let the sinking feeling the thought causes in his stomach touch him too deeply. He nearly got killed before because his emotions got the better of him, he can't let it happen again. There's too much at stake. The adrenaline coursing through Tenzo stops him from really feeling his fatigue yet but he's aware of it, aware of the ache of his limbs, and the dip in his chakra. He'll need to be thoughtful about his chakra use or else he'll collapse and make a bad situation worse. He runs through strategies in his mind as they get closer to the location of the tracker, trying to focus on the mission instead of his anxiety at the looming silence of the forest, no noise of battle and no traces of chakra. 

"Is this it?" They reach a small break in the cover of the trees, not a true clearing, and Tenzo makes one more check. He glances in the direction of it, sees the discarded kit, blooded rags, shuriken scattered around and blood on the grass. All the signs of a battle but with none of the participants. An ANBU picks up and checks a discarded chunin vest as the rest examine the tracks, looking for clues. 

"It's Kakashi's, got his tracking scroll in it." Tenzo frowns, looks around just in case a ninken appears, Pakkun to the rescue, but the forest stays silent. Another bad sign, Kakashi didn't have the time or chakra to summon him. They must have tried to lose their attackers by fleeing. If they had made off in the direction of Konoha, they would have come across the team on their way here. Where did they go?

Suddenly, from across the valley, he feels the crackle of electricity and he stops, tries to pin it down more precisely. He knows that chakra, even from this distance, and Kakashi must be drawing on it hard to send such a clear sign across to them. 

"That way!" There's no time to explain, the team follow him without hesitation as they follow the tracks and then turn right, before turning left and then across the nearby valley. The tracks vanish halfway but he doesn't need to stop because the chakra is getting stronger and he can feel others now, of strangers.

"Captain, your orders?" The others can feel the growing battle too now, and the sounds of fighting are starting to emerge from the previously silent forest. 

"Approach from above. We need to assess the situation before we get involved." They climb up into the trees, jumping across silently until he holds out his right arm to stop them. They've arrived on the edge of a clearing, and in the clearing is Kakashi. Kakashi, the idiot, alive if wounded and low on chakra, a sight that makes his heart clench in a mixture of exasperation and complete relief. He's surrounded by a group of missing-nins, one is already dead on the ground with a hole in his chest. He's lost his headband, he's splattered with blood from Raikiri and hopefully only from that, looking as serious as he always does in a real fight. His eyes don't move from the enemies surrounding him but his right hand twitches, before it goes behind his back casually, and gives Tenzo a signal. He's noticed their arrival, but the next signal is even clearer, ‘wait'. 

It's enough to get Tenzo to move his eyes to take in the rest of the situation. He sees the genin team with their sensei, at a safe distance. Two of the genins are guarding the third, and their sensei. The sensei, despite her own broken leg and nearly exhausted chakra, is checking on a stomach bandage on the genin, but the wound is still bleeding. A bad situation but resolvable. The sensei's eyes flit for a second to where they're waiting, before going back to her students, an acknowledgement that she's seen them too but she'll let Kakashi guide them. 

The missing-nins don't look familiar. They're not in any of his bingo books, but they're strong enough to be causing this kind of trouble. The pause in the fight suggests they're more tired than they're projecting, Kakashi harder work than they thought he'd be. One of them takes another swing at Kakashi with a kunai. Kakashi catches them with his own, tries to force them down but he can see the way Kakashi's arm is shaking. Kakashi can't hold out much longer. How much longer can he hold off before he has to override Kakashi's signal and take them out? The other two take the opportunity, sweep in to finish off Kakashi and Kakashi gives the signal as they do, ‘now'. 

They're out of the trees in a second. Tenzo grabs the closest missing-nin to Kakashi, just about to drive a blade through him, with mokuton and crushes. It draws a yelp of pain before he finishes him off. He drops the body as the other ANBUs kill the remaining two, looks at Kakashi who looks like this was what he expected the whole time, projecting an aura of confidence even as he wobbles slightly from exhaustion. 

"Oh, Tenzo." Two words, so simple, but the relief in them is genuine, like they haven't been fighting for two weeks. The ANBUs deal with the bodies as one goes over to check on the team, who look nervous at the appearance of these masked strangers who just wiped out their enemies. Their sensei greets the ANBUs, explains they're allies, and they look over to Kakashi for confirmation. Kakashi curves his eyes into a smile, reassuring them even through his exhaustion. He's not quite at collapse yet, but he's close and Tenzo moves to hold him up, arm around Kakashi before he can second-guess himself. They might have been fighting but he's still not letting Kakashi fall on his ass, even if he still might deserve it. Idiot. 

"They're comrades. They're here to help." The genins are reassured by the confirmation of both, as well as the ANBU taking off his mask, and let him take a look at their injured. Tenzo watches the interaction, thinks of Kakashi insisting that he's not capable of leading a genin team even if he found one that didn't fail his test, and he's even more sure it's not true. Kakashi looks to Tenzo, meets his eyes through his mask and then looks back to the team, guiding Tenzo's eyes along. He understands the silent question, and shuffles them over to the team, so Kakashi can check on how they are. The ANBU is checking on the injured boy first, the rest of the team watch him like hawks as he does.

"It's a nasty wound, but you did a good job on lessening the bleeding. Which one of you did this?" The girl in the team raises her hand, looking a little nervous to draw attention to herself. "You've got good chakra control, you should think about medical training." The compliment makes the girl blush but she's pleased, too, as the ANBU moves on to look at their sensei. Her leg is broken, as she feared. "They need to go back to Konoha as quickly as possible. Captain, we'll escort them."

"What about Kakashi-san? He got injured protecting us." Tenzo looks at Kakashi, assesses his condition. He's wobbly, some superficial injuries and suffering from chakra exhaustion, but he's fine. Kakashi catches his glance, there's a brief flash of amusement on his face before he turns back to the genin team.

"Me? I'm fine, I just overdid it a little. But I'd slow you down, so Captain says he'll escort me back so you can go ahead." Tenzo glares at Kakashi making his decision for him, but he backs it up anyway. It's a small team, they'll need to carry the injured and while he's not as drained as Kakashi, he's running low on chakra too. He can't keep up with the pace they'll need to set to get to the hospital as quickly as they can, and Kakashi can still walk. They'll be slow but they can do it alone. 

"I'll get him back. You go ahead." Kakashi leans onto Tenzo more than he needs to as he says it. Tenzo staggers for a moment before getting his balance back, pushing Kakashi back up onto his own feet. Both the ANBU team and the genin team look a little skeptical, but they don't argue about it. The injured team members are lifted onto backs to carry home. An ANBU drops Kakashi's kit and vest by their feet and they depart, the two genins doing their best to keep up with the others. There's a moment of silence between them, the forest falls silent again now that they're alone. Then Kakashi sags on him with a tired noise and Tenzo holds him up with his arm.

"Hey, Tenzo, are you still mad at me?" He isn't. He still wishes Kakashi actually watered his plants when he said he would and didn't overwater them when he didn't ask. But after nearly losing him, because if it hadn't been the missing-nins it would have been chakra exhaustion, mad is overstating it. "I really thought I was going to die there for a moment, and I thought ‘it sucks that I'm going to die with Tenzo still mad at me'." The thought of Kakashi dying, thinking he was still mad at him, pushes his buttons and he knows that's why Kakashi said it, even if that doesn't stop it being true.

"No, I'm not mad at you. I just wish you were nicer to my plants." In a different set of circumstances, he'd regret giving in but Kakashi just nearly died. A little forgiveness is a good thing, and he'd deeply regret the argument if he had died. Kakashi sighs, as if this is somehow unfair, before he comes out with something he's not expecting.

"I'm sorry for both overwatering and underwatering your plants." An actual apology? He can't hide his surprise, which makes Kakashi laugh to himself. 

"Thank you." If he's got an apology from Kakashi, he probably owes him one too. He knows exactly why Kakashi tends to be late, and it's because he can't forget, not because he does. "I'm sorry for mocking you and your lateness, and hitting you with the water. That was an accident, though."

"Really." Kakashi sounds sceptical and it makes him flush in embarrassment.

"I know, it didn't look like it. I know you're late because you think at their graves too much. It's...well, I don't think you need to punish yourself for it." Kakashi blinks, then looks up at him with a small smile. 

"You've been fighting with me for two weeks and you still think that?" 

"Of course I-" Tenzo cuts himself off as Kakashi suddenly tips over, hitting the ground. It's so fast that Tenzo doesn't have a chance to catch him, he's on the ground before he even sees he's falling. He crouches down to check on Kakashi, turns him onto his back to make sure he's not injured himself seriously. Kakashi meets his eyes as he checks his head, although he didn't bang it going down, he looks almost apologetic as he gets out one word before passing out.

"Oops."

"What do you mean, ‘oops' - oh, come on!" Kakashi is still unconscious, he tries to wake him up but it doesn't work, Kakashi is down for the count. He should be more concerned, because Kakashi losing consciousness as well as his strength is very unusual, but he's more irritated that he managed to hold off until they were completely alone to pass out. Dragging Kakashi back to Konoha was already going to be a challenge when he's this close to exhaustion, if he's unconscious Tenzo can't do it. He gives Kakashi a light slap on the face, just in case, but that doesn't work and he sighs deeply, wondering what the hell he should do now. They can't stay in the woods, he hasn't got enough chakra to make a shelter or the supplies he needs for an overnight stay. A brief search through Kakashi's bag confirms that Kakashi used up his own supplies too, so no help there. Where can they go? He sits down next to Kakashi, shifts his head so it's in his lap, a makeshift pillow that'll be more comfortable than the ground, while he thinks through a plan. 

There's a village nearby, they skirted by it on their way here. He's not familiar with it but there was no warning that it was hostile. There might be someone who'll let them stay until he's strong enough to carry Kakashi back. He can't wait until Kakashi is strong enough to travel alone, that'll be days. The main threat is someone who lets them stay and then turns on them, or turns them in to another village who'd like their heads while they're both too weak to fight back. But if they run into enemies out here, they'll both probably die and that seems likely, considering what just happened to the genin team. The village is the best choice. 

He takes off his mask, sword, gloves and armour and digs into Kakashi's bag. There's a spare undershirt in there, he takes it out and gives it a testing sniff. It's been worn but it's clean enough for hiding his tattoo, and he changes into it before putting on Kakashi's vest. It should be enough to hide his ANBU status from a casual observer, essential if they're going to get help from strangers. He checks one last time to see if Kakashi will wake up, which he doesn't, before tying his headband back on him, sliding it down over the Sharingan. His hand pauses for a moment on Kakashi's cheek, his thumb rubs against the fabric of his mask before he drops his hand. Can't get distracted. He packs his uniform into Kakashi's bag before throwing it on over his shoulder, puts his sword back on before considering how he's going to carry Kakashi. 

If Kakashi was awake, he'd get away with a piggy back but when he's unconscious it won't work. A two person carry is a lot easier than a fireman carry, since he doesn't know how far he'll have to go. He's still got enough chakra for a wood clone and he makes one before flopping back on the ground with a groan, his body protesting at that one last jutsu. Shit, he really hopes they don't run into anyone on the way, or they're done for. The clone lifts Kakashi off his lap to a sitting position as he lies on the ground, trying to gather himself as his adrenaline tanks and his tiredness hits him. After a minute there's a polite cough from above him, before the clone speaks.

"We need to move." It's right and it makes him push himself back up from the ground, scrambling up to his feet as the clone lifts up Kakashi and he takes Kakashi's legs. He leads the way back across the valley, his clone carrying most of Kakashi's weight. Their progress is slow, the night is dark and by the time they reach the outskirts of the village, he's too tired to keep his wood clone up any longer. It helps him lift Kakashi onto his back, before he dismisses it and he gets the rush of memories and information as it vanishes with a puff. The clone was observing its surroundings, watching for threats, but it seems like it spent a lot of time looking at Kakashi's face too. That draws a tired chuckle from him. Well, it's not like he set it any particular information to gather after all. 

As he skirts the edge of a rice paddy, a farmer spots him and comes over to see what he's doing, suspicious of the struggling figure appearing from the dawn mist. When the farmer sees that he's carrying another ninja on his back, he directs him to the local healer.

"Her name is Kobayashi. Her door is red. Tell her Tanaka sent you." Tenzo thanks him, his bow smaller than he'd like so he doesn't drop Kakashi doing it. Tanaka nods before going back into his fields. Getting directions so quickly, without any explanations, makes him a little wary but Tanaka is already back at work, focused only on his crops. Maybe he's just a man who doesn't have time to mince words. He doesn't have time to waste either. 

With a great effort he gets his feet moving again, trudging to the cluster of houses that make up the village. The houses are trapped in a small square, low wooden buildings that are hemmed in by the fields surrounding them. They all look the same, and without the door colour he'd have no chance of knowing which house he needed.

He shifts Kakashi higher onto his back, stopping him from sliding off, as he stops in the front of the red door and knocks. A swallow dives past them, low and chasing insects, as he waits at the door. Is it too early? The sun's starting to rise but the village isn't awake yet, the only signs of human life the smell of smoke from stoves in the air. The door opens and an older woman appears, looking like she just woke up as she wraps her coat closer around her. 

"Tanaka sent me." Kobayashi squints at him, before tilting her head and catching sight of Kakashi on his back. 

"What happened to him?"

"Chakra exhaustion." Kobayashi sighs but opens the door wider and steps back to let them in.

"At his age? Come in. Let me set up a futon for him." 

"Thank you, I'm sorry to intrude." Kobayashi goes into another room, leaving him to awkwardly kick his sandals off, one foot at a time, before setting Kakashi down carefully on the floor. He's taking Kakashi's shoes off too when Kobayashi comes back in and takes a good look at both of them. He doesn't meet her eyes as he gets the shoes off, puts them down by the door, but he can feel them on him. Forming a judgement. 

"I'm Kobayashi. I'm retired these days, despite what Tanaka thinks. Farmers don't believe in retirement. Bring your teammate through and I'll have a look at him." Tenzo lifts him up again, this time in his arms, and carries him into the room. It's a small room, only enough space for two futons and little else, and there's a sliding door that goes outside. One futon is laid out and Tenzo puts Kakashi down on it, who's still unconscious. He sits down as Kobayashi starts to check on Kakashi, the tiredness hitting him again now that he's indoors, somewhere potentially safe. 

"I'm Tenzo. He's Kakashi. It's nice to meet you, please take care of us." Kobayashi nods in acknowledgement but says nothing as she examines Kakashi's injuries, turning his arms over to look at the cuts before checking the injury on his chest. When she moves her hands to Kakashi's head he tenses and she notices, pausing with her hands by his head. 

"I'm just checking that he doesn't have a head injury, don't worry. I won't touch his eye." The tension in his shoulders drops as she checks his chakra pathways, but he keeps a close eye on what she's doing. He can feel how she's examining him and it makes him look at her curiously. Of course it's not exclusive to ninjas, but her technique is close to how medic-nins do it instead of a regular healer.

"Were you a shinobi?"

"No. I did some training with them, but I couldn't be one. Even as a medic you need to kill, and I can't kill." She moves her hands from Kakashi's head, glances at him before looking back at Kakashi. "I lack the instinct." Tenzo wonders what she'd have done, in his situation, with a group about to kill someone so important to her. Would she have found the instinct then? Tenzo doesn't enjoy killing people, unlike some, but he can't imagine not being able to. If he didn't have that killer instinct, he couldn't protect his comrades, protect Kakashi. Hardly a life he could live. His hands reach out to Kakashi's hair, brushes it back before it springs back just like it was before, and it makes his heart ache. When it comes to it, he knows he'd do anything to protect Kakashi. Even if he does try to kill his plants and uses him as a dog babysitter without even saying thanks.

"It doesn't look like a head injury, just chakra exhaustion. The cuts should heal up as long as they're kept clean." The voice breaks into his thoughts, he looks up as she stands up. When he meets her eyes he sees straight away that she knows, noticed the familiarity and love in the way he touched Kakashi just now, and it makes him blush as he looks away. It's embarrassing to be caught so easily, to fail at keeping his feelings hidden from a complete stranger. He's an adult now, one who's been in a relationship with Kakashi for years, and yet he's still as good as hiding how he feels about Kakashi as when he was fifteen. As in, not at all. 

"I'm making breakfast, you can have some. Don't exhaust your own chakra just because you're worrying about Kakashi." Her tone's kindly as she moves towards the kitchen. It's a genuine kindness despite being unexpected visitors and strangers, and he hopes it lasts. He's not used to the kindness of strangers, it's not something he often encounters on ANBU missions. Mostly they're cruel, or indifferent. 

"Thank you." 

"Are you any good at repairing things? The wood's splitting on my table, one of the legs is going. If you know anything about fixing that, it'd be a big help."

"I can repair that." He owes her and it's something he can do. Although he might just remake the whole table. 

"Thank you. Later, though. You need to rest too." Once she's left the room he sags again, before flopping down onto the tatami next to Kakashi. Still out of it, slightly more colour coming back into his face but no other signs of waking up soon. It's hard to tell when he might wake up. Tenzo is still considering it when he falls asleep without realising, despite his aim to stay awake and keep a watch. It is the heavy, deep, dream-less sleep of exhaustion, as he curls up against Kakashi, resting his head on his chest, only interrupted when Kobayashi wakes him up for breakfast. 

After breakfast he feels better, more in balance, good enough to rebuild the table even if he has to sit down and take a break afterwards. He sits on the small veranda outside the guest room Kakashi's asleep in, sliding door open to the afternoon sky over the rice fields. He's half-reading the volume of Ichi Ichi he's borrowed from Kakashi's bag - which is terrible, he has no idea how Kakashi can read it once, nevermind re-read it - and half staring into the distance, looking at the sky. He thinks about how he wishes he'd got some of the same chakra reserve as the First had too, he could do so much more with mokuton if he did. He's also wondering, on a much more immediate note, if Kakashi's ever used these books for jerking off. He's probably happier not knowing if Kakashi can get off to such appalling dialogue, but still.

"Tenzo?" The question is soft, quiet, just a little uncertain but grabs his attention as quickly as a shout, and he goes straight over to Kakashi. He sits down by Kakashi, sees his expression shift to a more relaxed one when he sees him.

"I'm here. How are you feeling?"

"Tired. I can't move." 

"Anything unusual?" Kakashi pauses to check and Tenzo tilts his head to watch him, resting his chin on his hand as he does. With someone else he might be worried about them lying, but Kakashi tends to be honest about injuries.

"No. What happened?"

"What happened is you passed out, right after everyone else left and you finally apologised. I had to carry you to the nearest village. A healer called Kobayashi is hosting us."

"The others?" The concern for the team is obvious in his voice, far more concern than he had about his own condition. Typical Kakashi. 

"I haven't heard anything yet." It shouldn't be long before he does, hopefully they'll give him a status update as well as the inevitable grief for failing to return from his own mission and taking over someone else's mission instead. Kakashi being involved is not good cause. In fact it's probably the worst reason for him to have done it, but he'll take the punishment for it without complaint. After all, it worked. His finger brushes against Kakashi's cheek as he thinks it over, before Kakashi interrupts his thoughts.

"What about you? You're exhausted." There's as much concern for him in his voice as there was for the team, despite their fight, and it makes him warm. He'd hoped Kakashi wouldn't notice that quickly but it'd be stranger if he hadn't noticed.

"Nothing serious, I slept earlier. I wasn't on the original mission team, I was arriving back when they were leaving and they dragged me in. I should have been more careful with my chakra on the first mission." 

"You came to rescue me?" It's an objective statement of fact, but there's a teasing hint in Kakashi's voice. Like Tenzo had visions of him being a damsel in distress and deserted his previous mission to rescue him and Kakashi finds it hilarious. It's embarrassing but there's no other reason he would have done it and they both know it.

"You think I was going to stay at home when you were throwing yourself into other people's problems?" 

"Heh. Who threw himself into someone else's mission when he wasn't meant to?" Kakashi sounds pleased with himself for catching Tenzo in that trap. He can't argue it, he did exactly the same thing he's telling Kakashi off for. His finger stays on Kakashi's cheek as he sighs, as if this is really troublesome, which it is.

"Okay, you got me. I came to rescue you." 

"I hoped it'd be you. I knew I could rely on you if you came." His voice is thoughtful, almost gentle, enough to make Tenzo feel sentimental and act on it, when he hears a call behind him. Sharp, scratchy, a warning. He turns around as the bird hops across the threshold of the door. The jay pauses, shakes its rusty coloured feathers before hopping towards Tenzo and dropping a message at his feet. Kakashi can't turn, can't lift his head enough to see, so he asks instead. "What is it?"

"It's from the captain. They made it back, the injured genin is undergoing treatment and is stable, their sensei's leg is broken but otherwise she and the other genins are fine. She's asking me to report my location and if I need assistance."

"No lecture?" He takes a look at the postscript, and snorts.

"She said that's coming separately, and I am in a huge amount of trouble for not reporting back. Oh, apparently I'm acting like you." That makes Kakashi chuckle, just like he thought it might. He takes a pen out of his kit, scribbles an answer on the back of the letter. The jay watches him, tilts its head as it does, curious but focused. It might not be a summon that speaks, but it looks sharp enough to understand him. "Take this back to your master." There's a sharp call in reply, that almost sounds like "yeah", an agreement, before the jay picks up the paper. It hops back from him and takes off, flying out through the open door back towards Konoha. 

"How much trouble are you in?" Kakashi sounds amused, far too amused.

"How much trouble did you used to get into for ditching missions to rescue people? Because that much."

"A lot. Did you ask for help?"

"Said I'd carry you back to Konoha myself. They'll probably send someone anyway." The jay vanishes on the horizon and Tenzo knows it's done, he can't take back that message now. There's a pause, distant sounds from elsewhere in the village float in, before Kakashi asks his next question.

"What's this healer like?"

"Friendly, considering I woke her up at dawn. She's good, diagnosed you with no trouble. I fixed her table for her as a thanks." 

"Is that what you've been doing? Carpentry?" 

"Better than just reading Ichi Ichi until you woke up. I can't believe you can read it constantly, it's terrible." The mention of his book perks Kakashi up and puts a sparkle in his eye, which might be charming if it wasn't in defense of such rubbish. 

"Oh? Didn't it do anything for you?" Tenzo gives him a withering look, because it's nearly an insult for Kakashi to assume that it could, but it doesn't put Kakashi off.

"You can't be serious." 

"What? It's erotic _and_ moving!" 

"Moving what, exactly?" Kakashi looks at him with an expression like a kicked puppy.

"Didn't you forgive me?"

"I have. That doesn't mean I can't make fun of your appalling taste in books." Kakashi might be pouting in response under his mask, which isn't discouraging him after actually arguing with him. He leans over to pull down his mask to check. It's a gesture he might not get away with if Kakashi was able to move at all. Instead it reveals that Kakashi is pouting, just like he suspected, and it makes him laugh before he leans in closer to kiss him. That stops the pouting, until he pulls back and that makes Kakashi act even more of a brat.

"Hey, kiss me again. Properly." He probably shouldn't even be kissing him once, while they're in a stranger's house and too weak to defend themselves easily. He's assessing the risks, weighing them up to see if he can do it, when Kakashi quietly interrupts him. "If she wanted to hurt us, she could have done it when we were both asleep. Just keep an ear out." He gives Tenzo a smile that says, with a shrug, "what can I do?" before using his best weapon. "I've missed you."

It's too strong to resist. Kakashi being so direct with his feelings always hits him hard, even more when combined with the relief that he's still alive and they're not arguing anymore. There's a flush in his cheeks as he shifts onto his knees over Kakashi. He doesn't rest his weight on top of him until Kakashi clicks his tongue and whispers "properly" to him, with all the implication in it. He goes even redder as he settles on top of Kakashi before kissing him again, this time less of a press and deeper, a kiss filled with the pent-up urges of the weeks they've spent arguing. Kakashi's tongue slides into his mouth with ease, for someone who's supposed to be suffering from chakra exhaustion. He holds back a moan but when he finally pulls back he's flushed with arousal now, not embarrassment, and Kakashi's a little breathless as they stare at each other, before letting out a quiet "oops." 

"What do you mean - oh, come on". This time it's not Kakashi fainting, he feels the hardness pressing up against his hip, even through the sheets. "You've got chakra exhaustion, how can you get hard now?" Kakashi lets out a very small laugh, embarrassed despite the fact he was the one who pointed it out in the first place.

"You just have that effect on me?" That makes him blush too, but even with the insecure location and Kakashi's chakra exhaustion, it makes him give in. He wants it too, wants to make Kakashi come even if he's got no chakra to spare

"Fine." He gets up and slides the door shut, locking both of them with their latches before pulling the sheets off him and getting back on top of Kakashi. He grinds down on his cock, drawing a sharp breath from Kakashi that goes straight through him too. His hands move to the hem of Kakashi's shirt and start to pull it up. Kakashi being so still feels strange, even when Tenzo's on top he tends to have his demands, expressed in every movement he makes, and it must feel tortuous to not react now. He could be merciful. Considering how Kakashi teases him constantly, it feels more like a chance to get his own back.

They've made up for their fighting and he's incredibly relieved that Kakashi is alive. However, that doesn't mean he'll give this chance up to have Kakashi at his mercy. He pauses for a moment, listening to hear where Kobayashi is, identifying her in the distance before focusing back on Kakashi again. She's cooking. That gives him time to do this properly.

His hands go to Kakashi's nipples, teasing both of them to hardness with his fingers, as Kakashi lets out a shaky breath. It makes Tenzo glance up at his face, see that every reaction Kakashi is having shows up in his face, for once, since the rest of him can't. Tenzo's eyes don't look away as he moves his mouth to tease one of them with his tongue. Usually Kakashi might squirm, pull on his hair a little, but now his face squirms instead, his cheeks going even redder as he gets harder against Tenzo's stomach. It's so hot to see, Kakashi doesn't usually keep his poker face in bed but this is incredibly expressive, even more emotions than he'd normally show. He shifts to suck on Kakashi's nipple, still teasing the other with his finger. Kakashi is trying not to moan, biting his lip hard, and it sends heat shooting through him. He's getting hard too, from the heat on Kakashi's face and the taste of him in his mouth, his cock swelling against Kakashi's thigh as he grinds against it.

That makes Kakashi stare at him as he feels it, his eye dark with want. Without thinking Tenzo pushes his headband up to see both eyes, even if they should be conserving his chakra. Kakashi gives him a questioning look but opens his eye, the flush on his cheeks matching his Sharingan. It probably shouldn't turn Tenzo on more, considering who it originally belonged to, but it does. 

"I want you to watch me." 

"I'm watching." Kakashi's voice is rough, and it sounds like he doesn't want to do anything else. As Tenzo moves his way down his chest with his mouth, kissing his way down, he can feel Kakashi's eyes on him. It fills some deep-seated urge, for Kakashi as his senpai to notice him and just him. Reaching the waistband of Kakashi's trousers he pauses, looks up and meets his eyes squarely before he pulls them down in one go, his cock springing free. He glances down at his cock and pauses to admire it. He's so hard, so eager. He wraps a hand around his cock and starts to stroke Kakashi off. There's a stuttering breath in response, he knows how Kakashi would thrust against his hand if he could, how frustrating it must be that he can't. That makes him move his other hand to tease Kakashi's balls, palming them in his hand, pushing him further. Kakashi lets out a small groan in response, trying to stay quiet but the frustration and lust is evident in it. His own cock aches in solidarity.

He could fuck Kakashi like this, but he'd miss the way Kakashi wraps his thighs around him as he does it. The way his hands grab his back and his hips demand he go faster, deeper, harder, directing him in any way he wants. He pauses in touching Kakashi, making him whine slightly, as he grabs the oil in his kit and pulls his trousers and underwear down and off. An inhale, deep breath, from Kakashi in response. A compliment, especially when he glances at Kakashi and sees the look in his eyes. Like he's straining to touch him, exhaustion be damned. It makes him lean in and kiss him again, before uncapping the oil and coating his fingers in it. 

"Are you-" A whisper, so quiet that he can just about hear it.

"Patience." Kakashi complains slightly but Tenzo ignores it. He knows Kakashi can be patient, has no other choice but to be patient right now. He can feel that Kakashi wants him to go back to touching his cock but he doesn't, shifts onto his knees instead before he moves his hand to his ass, pressing a finger inside him slowly. 

"Ah." A soft comment, all Kakashi says as his dark eyes take it in, even the Sharingan still open, watching him as he presses his finger in deeper. The feeling of Kakashi's eyes on him makes his cock twitch as much as his fingers as he stretches himself, pushes in another finger. It's not as good as Kakashi's fingers in him, not as good as his cock will be when he's ready, and he lets out a sharp breath at the thought which grabs Kakashi's attention. As he pushes in a third finger he wriggles his hips, fucking himself on his fingers but it's still not as good as Kakashi is. The angle is too awkward. 

"Is that good?" That soft voice again. It'd almost be concern if his eyes weren't so closely watching every move Tenzo makes with hunger. 

"This," he reaches out with his free hand, gives Kakashi's cock a light squeeze that makes him bite his lips, "will be better". There's a flush on Kakashi's cheeks that pushes him on. He pulls his fingers out, straddles Kakashi before oiling up his cock. Despite his exhaustion, it jumps in his hand and a small laugh escapes him. 

"So, even with chakra exhaustion, your mouth and your dick work. Why am I not surprised?" Embarrassment blooms on Kakashi's face, although not that strong with his hand on his cock. Tenzo's sure he'd be doing that embarrassed rubbing of his neck if he could move his hands.

"Maa, well, it's the most important parts, really." 

"Mmm." Considering the circumstances, he can't argue with that. They shouldn't be doing this, he should let Kakashi rest instead of draining his chakra even more. The thought pokes into his mind but he dismisses it. Consequences later, fucking Kakashi now. He lets go of Kakashi, sees his eyelids twitch from it, before he shifts and adjusts his hips, lowering himself down onto Kakashi's cock. The sudden sharp fullness is a shock, even after his fingers, and he has to pause, remember how to breath before he can move. 

Kakashi is breathing heavily, his left eye shut. Tenzo feels his cock throbbing inside him and it sends a spark through him, before he rolls his hips. That draws a gasp from Kakashi, one that makes him keep moving, start to really fuck himself on Kakashi. No chance of Kakashi grabbing his thighs, directing him around this time, it's all on him. He grinds on Kakashi's cock, trying to reach that spot inside him, watching Kakashi's face as intently as he usually watches the rest of his body when they're fucking. When Kakashi bumps into that spot he slaps his hand over his mouth, smothering the moan it pulled out of him, as he jerks on top of him. He can see the simultaneous frustration and lust in Kakashi's expression. 

"Oh, fuck." He's not seen Kakashi's face quite like this before, he can't pull his eyes away from it. How come he's never tried this before? He misses Kakashi touching him, but having him completely at his mercy, only able to respond to whatever he does, is much better than he expected. There's got to be an upside to chakra exhaustion, he's just surprised it's taken so long for him to find it. He can't hold back the thought, Tenzo has to share it. 

"Would you like it if I did this again? Next time you exhaust yourself, I tease you until you're begging for it? Won't fuck you until you do?" It's a fast whisper, he can hear how thick his voice is with lust, and it makes Kakashi inhales sharply. The way his cock jerks inside him says Tenzo might have accidentally stumbled on something. It's enough to keep him hard and wanting and to postpone the inevitable embarrassment he'll feel to later. "You want that, Kakashi-senpai?"

The senpai is unintentional, long-held habit that he usually manages to avoid in bed, but Kakashi comes as soon as he says it. It's so sudden it takes them both by surprise, and it makes Tenzo move faster, grinding his hips as he watches the orgasm on Kakashi's face, feel him come inside him. He moves his hand to his own cock, gives himself a few sharp, fast strokes before he comes too, all across Kakashi's heaving chest. His hips falter as he lets his orgasm wash over him, easing off on Kakashi's cock before pulling off him and rolling half onto the futon, half on the tatami. It'll be uncomfortable once he comes down but for now he lets the feeling carry him off. It's at least a few minutes before Kakashi speaks again.

"So, Tenzo...you're a dominant?" Kakashi sounds amused, very amused, but when Tenzo turns over to frown at him, trying not to blush and failing miserably, he's blushing too. Teasing as a coping mechanism.

"And you came when I called you senpai." 

"Ah, no. It was the…"

"Thought of begging me to fuck you?" Kakashi goes even redder, that pout back on his lips. Now that he's come back down to earth, he's a little embarrassed by his suggestion too. It's like a bit like something out of, god help him, Ichi Ichi, but Kakashi is even more embarrassed than he is. It's enough to stop him from teasing him any further. "It was just talk, we don't have to do anything." He reaches over and runs his fingers through Kakashi's hair to reassure him. He's silent for a minute before he finally replies. 

"...I guess. Can you pull the sheets up, I'm cold." Tenzo would like to explore that further, but the request stops him for now. Maybe later. Maybe next time someone has to drag his ass back to Konoha because he's being a hero again. He wipes the cum off Kakashi, pulls his clothes back up and then the sheets over him, pulls his mask up and readjusts his headband back over his eye. Apart from the redness of his face, and the tell-tell smell of sex in the air, nobody would know. As he pulls his own clothes back on he unlocks the doors again, starts to open the outside door to air out the sex smell. She'll probably know, anyway. She's savvy and it's moritifying to consider it, now that he's thinking with his head instead of with his dick. He can at least try to clear up.

"Tenzo." He's sliding the door open, pauses to look around at Kakashi, but his face is suddenly blank again, and not because of the mask hiding half of it. "Don't you think you're wasting time with me? Shouldn't you be…" The thought trails off, he can't figure out what Kakashi thinks he should be doing instead. Whatever it is, he knows his answer anyway and he shakes his head.

"No. I don't think I've ever wasted time if it was time spent with you." He finishes sliding the door open, looks out at the sunset streaking across the sky, and wonders what Kakashi could mean. Kakashi doesn't explain his thought, and when he looks back again, his eyes are shut. Not asleep, he knows how Kakashi looks when he's sleeping, but thinking. He lets him think without interruption.


	24. Part Three: Chapter Five

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei! We're here to visit you!" Naruto yells, like he's not in a hospital. Sakura shushes him while Sasuke lets out a snort of derision. It's hard to tell if it's aimed at him or Naruto, probably both. It's been a day since they carried him back to Konoha, a low-key mission that ended in an unexpected ambush and him exhausting his chakra trying to stop them getting killed. A typical Team 7 mission, really. 

"Yo." They haven't bothered to bring him flowers, or anything at all, they don't even look concerned by his hospitalisation. It's a little depressing. It's not like he wants to worry them, but he's their sensei, surely some concern for him is due. He's got enough energy to turn his head to look at them, to see that lack of concern. Naruto is buzzing all over the place, already going off on a long-winded story that he's missed the first part of, Sasuke looks like he wants to leave already, and Sakura looks distracted. The distraction is unusual in not being focused on Sasuke but more inwards, just enough to make him wonder if something's up. His earlier fears about not being able to connect to Sakura at all haven't come true, but it's more effort than with the boys. Their goals are ones he can assist them with, or try to divert in Sasuke's case, but Sakura is different. Her goal is less tangible, something he's never tried for. He always knew Minato was out of his reach, and Tenzo's heart was never something he aimed for in the way Sakura is for Sasuke's. He almost stumbled into it by accident. 

"So, I said to him - hey, you're not listening!" Naruto's sudden accusation makes his attention snap back to him, and he smiles in a way that infuriates Naruto. 

"He's fine, let's go. Get better soon, you disgrace of an adult." Sasuke's words make him wince - painful but unarguable - but it breaks Naruto's story and starts an argument between him and Sasuke, both of them walking out together in a barrage of noise. Mostly from Naruto. Sakura pauses for a moment, looks at Kakashi like she's about to ask him something, but decides against it and leaves, following the rest of the team out. Kakashi is torn between relief and concern. He knows whatever she wants to ask is probably something he can't answer, an emotional question out of his limited range. That doesn't change that he's her sensei and if she needs advice, he should be providing it. Something to chase when he's better.

The window slides open and something hits him square in the face. A steamed bun, still wrapped up in paper, enough to clue him in to who's probably assaulting him with food.

"Yo, Tenzo." The heavy sigh that follows confirms his guess, of Tenzo hearing what happened to him after finishing his latest mission and coming by to tell him off for it.

"Don't 'yo' me, you idiot. What are you doing, acting so irresponsibly and making your team carry you back? They've twelve." He hears the window slide shut and then Tenzo is standing next to him, takes his mask off so he can see just how displeased he is with Kakashi. It might be intimidating if he was one of Tenzo's kouhais, but it's more funny to him than anything else. 

"Ah, well, it's good experience for them." 

"What, that their sensei is unreliable? They shouldn't have to come and check on you because they're worried on their day off." Tenzo's got that lecturing tone in his voice, which is ironic considering how he's almost certain Tenzo thinks he coddles his genin team too much most of the time. He's turned out to be a much less harsh jounin-sensei that he would have guessed, but how could he be? They passed the bell test, they work together and they're growing rapidly. He's too proud of their development, too fond of his cute little genins to be strict when they don't need it. He was never the strictest captain when he was in ANBU anyway. He always cared more about protecting his team than achieving every goal after Kinoe brought him out of that slump by accident. It's a big responsibility, training genins, but perhaps Guy and Tenzo were right after all, it was a natural move for him. 

"They weren't that worried. Besides, they're my team, not yours. I run it my way." 

"I'm aware that it's your-" Tenzo cuts himself off mid-sentence, and he hears the window slide open, Tenzo vanishing up onto the roof as he hears the door open again. The expression on Sakura's face when he looks over says she saw Tenzo, despite his speedy exit, and she's not sure what to make of it. 

"Sorry, did I interrupt something?" She sounds uncertain, like she just walked in on her parents arguing. Kakashi feels a little embarrassed by it.

"Ah, it's fine. He's an old friend, so he likes to lecture me." Sakura doesn't look convinced by his explanation but she doesn't ask him anything more about it. Whatever she's come back by herself to talk about is pressing on her more. 

"Kakashi-sensei, what do you think of Sasuke?" The question is innocent but it feels like an opening, a route to asking further, more important questions. That makes him pause to think about it, even though he knows his answer right away.

"He's very talented. He'll go far if he keeps applying himself like this." He doesn't mention his fears for him, the need for revenge destroying him like it's destroyed so many others. That's not something Sakura needs to worry about, that's his responsibility. 

"What about Naruto?" That question is more unexpected, considering how they argue, but it feels like she's building her confidence up to the bigger questions. 

"He's loud, and an idiot. But he's got a good heart and he really values people. I've not seen anyone win over people like he does." 

"And me?" This question is quieter, and he tries to assess what she's really asking, what she's scoping out. If it's about her possible appeal to Sasuke, he has no idea, but he can answer it as her teacher. 

"You're by far the smartest in the team. You understand a lot, and you're perspective. You're excellent with your chakra control too." Is it the right answer? Sakura's slightly disappointed expression suggests it's not and he feels a little disappointed too. Her smarts and chakra control are far more important, in his view, than her looks or if a boy likes her. He wishes he knew how to tell her this in a way that she'd listen to, a wish that makes him immediately think of Rin. She would probably know, she'd have a way to explain it to Sakura that'd make sense. The loss feels even greater than it already does, the guilt that Rin is not here because of him even heavier, and only Sakura's voice pulls him out of those thoughts.

"The characters we have, the ones on our hands, what do you think they mean?" The question takes a moment to sink in, before he wonders what's triggered this now. Sakura comes from a happy family, her loving parents would have told her as soon as she asked, she's surely known for years what everyone thinks they mean. Why is she asking him? Then he remembered the temple they passed on their last mission. A local girl told them when they stopped for the night that it was famous for love, a prayer there would secure any heart, no matter how far away it was before.

Sakura vanished for an hour shortly after that, no explanation given when she came back, and it's so obvious now where she'd gone that he could kick himself for not noticing at the time. Of course she went to that temple, perhaps she's wondering how long her prayer will take, if it'll work, if it'll override the characters on her hand - who's on her hand? He tries to glance over at her hands but she hides them before he can see her palm, guessing his thoughts with that intelligence of hers. Sharp. So sharp that he decides to play dumb to give him time.

"What it means...well, if they have your name on their hand, it means they should pick up your tab at restaurants." 

"Kakashi-sensei, that's not funny." Her voice is as annoyed as her expression, the joke going down like a lead balloon and showing just how serious she is. It's enough to stop him from trying another joke, going for a serious answer instead with the weight of Rin in his stomach.

"Someone told me that maybe they don't matter that much. The names don't guarantee you'll get to be happy with that person." He tries to sound positive, like it can be a good thing, to not meet the person supposed to be your soulmate. Like Rin didn't want him instead of Obito, like he didn't ruin it for both of them even before he killed them, like he doesn't know his selfishness is stopping Tenzo from meeting his soulmate. Sakura doesn't look reassured by his words, doesn't even look convinced by them. Shit. Wrong answer. Whatever Sakura needed, he's completely failed to provide it. 

"I see. Get better soon, sensei." Sakura doesn't wait after that, turns and leaves the room in a hurry, and Kakashi has that sinking feeling again, knowing he's failed her. He wants to stop failing like this, wants to do the right thing, help instead of making it worse, and he lets out a low sigh. The window opens again as he considers his failure, and Tenzo reappears from his rooftop wait. 

"See, she was worried about you."

"No, she was worried about a boy, not me." Tenzo makes a small, uncomfortable noise. He can feel his eyes on him, trying to assess how and why Kakashi's mood has shifted. It's enough to stop Tenzo lecturing him any further but he doesn't want to talk about it now, he wants to think about his latest failure by himself. "You're the only one who worries about me, Tenzo. It's because you're a nag."

"Someone's got to nag you. Here." With a firm hand he pulls Kakashi up into a sitting position, picking up the bun from the sheets and tearing a piece of it off. He opens his mouth as Tenzo pulls his mask down, letting him put the piece of the bun in before chewing on it. Tenzo doesn't need to do it, but if Tenzo's in the mood to spoil him he's not going to argue. He doesn't deserve it, never has, but that doesn't stop him from wanting it.

"How was your mission?"

"Fine. Only person who died on it was the target." Tenzo tears off another piece of the bun and offers it to him, and he takes it, chewing thoughtfully as Tenzo adjusts his pillows for him. It's not like when the nurses do it, it's gentle, caring, probably like how a wife would do it for her husband, making sure he's comfortable. After disappointing Sakura when she needed him, after another reminder of how lacking he is compared to the rest of Team Minato, Tenzo's quiet, thoughtful care is like a balm. He looks at those dark eyes, not looking at him but glancing out of the window. He spots a smear of dirt still on Tenzo's cheek from his mission, a sign that he didn't even fully clean up before rushing over to see him. The bun is idly sitting in his hands, a thought of how those hands can heal in more ways than just how the First did drifts into his mind, before Tenzo realises he's looking at him and turns to meet his eyes with a slightly teasing smile.

"What?" It's soft, a question, filled with the expectation that he'll help Kakashi with whatever he requests. If he was surer, if, and he dares to think it now, he had Tenzo's name on his hand, he might tell him his real thoughts on looking at him like this, that he loves him. But it's near impossible to admit it to himself, and there's the fear of losing Tenzo forever as soon as he says it. Painting a target for fate on his back.

"I'm still hungry. I didn't say stop."


	25. Part Three: Chapter Six

It's been a day since her inauguration and there's already stacks of paperwork scattered across her desk. Another stack is starting to grow next to the desk, along with the stack of worries on her head as she skims through another document before she tosses it aside with a dismissive noise. If the Fifth hadn't called him in for a meeting he would leave her to it, he's already got his next assignment, but instead he waits. Tsunade drops another set of papers before looking up at him and straightening up as he bows. 

"Tenzo. I wanted to talk with all of you, but I don't know when I'll have the time. So I'm talking to you at least. You've got the best service record of any ANBU under the Third, you were highly recommended to me. I've heard you're direct, so I'll be direct with you and expect the same back. What's motivation like in ANBU?" She doesn't start out lightly, cutting straight to the point, but it's straight to a question he can answer, something he's been keeping an eye on too.

"Mixed. We lost experienced members in the invasion and it's hurt us, just like the rest of the village. We nearly all started under the Third and haven't experienced a change of leader before either. We'll adjust to your style though, and there's no need to worry about our loyalty. We're sworn to obey you and we will." Tsunade looks a little pained by the mention of the assault on the village, but his finishing statement eases it. They all sworn their oaths to her before the inauguration, but extra reassurance can't hurt. 

"Good. Your view on the biggest threat to the village?" It seems obvious to him, and she probably knows his answer before he says it, considering Orochimaru's assault on Konoha.

"War. Being attacked during the chunin exams made us look weak and the others have noticed. We lost a lot of good shinobi in the attack, and if the other villages find out, they'll take advantage of it. We'll keep it hidden for as long as possible, but if there's a spy determined enough, it'll get out. There might be more spies like Kabuto out there." The Fifth doesn't look surprised by what he's said, since anyone with sense would probably say the same, but it's reassuring to know they're on the same wavelength. It's a good start with a new boss. 

"As I thought. Anything else?" 

"The nine-tails. It's always a risk, but it's less likely to break out than a war." He knows there's arguments about it, if Naruto should be forced to stay in the village, and he also knows Kakashi thinks it'd be crazy to force him to stay. To Tenzo it's still abstract, Naruto is mostly a name and a character in Kakashi's stories about his team. From the way Tsunade smiles though, it's not abstract to her. Naruto was the force that pulled her back to the village, after all. "I'm taking steps with Naruto on that. Still, if it happens, I'll be relying on you. I'll be selfish now, what do you think is a risk to me personally, as Hokage?" 

"Danzo." He doesn't even think about it. Anything else would be a risk for whoever the Hokage could be. "He could work with the Third, most of the time." There's a question on Tsunade's face at that, and he's not sure if that attempted assassination was in his file, but it's not something he wants to dwell on. "He saw himself as his natural successor, fix the weaknesses he saw. To be pipped to the post by someone who hasn't lived in the village for years, by a legendary sannin and not the sannin he'd pick? He must be furious. You won't rely on him like the Third did, either. That'll weaken his power." Tsunade scowls. 

"How worried do you think I should be?" 

"If you're in a position of strength, not that much. If you weaken in any way, if you're too soft by his standards, he will act on that and undermine you. I can't advise you on the politics, but be careful." Tsunade takes a heavy breath through her nose, leaning back and shutting her eyes, before letting out a tsk.

"That old bastard. I don't like it." He tries not to smile but it comes out regardless, even he quickly covers it up, a breach in protocol he can't really excuse. It's a brattish outburst, considering what her role is now, but it's human and Danzo isn't someone he needs to defend. Tsunade catches it and it draws a smirk from her, maybe it's more reassuring than any of his actual words, before she sighs. "You're right though, he doesn't like me. What about Root? Should I worry about them?"

"No, we keep an eye on them for you. Although it'd be better if we didn't have to spend so much time spying on other ANBUs. And them on us." She lets out a thoughtful "hmm", as if she's about to come up with a solution, but she follows up with a question he wouldn't expect from her instead. 

"Do you think I can step into the Third's shoes? He was an exceptional shinobi, right to the end." The question is more personal than he'd expect from his leader, and Tenzo looks away for a moment. It's a question he has to think about carefully to answer.

"You can't step into someone else's shoes. It's better to lead your own way. You can admire someone but still disagree with them." 

"Did you disagree with the Third?" It's a probing question, trying to assess if she can trust him. 

"When I did, I told him. If I disagree with you ma'am, I'll tell you, but if it's what you want, I'll do it." The Fifth blinks at that before breaking into a laugh.

"Your records said you were polite but you speak your mind regardless of who you're talking to. Even your boss, huh. I like that. Just like the kid. Any questions for me? It's your chance." The immediate "no" is on his lips before he pauses, realising there is a question he's curious about since she returned, even if it's not professional.

"How do you feel about being back in the village? And do you want any changes to ANBU?" 

"No, I don't want changes yet, I need to see how it works first." She pauses on the first question, which he's over-stepped by asking, she's his boss, there's no need for Tsunade to explain herself to him. "I never thought I'd come back, nevermind to lead the village. It feels unreal, but Naruto has a habit of making the unreal happen, surely you know about that?" 

"I couldn't say." That makes Tsunade grin, and she casually waves her hand at him. Her amused look makes him uncomfortable in a way that the serious questions before didn't. 

"I'm well aware of your relationship with Kakashi, and it's hard to get him to stop talking about his students. Surely you've heard enough by now?" The reveal that she knows makes him blush, which just makes her grin wider. He should have expected it, it's got to be on his records, relationships between teammates always are in ANBU, but he's not prepared for being teased about it in his first proper meeting with his boss.

"I really can't comment, but Kakashi said he's doing well. Even if he's a dope." Tsunade laughs in response, it's good that she's looking less stressed out than when their meeting started, but he wishes it wasn't at his expense. Once she settles down, he expects to be dismissed, but she looks thoughtful before asking him one more question.

"Oh, one last thing before you go. Can you show me the mokuton?" 

"Of course. It's not like the First's though, I'm much less skilled." 

"Show me anyway. I want to see it again, it's been so long." He knows he can't use it like the First did, the scrolls prove it even without seeing him in action, and showing it to someone who's seen the original, part of his family, applies the same kind of pressure when he was first learning it. He runs through the signs, calls it out of him. His focus is more on the jutsu than usual, on how it works instead of thinking about what he'll do with it, and the sudden rush of branches from his back burst into full life. It's not something he'd use in the field, there's no need for it there, but it's a way to show it without damaging the office. Tsunade leans forward to look at them, at the growing leaves and then falls back into her chair with a smile. No teasing now, slightly distant, like she's thinking of the past. 

"It's different, but not that different. You're much more careful with your chakra. Thank you for coming today and for your service. I'll be relying on you for a while longer."


	26. Part Three: Chapter Seven

The silence is striking. This is exactly the kind of mission where his team would have been a riot of noise, arguments, opinions, teasing. But it's just him, alone, and it's quiet. Guarding a merchant who only talks on breaks, and his teenage granddaughter who's refusing to talk at all after declaring Kakashi was old. Considering he's only twenty seven, closer in age to her than he is to her grandfather, that stings a little but to her he must seem ancient. He feels ancient, and tired. Mostly tired. By now Naruto would have picked a fight with her, enraged by her snotty behaviour. Yet he would manage to win her over too, eventually, with his determination and brave, can-do attitude. It's not something he's going to do. He's not sure it's something he can do. 

Thinking about it only makes it worse, but there's little else for him to think about as they walk. There are spies following them, but they're just watching, it's enough to just monitor them without them realising. After his years in ANBU, it's not something he needs to think about hard, doesn't stop his other thoughts. He misses his team, misses their presence alongside him, arguing and talking. There's a nagging worry too, one that creeps up on him now when he leaves the village and gets worse the further away he is. What if something happens while he's away again? What if Sasuke changes his mind, decides he wants to leave Orochimaru, but he can't get hold of him and ends up trapped there? It's unlikely, Sasuke is stubborn, but he's changed his mind before. Could always change it again. If Sasuke does, he will do everything he can to get him out. But what if he misses his chance? The thought presses on him as they walk. 

By the time they stop for the night, Kakashi is certain this isn't an A-Rank mission. Whoever is following them, they're not high-rank shinobi. This is the kind of mission that a decent chunin team could cover, there's no need for it to be him. He helps the merchant set up their fire for the night, the granddaughter still ignoring them, turned away from the flames as she lies in her futon, before he asks him about it. 

"This isn't an A-Rank mission, is it?" The merchant laughs, warms his hands over the fire before pulling back from the flames to sit down. 

"Afraid not. I exaggerated the threat, sorry kid. He'll send someone to try to bump me off but he's a cheap bastard! It'll be a couple of kids, or some dumb ronins. Better off spending that money on his lawyers if he wants to win! If it was just me, C-Rank would have done, 'specially since I ain't a spring chicken, but with her here, wanted the best help I could get." They glance over at the granddaughter, who's already fallen asleep, exhausted by the travelling, and the merchant shrugs casually, with a smile on his face. "Kids, huh? Hoped it'd stop her sulking but she's as bolshy as her ma was at that age. Looks like her dad's folk but her personality's all my side." 

Kakashi has seen lying to get a cheaper mission, but lying to pay more is unusual, and hard to pull off. If he's managed to sweet-talk his way around the Fifth to get guarding him ranked as A, this merchant is more wily and cunning than his casual attitude suggests, and a good liar too. It's probably how he ended up in a bitter court case with a rival wanting to kill him in the first place. He can understand why the merchant's done it, to protect someone else, but it feels like he's being wasted here with how much pressure the village is under right now and it makes him sharp.

"Just don't lie to me anymore. Is your rival really trying to kill you?"

"Huh?" The merchant looks up from the bag he's rumbling through and gives Kakashi a look. Yes, definitely sharper than he's been acting. Sly old bastard. They look at each other, Kakashi keeping his expression as neutral as possible, before the merchant cracks. "Yeah, he'll try to kill me. Happened a couple of times before when he's been in court. Nobody's proved anythin', but bit of a coincidence that his enemies keep slipping down their stairs and breaking their necks, falling into rivers or vanishing on the road. Mighty fine luck, if ya have it." He frowns into the bag, before continuing, this time in a low voice, almost a whisper. "How many?"

"Three." The merchant nods before closing the bag up. 

"Be relying on you then, Kakashi-san." He gets up and goes to set up his futon, leaving Kakashi alone by the fire. Kakashi isn't ready to sleep yet, stays by the fire to read, although after an hour he's only read ten pages. All the numerous and vivid charms of Kiyoko can't pull him in like they usually do, his team is still on his mind. They're rarely off his mind at the moment, even if he knows Sakura is in safe hands with Tsunade, and Naruto is in safe-ish hands with Jiraiya, he still wonders how much he got wrong. And Sasuke...Sasuke is in the most dangerous hands he could be in, and that's his fault. He shouldn't have assumed what saved him could save Sasuke, he saw so many similarities he thought he understood. He underestimated their differences, was stupid enough to underestimate Itachi. Even after fighting alongside him and seeing just how deep his hatred ran under his calm. 

He asked Tenzo what it might be like for him, shortly after Sasuke left, trying to find an answer. Tenzo hadn't answered at first, continued to water his plants instead, back turned to him. The silence stretched out, he watched Tenzo's back but he didn't turn to him. 

"Orochimaru values him, wants what he has. People survive when they're useful to him, and he's very useful to him. If Sasuke is using him too, that'll help. But he's got no idea what he's got himself into." That was all, Tenzo finished watering his plants and moved on, back to the present and now. He still doesn't know much about that time in Tenzo's life, only the broadest outlines. It was terrifying, everyone else died, that's all it is. Tenzo's past doesn't drag on him like his own does. It's there but he's focused on living, on here and now. 

Another hour passes, the sky darkens above him, the stars shining even clearer and the night gets deeper in the woods around them. Kiyoko is coming to a decision, weighing up the merits of the men who love her, but Kakashi is still distracted. Still thinking about what he should have done differently, first with Sasuke and then with all his other mistakes, as he apathetically flicks through the pages. He lets out a sigh as he snaps the book shut, starts to think about sleep. 

He looks up at the moon, full and bright, a good moon for travelling by. The kind of moon that he remembers looking even bigger reflected in a lake, when Tenzo touched his arm to bring him back to earth, silent but the touch soft enough to suggest the warmth that's hidden behind his mask, when he suddenly senses something. Not the spies, they're at a distance now, probably setting up their own camp for the night too. Someone else, very faint chakra, so faint and tightly concealed that most shinobis would miss it. It makes him alert and cautious. Just in case the merchant got it wrong, that his rival is willing to pay for an assassin as well as the spies. He slips away from the fire and into the forest to assess the threat. He conceals his chakra as he falls into the shadows, trying to minimise his presence as much as possible. 

There's a faint call in the night air as he waits in the shadow of a tree. To an inexperienced ear it'd just be an owl, but he recognises the call. An ANBU call, signalling that there's someone below them, and he doesn't flinch as a masked figure drops out of the trees in front of him to check on him. 

"Good evening, Kakashi-senpai. Are you well? Is your mission going successfully?" He doesn't recognise the ANBU, like most ANBUs these days. Behind the mask her voice is highly polite, formal. Her manners are more suitable for the daughter of a lord about to be presented to a queen than an assassin. What kind of people end up in ANBU these days? His eye curves into a smile, hiding as much as it shows.

"I'm fine. What's going on?"

"We are on our way to deal with something. It is nothing that you will need to worry about, senpai, we will swiftly resolve it. However, even with the threat of bandits, it would be most sensible for you and your party to use the main road. There are more serious threats in the woods." 

"Right, thanks." The rest of the team pass by in the branches overhead, nearly silent and blending into the shadows. He glances up automatically as they go past but he can't sense Tenzo among them. Even concealed his chakra is too familiar to miss, even if it's only a faint trace. The ANBU looks up too, before glancing at him with a soft, apologetic noise.

"I apologise that Captain Tenzo is not with us, his team was required on a different mission." Is he that obvious? He rubs a finger along the top of his mask, feeling a little bashful that his thoughts were so clear that even a stranger could read it. Sometimes he can seem to summon Tenzo just by thinking of him, but not tonight. It makes him suddenly, intensely miss him, to run into ANBUs but not the one he was thinking of.

"Well, that's fine. He's a busy guy. Work hard, and look after your teammates." It's the same parting message he used to give as a captain, it comes off his tongue as easily as it always did and she bows in response. A deep bow that's far too formal for the circumstances, and Kakashi feels uncomfortable with it as she leaps back into the trees. He watches her go, chasing after her team and he wonders how long she'll last in ANBU. She's an awkward fit for it, just like he turned out to be, after ten years of being in it. Maybe it won't take so long for someone to figure that out with her.

Since there's no threat here, just business that's no longer his business, he turns back towards his camp, winding his way through the shadows of the trees. He feels the trace of chakra vanish, and then all he can sense, as he approaches the fire again, is the three spies in the distance. Oh, and the merchant. When Kakashi left the camp he was fast asleep, but he's awake and up now, sitting by the fire, waiting with a sword in his lap. It confirms his earlier suspicion that he's a lot sharper than he was acting, even if Kakashi didn't try to conceal that he was leaving the camp.

"Any trouble?" The merchant is trying for relaxed but his tone comes out as suspicious instead. That doesn't surprise Kakashi. His behaviour definitely looks suspicious enough, vanishing for a few minutes during the night without warning, like the lead-up to a betrayal. If the Merchant had done it, he'd be keeping a close eye on him afterwards too. 

"No trouble. I sensed someone going past and checked, it was just a team from Konoha." The Merchant sighs, picks up his sword and takes a look at it. It's well-crafted and in good condition, but Kakashi is certain he could disarm him without much trouble. He can probably use it better than he can too, even if he's not using a sword every day now. His father was an excellent swordsman, and teacher, even made him capable of passing that knowledge on. The memory of checking Tenzo's technique before their first official mission together comes to mind. Tenzo was already good but he could be better, he remembers uncurling Tenzo's fingers from the grip, shifting the fingers before telling him to try it again, ignoring the slight redness on Tenzo's cheeks as he did it. Even back then, he was already starting to be aware of Tenzo's crush, even if he'd deny it. Strange for it to suddenly come to mind now, when facing a stranger who thinks he might be about to betray him. 

"Did wonder if I was 'bout to find myself in some real trouble." The question is a test, trying to tease out what he's thinking. Kakashi isn't interested in playing games as he sits down near the fire.

"It's always a good idea to be alert. I'm not going to betray you though, and I hope we don't run into the kind of trouble that'll make me have to prove that." The Merchant laughs, a response he's not sure about, until the Merchant puts the sword down to rest next to him. 

"Good answer! I remember when a team from Konoha proved that to me. God, how long ago would that been? Well over twenty years ago, at least. Ya would have been even more of a kid then!" Being called a kid at his age is a little...it makes him feel long-suffering, but it's an improvement on being called ancient, maybe. At this age it doesn't gall him like when he was a stuck-up brat who wanted to impress everyone with his superiority over them, and being called a kid was a sign that they weren't impressed at all. "How old are ya now, squirt?"

"Twenty seven." 

"Probably would have been three, hah! Too young to even hold a kunai properly then." Kakashi most definitely could hold a kunai properly then, and would have been able to kill a man with it too, but the Merchant is on a roll. He gets the feeling that an interruption on that point will just make this story longer. 

"Anyway, I was comin' back from the Fire Country, just round the time that second war of yours was ending. Hard times for business, travelling anywhere was dangerous. Had my daughter with me too, starting to teach her the ropes. Enjoyed it as much as the granddaughter is, apart from I couldn't afford A-Rank then." The Merchant pauses, looks into the flames for a moment, as if lost in thoughts of his daughter, before continuing. "C-Rank it was. Thought it'd be fine, until I met them. Teenagers! All the chunins I'd had up till then were adults, but these two were my daughter's age! Fuck me, I thought, I can't trust her with looking after the house alone because she'd have boys over. I'm supposed to trust these two with our lives?" 

"Shinobi grow up fast." The Merchant blinks at the interruption, and then laughs again.

"What do ya know, that's exactly what the girl chunin said. Told me that "with greatest respect, sir", that she severely disagreed. Shinobi grew up fast, she'd been a chunin for years and was due to take her jounin exams soon after that mission. Not a child. Incredible manners, like she'd been raised by a daimyo or something, but blunt as hell. Serious and solemn too, hard to imagine her smiling about much. Very strong too, got to see that later. Kind of plain looking on first glance but the kind of gal that could grow on ya, ya know? Well, not on me, too young. The boy on the other hand, told me that he'd be perfectly happy to stay at home if I didn't want him. Got a telling-off from the boss right there for that. Didn't take anything seriously, always cracking jokes and trying to slack off. Turned out to be talented under that, just lazy as hell. You know the sort." 

"Yeah." 

"Turned up on the mission anyway, by some miracle. I wasn't sure 'bout them but it was too late to change it. My daughter was interested for about a minute, until she realised the girl wasn't interested in gossip and the boy made fun of her. Got daggers from her for most of the trip, I think she hoped for some sort of fancy man who'd swoop her away from her boring life. No chance with those two. God knows if she's thinking the same nonsense." He gestures over to his granddaughter, who's so deeply asleep she's snoring, and it makes Kakashi feel as awkward as all discussions about teenage girls' feelings for boys do. 

"They grow out of it, don't they?" Oh, he hopes they do, for Sakura's sake, and his uncertain response makes the Merchant give him a look.

"Bit of advice for ya, then, since ya sound like a man who needs it. For God's sake, don't try to meddle with a teenage girl's love life. It'll only make it worse, believe me. They'll always pick some idiot that'll break their heart, refuse to listen to ya and then get their hearts broken. Been there, tried to stop my daughter, didn't work. They'll recover, can help them with that, but it's horrible to watch." 

"Right." With Sakura it's probably too late for him to do any good, considering how Sasuke left, but maybe he help her recover from it. Something to do when he gets back to Konoha, if he can see her with how ragged Tsunade is running her. Maybe he could do some strength training with her? She wants to be stronger too, he can help her with that. Something to help her in the future, whatever she chooses next. 

"So, we travelled. The girl was doing her best, dead serious about it, and the boy wouldn't stop messing 'round. Ended up with him at the front of the party, scouting ahead to make him actually do his work, and her at the back. Turned out to be unfortunate timing, because half an hour later a group of ninjas ran straight into the rear of us, fleeing from another battle. Immediately attacked because they thought we were the enemy. Would have been a blood bath if it wasn't for the girl, she managed to single-handedly stop them from reaching the rest of us." The Merchant pauses again, and this time it's obvious he's thinking about what happened from how serious his expression is. 

"She was incredible, her chakra was so finely controlled. I never saw anyone split the earth like she did. But she nearly died in the process. She made it look so easy, that with her stoic nature, we didn't realise how badly injured she was. The boy showed up just in time to finish them off before they killed her. Took him less than a minute, he just drowned them. I still don't understand quite how he did it. He was just like water, from calm and still to fierce and raging, lethal in an instant. He knew straight off how bad she was too, carried her all the way back. The only sign of any pain from her was an occasional wince." He rubs his face, like he's just seen it all again. 

"It was humblin' after my complaints about their age. My daughter though, she was more than humbled, she was in shock. The girl was only a few months older than her. Kicked the attitude right out of her, she started to grow up then. No other trouble after that, we were lucky. The boy wouldn't let us check on her, said we were too inexperienced, and shut himself up with her as soon as we got to my house. The house had thin walls. While he did patch her up much better than we could have, there were...well, other things that happened too." The merchant pauses again, and then pulls a face, like this particular memory is a bit distasteful. Kakashi can guess what he's referring to. It is staggeringly unprofessional to have sex while on a mission in a client's house, but, well, teenagers. It's the kind of thing that happens, especially after a near-death experience. 

"Despite my advice to ya, Kakashi-san, I would have intervened if it was my daughter. But they were both adults, despite their age, and she nearly died for us. All things considered, wasn't my place to intervene. God knows what happened to them. The next day the girl kept giving him these longing looks, when he couldn't see it. Pretty clear what her thoughts were, but he was impossible to read again. Like trying to see what's lurking in the sea under its calm from the shore. Sound familiar to ya at all?"

"What were their names?" Without names he doesn't stand a chance of recognising them, neither sound familiar to him. Wrong generation, part of that one between his parents and him. That generation that the Third War wiped out. 

"Worst part of getting old is not remembering names. I can't recall them now, even when I'm trying. The girl was related to some big family, or something like that. He teased her for it. Damned if I can remember their name, though."

"The Uchihas?" The Merchant waves his hand, dismissing the suggestion.

"No, not that one. Nothing fancy about her eyes, they were just big brown ones. Ah, I can see their faces still, but the names are gone."

"Sorry, I don't recognise them at all." The Merchant leans back with a sigh and scratches his head. 

"Don't worry 'bout it. I've asked a couple of times now and nobody knew them. Probably too old for ya. Who knows, maybe they ended up retired and happy together. Nice thought, when you're a sentimental old fart. Anyway, that's why I trust ya to keep your word when you say you ain't about to betray me. Your village's proved to me they can be trusted before, hope to keep that trust going. Sorry for boring ya with a long story, but it's a privilege for us old men, to tell boring stories about the past." The Merchant gets up from beside the fire and goes back to his futon, offering Kakashi a quiet "good night" before he gets back in. After a couple of minutes, he's snoring just like his granddaughter. Kakashi knows he should be thinking about sleep too. 

He rolls out his futon, kicks his sandals off before getting into his futon, and looks up at the night sky, his hands behind his head. What's Tenzo doing right now? Kakashi can probably guess, knowing that he's on a mission, but he still wonders anyway. Is he thinking of him, between the waiting, the chase, the killing? I am thinking of you, he thinks to Tenzo, knowing he can't hear it but wanting to anyway. Hoping that Tenzo feels it, somehow. If they'd been normal chunins, normal people, passing the exams as teenagers, maybe that story could have happened to them too. If Tenzo nearly died like that, he knows he'd do anything to rescue him, just like that boy did. He has done anything, faced down the whole of Root, would have fought every single one of them. He would have rescued anyone, but he thinks of Tenzo's face when he pulled him out of that chair, still called Kinoe then but always Tenzo to him now, and it makes his heart aches.

Oh, he loves Tenzo. He loves him so much that any old story, even a completely unrelated one, makes him think of Tenzo. He can imagine how it could be, patching Tenzo up in someone's house after going all-out to protect them. Tenzo looks up at him, matching his eyes, time slowing down as Tenzo reaches up, shyly, then pulls him in for a kiss, on top of him, too glad to be alive to let his fear of rejection stop him. Kakashi can feel his cheeks flush from the realisation of how much he loves him, but it feels right, it is right, names or no names.


	27. Part Three: Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so, did you know I like mokuton? And wisteria? And wanted a reason to use it for romantic purposes during smut? This chapter is about that. It's also about giving Kakashi a holiday after the end of the first part of the series, during the time-skip.

"He seemed sad?"

"Yes, Captain. I know it is not my place to comment on it, and I apologise for that, but as Kakashi-senpai is someone we all respect so much, I felt that perhaps delicacy was less important than helping him." Tenzo sighs softly, looks at the back of his locker like it'd have an answer, but it's blank as always. 

"I won't worry so much about delicacy. Kakashi-senpai doesn't care about it at all." He looks at the ANBU as he shuts the door of his locker, and she meets his eyes earnestly. If he hadn't been on a mission with her, seen her prove herself to be a perfectly capable assassin, he'd have doubts about her suitability for this. As it is, he just wonders how long it'll take for the job to wear down on her currently impeccable and highly formal manners. "Anything else I should know?" She pauses for a moment, thinking it over and then looking a little embarrassed as her eyes look at the ground instead of at him.

"I cannot confirm it for certain, but I believe he was looking for you in our team. He seemed disappointed that you were not there, Captain." He looks away too as she says it. He understands why she's so embarrassed to say it and not wanting to add to it. By now their relationship is common knowledge, has been for years in ANBU, but hearing someone tell him Kakashi was looking for him, was disappointed he wasn't there, still feels strange. After these years he should be used to the idea that Kakashi thinks of him when he's not around, but he still wonders sometimes if he's the one more invested in this.

"Thank you for telling me. I'll sort something out." The ANBU bows to him before departing, leaving him to wonder how exactly he'll sort this out, now that he's said he will. She's not the first person to be concerned by Kakashi's behaviour since the break-up of Team 7, and she probably won't be the last. He's tried to talk to him about it, but Kakashi refuses to engage. He insists he's fine when he's clearly not, and then swerves the topic if he presses it. He's not convinced, he knows Kakashi feels failure in an intensely personal way, more than he does. He was so invested in his team, so invested in trying to turn Sasuke to better ends and then Sasuke abandoned the village for the enemy.. He's certain that Kakashi is hurting badly from it. 

Of course, he can't force Kakashi to talk about it if he doesn't want to. So what now? As he walks home, he tries to think of what else he can do. He's been dropping by Kakashi's place much more regularly, on the occasions when Kakashi doesn't show up at his place when he's in Konoha, trying to stop him being on his own too much. Guy's been keeping an eye on him too. While he's never really understood their relationship, has always tended to just leave the two of them to it, he understands that Guy is a force for good, and someone who Kakashi can rely on. But that's not enough, if he's still depressed enough that complete strangers are commenting on it to him. He sighs as he rubs his face. He's tired, he's worried, he really needs a break. 

"Ah!" The idea when it comes to him, just outside his apartment block, is so obvious he can't believe he didn't think of it before. Of course! A break, a trip to somewhere outside of Konoha. A chance for both of them to rest from the relentless pace of missions when they're so short-staffed. A change of environment that might get Kakashi to think about something else, if only for a while. Something relaxing, and it might make him an old man but an onsen sounds ideal. He's so deep in thought that he drops his keys, only just catches them before they hit the ground and he unlocks the door. 

"I'm home." 

"Welcome home." The reply is casual, lazy, definitely sounds like it's coming from Kakashi while he's sprawled out on the couch with a book. Despite that, despite the fact that Kakashi finally has his own key now so it's not a surprise he's here, it still sends warmth causing through him. 'Welcome home'. It's not something Tenzo can take for granted, even now. A home with people to return to.

He kicks his sandals off and walks into the living room, finding Kakashi sprawled out on the couch with a book like he expected, although with the addition of Biscuit, fast asleep on Kakashi's legs that he failed to add to his mental image. He looks comfortable, like he's been here for hours though it's possible it's been five minutes since he came in. As he goes over he gets a greeting from Biscuit, who nearly drifts straight back to sleep after he strokes his head.  
He leans in to kiss Kakashi, pulling down his mask with a snap that makes Kakashi go "ow" before he kisses him with a definite hint of amusement. Kakashi doesn't look amused by it, but he leans into the kiss anyway. It suggests that for all the warnings he's getting from strangers, he's in a good enough mood now to start working up to the invite. Ease into it, give Kakashi enough time to think about it, make him more likely to agree.

"If I was going to an onsen, where should I go?"

"We should go to one of the famous inns in the mountains village and stay there for a few days." He should know better, should expect Kakashi to decide instantly after he's prepared to talk him into it, but he didn't. Kakashi deciding so quickly that he's coming and where they're going throws him off, and the sweet talking comes out as disbelief instead.

"Really? You want to come?" 

"What, you don't want me to come?" Kakashi gives him a frown, that might look serious if it went to his eyes, but they look amused. 

"No, it's not that! I just didn't expect you to agree so quickly."

"Hmm, well. It's an old man holiday. But I'm an old man now, so let's do it. Ask the boss for leave tomorrow."

When Kakashi puts it like that, it sounds so simple. But the next day, as he waits for the Fifth to finish signing off an order in her office, he looks at the piles that are even more numerous than the day before and he wonders how badly it's going to hit his odds of getting time off. Tsunade signs the order off with a flourish, slides it across the table so fast it nearly falls off it. The waiting chunin grabs it and nearly sprints out the room with the order, only remembering to bow when he's half-way through the door. Tsunade looks disgruntled by his rudeness, raises her hands in confusion and disgust to say "what was that" and Tenzo feels his chance of getting leave slipping away. 

"Just because we're busy, doesn't mean you can't say thank you! Shizune, write him up for it." Shizune looks at the Fifth in despair at her suggestion, and Tenzo is glad he's wearing his mask so they can't see his long-suffering expression.

"Ma'am, I really don't think you should do that." Tsunade lets out a noise of disgust, dropping her hand and leaning back in her seat as she does. 

"Oh, fine, I won't. Tenzo, what is it?" He gives her a bow, which gives him a moment to compose himself before taking the mask off. 

"I want to request some leave, ma'am." 

"Oh! Tenzo asking for leave, I never thought I'd see the day. Ah, I wish I could have some time off. Where are you going?" 

"An onsen." The Fifth sighs wistfully, looks over at Shizune who looks vaguely uncomfortable, like she's being personally accused of causing her to not be able to take time off. 

"I wish I was going to an onsen. As long as there was a casino next door, of course. What's a vacation without gambling? Anyway, your request is granted. Make sure you treat Kakashi nicely, you both need a break and I'm sick of seeing him moping around the village. I don't want to see either of you back for three days." Tenzo bows again, mostly to try to hide the slight redness in his cheeks at being caught so easily. 

"Thank you, ma'am." Tsunade laughs, gives him a sly look in response.

"If you're wondering how I knew, I'm the Hokage, Tenzo! I know everything that's going on in the village, nothing gets past me. That and Kakashi showed up first thing this morning and demanded leave for both of you. He said you're paying for everything. That's very generous of you." Tenzo feels his face going bright red as he looks down, a mixture of embarrassment and rage coursing through him. Oh, he's going to hunt Kakashi down and kill him. He manages to give another bow calmly, as if he's not considering how he'll injure Kakashi when he next sees him, and excuses himself, much to Tsunade's amusement. 

He steps out of the office, and as if he's called him, Kakashi is waiting outside. Kakashi looks surprised to see him, before his eye curves into a smile that makes him narrow his eyes at him. 

"Oh, Tenzo. I'm just here to collect a mission. Were you just asking for your leave? I already did that for us." Tenzo can't tell if it's intentional or not, if it was a set-up to make him look like an idiot. He puts his hands on Kakashi's shoulders before dropping his head for a moment. 

"Why are you like this?"

"Hah, like what? I'm just happy to go somewhere with you." It's impossible to tell if Kakashi is messing with him on purpose by being simultaneously highly annoying and weirdly charming, and it makes his face go even redder. Kakashi is beaming under his mask, he's certain, which could mean anything. He ducks away from Tenzo's hands, under his arms to get away and into the office. "Hang in there, Tenzo." 

"I wouldn't need to if you-" It's too late, the door shuts and he lets out a sigh. Still, if Kakashi's in a good enough mood to be teasing him, that's a positive sign, right?

* * *

The wait outside the cemetery makes him fidgety, for all his experience of waiting. His eyes look up to the few clouds drifting through the sky, pale pink from the dawn light. He knew Kakashi would want to come here before going, that's why he chose it as his meeting point, and he's reluctant to disturb him despite his fidgeting. Tenzo doesn't understand why Kakashi does it, considering how heavily their deaths still weigh on him without needing to visit their graves as a reminder. It seems excessively morbid, but it's not his place to interfere. Everyone copes differently, and his dead live on his own memory, in his own power too. He doesn't need the physical reminder of their former presence, isn't even sure where most of their graves are, if they have them. 

There's footsteps behind him and he tilts his head, looks over to his shoulder to see Kakashi coming over. Kakashi nods as they make eye contact, a sign that makes Tenzo put his pack back on before they both start walking. They're quiet as they walk out of the village, Kakashi still thinking of the dead and Tenzo thinking of the journey ahead, when they surprise a charm of magpies, who take off with cackles of complaint into the air. The noise knocks them both out of their thoughts and they look at each other before laughing. 

"Is that bad luck?" Kakashi shrugs, looks unphased by the mention of bad luck. 

"Only if you have anything shiny they'll come back for." It starts them talking as they walk, taking their time, no rushing for a mission. Tenzo starts to see more, the little details that get lost in his usual monitoring for threats and signs of enemies. Like unusual pillars, strange windows and brackets, and an ancient house that sticks out like a sore thumb around its modern neighbours. 

"It's incredible, most houses like that are lost now. When they rebuilt them after storms, people went for the more modern style - ah." The confused look on Kakashi's face makes him suddenly self-conscious, trailing off. He must be boring him, he knows Kakashi's thoughts about architecture go as far as "will it stay up and keep water out?" and no further. 

"Ah? Go on, tell me more." 

"Aren't I boring you?" There's a casual shrug again, he doesn't even move his hands out of his pockets to make it. 

"No. I have no idea what you're talking about, but keep going." His first instinct is to second-guess, but then Kakashi, man of no social niceties when people are boring him, raises an eyebrow and motions his head to indicate he should continue. So Tenzo does.

"It's the roof that's really unusual, the shape's common here to stop the snow building up on the roof, but using grass for it…" They go further into the mountains, the forest becomes quieter, thicker, colder. Tenzo's commentary stops as the buildings vanish and they're alone in the forest, the only humans on this mountain path. There's still mist at this height, the gravel is slippery from it and Tenzo's foot slides on it on an awkward step. He catches his footing just as Kakashi's hand shoots out to grab him and haul him fully upright without even looking at him. 

"Impressive." Embarrassing to get caught out by it, but Kakashi's reactions are as fast as ever and he gives Tenzo a smile in response.

"Can't have you injuring your ass before we get there." His response is a snort of laughter as Kakashi's hand moves from his arm to his hand instead. There's no need for Kakashi to hold his hand, he's stable enough now, but up here it's deserted, so there's no need for him to let go either. Kakashi's hand is as cold as always, and Tenzo interlace his fingers with his to warm it up.

"Why, do you have plans for it?" 

"You'll just have to wait and see." 

"Can you at least warm your hands up first then before you do anything? They're freezing."

"That's just because yours are freakishly hot. Mine are normal temperature." 

"They're really not. Is there actually any blood in them?" Despite the teasing, he doesn't let go of Kakashi's hand as they walk, up through the mountains and to the town. Kakashi manages to pick the most expensive inn in the whole town when they arrive, making both him and his wallet wince. The idea of a private onsen eventually wins him over too and they take the room. He'll just have to live on instant ramen for the next month.

"There's nothing concealed behind the cupboards." 

"Right. How about the ceiling?" Tenzo lets Kakashi get on with checking the room while he brews the tea for them at the table. He idly picks up the local snack provided, sliced dried apple, and tries a bite of it as Kakashi stretches up to tap on the ceiling. The way his undershirt rides up, showing a pale sliver of skin peeking out makes him pause in his chewing and Kakashi glances over, knowingly and a little smug, before focusing on the ceiling again. 

"Ceiling's fine." The undershirt riding up was probably accidental, but Kakashi getting on his hands and knees to check the floorboards by the sliding door outside isn't and Tenzo clicks his tongue at the way Kakashi's ass is pointing directly at him. Not that it stops him from looking as he pours the tea, but he knows exactly what Kakashi is doing. "So's the floor. How's the view?" 

"Stop being so smug and drink your tea." Kakashi laughs but he gets up, scoots across to join Tenzo on the tatami and takes his cup. "The view's nice." 

"Thanks. What's that?" Tenzo offers him a piece of dried apple, which Kakashi picks up suspiciously and takes a close look at as he tugs down his mask. He takes one bite before pulling a face. "Too sweet. Here, open your mouth." Tenzo opens his mouth without hesitation as Kakashi moves his thumb to brush along his bottom lip, before dropping the apple slice into it. As he eats it Kakashi's thumb lingers on the corner of his lip, a hint that Tenzo takes when he's done and kisses Kakashi. 

Kakashi pulls back after a moment and pulls a face. 

"Ugh, you taste like that apple." 

"You're such a brat." That statement is nearly followed by the sigh, but it stops in his inhale when he sees the smile on Kakashi's face. Completely up to no good, intentionally being a brat. It's charming, heavens help him. Tenzo rests his elbow on the table instead and watches him as Kakashi starts taking his happuri off for him. 

The change is noticeable, now he's finally seeing it. Kakashi is present, fully present, for the first time in weeks. There's some part of him that's been detached, distant, even further away in the past than usual, but right now he's actually here. Tenzo sees it in his eyes as they meet his, they're looking right at him, not sideways or seeing something else, somewhere else. There's a moment of hesitation, then Kakashi pulls himself into Tenzo's lap and knocks the cups over with his elbow in the process. Tenzo manages to grab one with a startled noise, his reflexes just fast enough but the other rolls onto the floor and spills tea across the table as it does. Kakashi pauses in kissing him to look at the mess and laughs at it. 

"Wow, five minutes and you're trashing the place already." 

"I'm trashing it? You're the one sending everything flying." His teasing tone matches the way his hands move to slide up Kakashi's undershirt, pulling it up and then over his head. Kakashi makes a confused noise but rolls with it, letting Tenzo pull him in closer. The warmth of Kakashi's skin is enticing as he slides his arms around him, links his hands up to rest on the small of Kakashi's back. He runs through the signs behind Kakashi's back, the beams bursts out from his shoulders and lifts the shirt's taken off to use as a rag to wipe up the mess, without having to let go of Kakashi at all. 

"Mm, would the First approve of using it for that?"

"Have you read any of his work? He definitely used it to clean up messes hands-free. Probably did it while juggling trees and defeating Uchiha Madara at the same time." Kakashi snorts in laughter before leaning in to kiss him again. Tenzo slides his hands up Kakashi's ribs as the beams drop the shirt on the table and retreat. One pauses, brushes against Kakashi's back. Tenzo feels it like another limb for a moment, a forearm, nothing as complex as a hand, touching Kakashi too before Kakashi pulls back from kissing him.

"Can you feel it?"

"A little, when I focus on it." Rarely in the heat of battle, sometimes when using it at home, nearly always when they touch Kakashi. Kakashi hums in response and reaches around to touch the beam curiously. He brushes his fingers over it and his eyes watch Tenzo's face as he does. He can feel his fingers a little, but it's not like when Kakashi touches the rest of him and his lack of reaction makes Kakashi sigh. "Sorry." 

"Ah, I'm kinda disappointed. Show me something else." 

"Like?"

"Show me something I've not seen." That's a big ask, considering how many missions they've been on together. It's also a little bratty, but there's curiosity in his voice too. It makes him think for a moment of what to show him. The cherry blossom reminds him too much of things he wants to leave in the past, he doesn't want to bring his own shadows out while trying to lighten Kakashi's. Instead he leans in against Kakashi's shoulder, arms still wrapped around him, and goes through the signs again as the last beam retreats. His thoughts are focused on the lightness of the flowers, of curling branches, of purple petals as he feels the branches burst out of his back.  
Kakashi leans back in his arms, looks up as the flowers start to burst and bloom above him, growing down and brushing against his silver hair. When they reach his cheeks he touches it gently, traces a finger along the stem to the flowers. 

"Isn't this the wrong time of year for wisteria?"

"Late blossoming. Embrace it." The weight of the flowers on the branches pull it down, the trailing end of a flower skim over and settles in Tenzo's hair. One flower sheds a petal, it falls onto Kakashi's nose. He wriggles his nose but it sticks to it determinedly.

"Ah. You did that on purpose."

"No, I can't control them like that." He picks the petal off Kakashi's nose, but another petal sheds into his hair as he does and he leaves it there. The contrast between the purple and silver is striking, it'd be a shame to remove it. 

"Liar. You're half plant, they're your friends." 

"Mmm." Tenzo doesn't deny being half plant - he's not but he might as well be considering how mokuton works - and he kisses down Kakashi's neck instead, resting his lips on his collarbone. He starts to tip forward as Kakashi pulls him in closer. The slow slide down onto the tatami is gentle but it makes the wisteria shed even more petals on them. The shade from the flowers makes patterns ripple over Kakashi's skin, the petals bright against the pale skin. One falls right onto his beauty mark, he always wants to kiss Kakashi there when he sees it, and he wonders if Kakashi is right, he can control them from the way their petals are shedding over his favourite spots.

"Tenzo, you're making a mess again." 

"Do you want me to stop?" Tenzo looks up to meet his eyes, there's no suggestion that he wants him to stop the mokuton, just amusement and some fondness too.

"No, I like it. Makes it feel like we're fucking outside." 

"Oh, nostalgic." Tenzo grins at the memories it brings back, being reckless on dangerous missions because they couldn't control themselves. He reaches down to run a finger down Kakashi's chest, tracing his way through the stray petals on his skin. Kakashi takes a sharp breath, that petal still resting on his chin. Tenzo leans over, brushes it off with his lips before kissing the beauty mark and then his lips. He's slow, careful, works his way into Kakashi's mouth with a press of his tongue, shifting as Kakashi threads fingers in his hair and then directs his angle in his typical, pushy way. But he lets him in, Tenzo sinks into his mouth as his tongue explores. By the time they pull apart they're both flushed, Kakashi's mouth is a dark pink, nearly red as the shadows of the wisteria ripples over him. 

The sun's still bright through the windows, not yet dipping down. It feels like they have all the time in the world. They don't, they never do, but they have this at least. Kakashi is watching him, breathing a little faster as Tenzo's hands reach down and pull at his waistband. He takes them off slowly, savours unpeeling Kakashi and revealing him, and by the time they're down to his thighs, Kakashi is half-hard and blushing furiously from the way he's watching him. It's almost hard to see him being so cute, suddenly self-conscious as if he doesn't have the only body he's ever wanted. 

"What?" The challenge in his voice doesn't intimidate Tenzo anymore, doesn't snap him out of his thoughts, no matter how accusatory it sounds. It makes him finish pulling off Kakashi's clothes instead, before pausing to drink him in.

"You're beautiful." His blush gets even redder at Tenzo's words, it'd make him laugh if he wasn't so serious about it. Kakashi is the most beautiful person he's ever seen. Kakashi's hand goes to his undershirt, hikes it up since it's hard to get it off with the branches, and then rests on his stomach as he works his trousers off. Kakashi is watching him too, just as closely as he was, and it's flattering, even if he's not much to look at in comparison. Kakashi's hand moves up his chest, lingers on his scars as he kicks his trousers off, then reaches up to pick something off him. 

"See, everywhere." He flicks the petal off his finger, or tries to, it sticks to his skin and it makes Tenzo snort with laughter as he tries again, until it finally flies off.

"It liked you." Kakashi shrugs and then pulls Tenzo down for a kiss, scattering more petals as they drop off his shoulders and from his hair. Tenzo moves his hands to caress Kakashi's thighs, and they fall open in welcome as he brushes over the sensitive, soft skin of his inner thighs. Their softness goes right to his cock, triggers so many memories of Kakashi's thighs wrapped around him, rocking his hips as he fucks into him, asking him for more. His hands linger on Kakashi's thighs, caressing them and making him shiver before sliding his hands towards his cock. Despite the push of Kakashi's hips, demanding immediate attention, Tenzo lets his hands dip lower. He brushes over his cock, not giving it the attention Kakashi wants, impatient as always, before lazily caressing his balls and pressing on the sensitive skin right behind them. Kakashi jerks and his back curves off the tatami, scattering more petals off him, with a groan before dropping back with a furious blush.

"Don't tease me." It'd be more threatening with less heat in it, more breath and less want. Tenzo kisses along his neck instead of taking it seriously.

"Relax, I'll fuck you." Kakashi shifts his thighs under him, then lifts them to wrap around his waist and pulls him in with a jerk, tight around him and trapping his hands. The move is demanding, sends a spike of lust through Tenzo as his cock rubs up against Kakashi's abs. Kakashi being so desperate for him that he pushes him around, pulls him wherever he wants, gets him too and he sighs, a little frustrated but heated too from Kakashi taking charge again. The sigh makes Kakashi grin before he presses up against him, rubs their cocks together with enthusiasm. 

"Hey, Tenzo. Try me down there." Tenzo shifts his hands, moves down lower to press carefully with a finger on the rim and finds that Kakashi is already wet, prepared, ready for him, and he startles, then flushes at the image it draws up. Oh, when did he do that? When did Kakashi go finger himself so he'd be ready for his cock as soon as they got in? The thought makes his cock twitch and Kakashi looks smug, if flushed with it. 

"New jutsu."

"What, seriously? Don't waste your chakra on stupid stuff like that."

"Not stupid when it makes you hard, Tenzo." Kakashi's face is going red but there's a lascivious look in his eye. It's really, ridiculously sexy even if Tenzo knows he probably got the idea from those stupid books. "You like it?" 

"...Yes." Kakashi looks even more smug, right until Tenzo pushes a finger inside him to try it out and he lets out a little heated gasp. "Did you have to use your fingers too? It feels like it, you're so relaxed."

"Yeah, still working on that part." His voice is even more breathless as Tenzo presses his finger deeper inside him. He's so relaxed he doesn't need to be this careful, but the hitch in Kakashi's breath makes it worth taking his time.

"I think using your own fingers is even better, I like you touching yourself to get ready for me." Kakashi shuts his eyes at that, somehow embarrassed (how??) by it but when Kakashi is this hard against him, how ready he is for his cock, Tenzo isn't worried by it. He leans in, kisses his cheek before brushing a few more petals off his face. The rate they're shedding at now is ridiculous, he glances up above him, sees that they're still in full bloom despite how many petals they've lost. Are they still growing, replacing whatever falls off instantly? His distraction makes Kakashi look up too, the blush still hot on his face as the shadows of the wisteria ripple across it. 

"That's more chakra than I used for that, by the way." 

"Probably. It's fine, I can keep it up." It's not a waste when it's created a mood like this, and damned if he's going to lose the sight of Kakashi laid out for him and covered in flowers. Tenzo pulls his fingers out and pulls up Kakashi's hips, drawing attention back to what else he can keep up. Kakashi wriggles against him like he can't wait for it. 

Tenzo doesn't need to lube himself up to push inside him, he's slick, wet and warm around his cock as he slides in easily, so willing and welcome. Kakashi lets out a tiny moan, his hands going to Tenzo's back and blinks when he finds the branches there, like Tenzo's cock filling him up made him forget about anything else. Then he laughs, a little breathless laugh that's as cute as hell, even if what he comes out with is a terrible, terrible joke.

"Ha. You've got wood." 

"Kakashi..." Kakashi laughs again despite himself, shifts his hands to touch Tenzo's skin instead of the branches. 

"Sorry. Heh. Keep going." Kakashi squeezes around his cock, startling a groan out of him as he pushes all the way in, filling him up to the hilt. Kakashi shifts, wriggles around him before he thrusts and makes him stop as he brushes near that spot. Tenzo knows he's not quite hitting it, not the same freeze and then desperate, moaning squirming he gets when he hits Kakashi's prostate straight on. Not yet, doesn't want this to be over so fast when Kakashi is so hot around him, fucks into him slowly instead. 

Kakashi's face, as he brushes against it, so lost, dazzled and wanting, smartassery gone, makes his cock throb and he stares as he speeds up his thrusts. He fucks him a little harder, and then a lot harder as Kakashi tightens up around him. Tenzo wants to draw it out, but Kakashi's fingers are digging into his back and he uses his secret weapon.

"Tenzo, please, Tenzo, oh, _please_." He swears under his breath, Kakashi begging makes him ache, both in his dick and in his heart, and he follows his pleas. Tenzo pulls his hips up, fucks right into his prostate as Kakashi tenses, flops back, pushes his hips to meet him before coming silently and furiously, all over him. The sight is mind-blowing, and it pushes Tenzo over. It makes him come with a gasp as he keeps thrusting inside Kakashi, even as he whines from how sensitive he is. He's too amped to stop until he's ridden it all out and he pulls out of Kakashi. He's too dazed to pull back fully, lies on top of Kakashi, head resting on his chest as he catches his breath. When he comes back down he finds Kakashi's fingers in his hair, idly running through it. He glances up, and Kakashi is...

Kakashi is thinking. He recognises that it's serious thinking, the way he does on missions, not when he's about to palm off something he doesn't want to do onto him. Kakashi blinks, looks down at him when he realises he's being watched, and smiles, suddenly present in the moment again. 

"Maa, how many more petals are you going to shed?" Kakashi takes his hand out of his hair, shows him it's covered in petals, and Tenzo blushes. "You're really making a mess." That makes Kakashi look down, and see the cum on their chests. If the petals get stuck to that, it'll make that mess even worse. 

"Shower?" 

"Shower. Then the onsen." He should get up but it's hard to move, the shadows from the leaves and flowers are still flitting across Kakashi's face. The purple in his hair, little dots of it scattered amongst the silver, makes his heart ache. He's not tried this sort of thing with mokuton before. Whenever he's used it for flowering trees it's always been brief, fleeting, not a proper, prolong blooming like this. Not since the first time. Tenzo's feelings don't usually leak into mokuton, he learned early to restrain them. Strong emotions leaking into mokuton made it unpredictable, go haywire, overwhelm him and made it potentially deadly for him and anyone nearby. But this isn't like the haywire mokuton of his first year of using it, bursting out of him with all his fear and confusion. It's calm, stable, maybe a little over-productive but not taking over. 

"Tenzo?" Kakashi's voice snaps him out of his thoughts, slightly concerned. 

"Ah, sorry. I was just thinking. I've never done this with mokuton before." He gestures up to the wisteria, still flourishing from his back. "I guess I was always worried it'd be like when it would try to overwhelm me as a kid if I let it free to grow for too long."  


"Is it?" Kakashi sounds more concerned by that, looks suspiciously at the wisteria, and it makes him laugh. 

"No, it's a bit excited to be growing but not like that. It's respectful." It's properly part of him now. Like the Fifth said, it's different from the First's but not that different. It's not about to go haywire at the first sign of strong emotion, despite how strongly he feels right now. He's sure his love for Kakashi is powering this particular blooming, explains the raw power behind it, and to see it's still with him, not fighting him on it, is reassuring. Tenzo slides up off Kakashi, lets the branches retreat back into his back with a silent thanks to them, before pulling Kakashi back up onto his feet. 

The petals are scattered everywhere, haven't vanished with mokuton. They look at each other, shrug and then go to shower anyway. They can clean it up later. He finishes first, offers to wash Kakashi off but gets waved off, told to go ahead and let him join him later in the hot spring outside. It's the perfect temperature as he steps in. It makes every tired muscle in his body relax, makes him sigh as he dips under the water. He watches the passing clouds, the sun starting to dip in the horizon, lets his mind empty out and think of nothing in particular until Kakashi comes to join him. 

As Kakashi gets in, a few stray petals, determined enough to survive the shower, come off him as he sinks into the water. They float along the surface, as temporary as the bubbles bursting through the water. Kakashi lets out a sigh, sinks in even deeper until only his eye is showing, before reemerging, flushed by the hot water. The water's just the right temperature, comfortable for now, relaxing. Kakashi reaches across for the bucket with his right hand and Tenzo watches despite knowing how strangely self-conscious Kakashi is about his hands. He doesn't understand why. He's looked at, felt them enough to know that they're strong, slender, elegant and unexpectedly soft, for a shinobi. He loves his hands. 

Kakashi catches him looking, flushes, and then splashes him with water, aimed right at his eyes to stop him looking. He's used to it enough to shut his eyes before it hits him, but then he feels Kakashi move up closer to him. When he opens them again, Kakashi is sitting right next to him. He's still flushed but there's a soft smile on his face too as their eyes meet. 

"Hey, Tenzo. I love you. More than anyone. Sorry to make you wait so long." He freezes, his heart feels like it's constricted, his tongue suddenly too big for his mouth to make any words with, not expecting to find his own feelings returned so clearly. Kakashi doesn't seem bothered by it. Instead he pulls him into his arms, tightly, holds him like he won't ever let go. "I love you." 

"Senpai, I-" 

"Senpai? I startled you that much with it, huh? I really am trash to make you wait like that. Sorry, Tenzo." 

"No, it's not like that. It's just...I love you too."

"Ah. I thought so. Thank you."


	28. Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, for a soulmates AU there hasn't been much about that since Part One. This part? This is where it comes back in. Enjoy.

_Clear and loud_  
_As the night call_  
_Of a man of Haya,_  
_I told you my name._  
_Trust me as your wife._  
Hitomaro Hakashuu

Part Four: The Reveal

Naruto is nearly beating down his door in his excitement to see him. It'd be flattering, if he wasn't so concerned about having to replace it.

"Kakashi-sensei! Let's go, let's go!" Naruto don't waste any time once he's opened the door either. Kakashi sighs, both at the enthusiasm and the disappointment that's about to follow it.

"Usually you start a conversation by saying ‘hello'. I thought it was Sai who needed to learn all this stuff, not you." That makes Naruto pouts, but stops him for long enough to get him inside before he starts deafening the neighbours. 

"Hi! C'mon, it's time to start the training, you're out of hospital, I don't have a mission today, let's gooo!" Naruto is almost bouncing in excitement, it's barely contained, and Kakashi suddenly feels sympathetic to Jiraya for dealing with this every day for nearly three years. It's a lot, though highly preferable to how upset Naruto was when they came back from the Tenchi Bridge mission without Sasuke. He suspected it wasn't going to be that easy, but he had hoped, too. Naruto can do a lot of things that seem impossible, and still might make it happen.

"Sorry, Naruto. I can't start today, I'm not ready yet."

"What! You promised!" He waves a hand at Naruto in apology, because he does feel bad about it. Doesn’t mean his chakra is ready for keeping up with Naruto yet though. 

"Tomorrow, tomorrow. I need a day more to recover." Naruto pouts but there's nothing he can do about it. "Since you're not on a mission, we can start early tomorrow." That also means Tenzo won't be on one too and will be fresh and ready for the training too. That's good because without Tenzo, he can't do what he's planned. It's too dangerous. He's prepared to take risks, but after what Jiraiya, Sakura and Tenzo told him about Naruto gaining four tails? There is no way he's doing this without some way to control it. Even if Tenzo has sealed it for now.

"Anyway, if you want to stay a while, you can. I feel like I've hardly seen you recently." He hasn't, and he's still not quite used to how much Naruto has grown in his time away. Though he's still a hot-headed loud mouth, a fact Kakashi wouldn't have expected to grow on him but has. The offer immediately perks Naruto up, and he starts to get a long flow of stories that all mesh into each other, a mixture of who he's seen since he came back, how he argued with them and what he did with Jiraiya. He lies back on the couch, relaxes as the stories flow over him, offers his comments where they're needed, which isn't very often. Kakashi is half thinking about the training still, in case anything Naruto says gives him an idea, when he suddenly falls silent. He opens his eyes again, sits up and sees Naruto looking serious as he sits down opposite him.

"Kakashi-sensei, what do you think about destiny? Was Sasuke destined to leave? Is there something more I should have done to stop him?" His heart sinks at the questions, because it's not Naruto's fault he left. If it's anyone's fault , it's his, but Naruto is taking all the responsibility for it anyway. It's a serious question and Kakashi takes it as such, thinks it over before replying. For once Naruto is patient as he does.

"Everyone has paths they can choose, and in the end, you choose your own through your actions. You can help others on their paths, maybe even offer them a new one but they still choose their own in the end. That's their destiny." Naruto looks thoughtful, considers it. 

"Do you think you can change them?" The answer seems so obvious to him that it makes him smile. 

"Absolutely. Haven't you already changed destiny? Do you think Gaara would have ended up where he is if you weren't there to help him?" With someone else it'd seem unlikely, but the force of Naruto's personality makes it possible. Naruto can almost make Kakashi feel like that most unlikely of things: an optimist. 

"I guess." His answer's non-committal, but then his smile grows as he thinks about it. Is Naruto remembering how Gaara shook his hand when they left Suna? He hopes so. Naruto, along with Sakura and Chiyo, is responsible for Gaara surviving what should have killed him. Naruto needs to be humble but there's no harm in reminding him he can change things when he needs the reassurance, either. "Is it like the names everyone has on their hands? Some people think it can only be that person, but that's not true, is it?"

"Correct, it's not true." No fudging from him this time like he did with Sakura. It's easier when Naruto has a different goal, and he's more certain now, even if he's keeping Tenzo from his soulmate. Well, they should have shown up earlier then. Whoever had Tenzo's name on their hand slacked off and they lost out. The question does make him wonder, though. 

"Who's on your hand?" The question makes Naruto start, then rub his cheek awkwardly, a blush growing on his cheeks. It's an unfair question to spring on someone, he knows, but as his teacher he's allowed to and Kakashi never bothered to check before. 

"It's, uh, well, ero-sensei had to tell me about it. I didn't know before, and then when he asked me that, I showed him and he said that Hinata might, uh, grow up to be really big because sometimes that happens in the Hyuuga clan." Naruto is blushing heavily. Kakashi can imagine the lecture about the stacked women of the Hyuuga clan and he feels an awkward sympathy for Naruto. He wouldn't want that lecture from Jiraiya either. 

"I wanted it to be Sakura." Naruto admits, after a pause, before blustering on. "But that's okay! I'll make sure I get Sasuke back for her as well as for everyone else!" The burst of optimism, in the face of his crush having someone else's name in her heart and on her hand, suddenly, painfully, makes him feel like he's watching Obito again. Rin might have had Obito's name on her hand, but her heart was elsewhere. Her heart was for him, and Kakashi destroyed it. The symmetry is uncomfortable, distracting, so distracting that he doesn't realise he's just set himself up for real trouble until it hits him.

"So, who's on your hand, Kakashi-sensei? Is she pretty?" 

"Huh? Oh, that doesn't matter. Anyway, we should really talk about your training." He wasn't planning to discuss it further yet, but it's a feint that might get Naruto to drop it. It's easy to distract him, right? It's exactly why Kakashi normally avoids bringing the topic of soulmates up, people get too interested, and now suddenly Naruto won't be distracted.

"Hey, no fair! I told you who's on my hand!"

"Haha, it's a secret." Kakashi springs up from the couch, to make a quick get-away but Naruto is faster, grabs him with multiple shadow clones and pins him to the floor with a thump. Damn it, he's getting better at this. Naruto actually remembered to pin his wrists so he can't just substitute his way out and his chakra isn't high enough to burst his way out easily. Kakashi feels Naruto pull his glove off, starting with his left hand - oh, does the idiot not even remember his dominant hand? He'd be offended if he didn't have bigger problems. Then he goes for the right as he manages to get up enough to dispel one clone before Naruto lets out a cheer.

"I can see it! Wait, what the hell, I can't read that." Kakashi elbows the rest of Naruto's clones off him as they dispel into puffs of smoke, before pulling his hand out of Naruto's grip. He pulls it close to his chest, embarrassed to have been ambushed successfully by Naruto, and annoyed that he's being forced to reveal something that he managed to keep relatively secret until now. He's going to have to tell Naruto, if he wants any sort of peace in his life after this, and once Naruto knows, it will never be a secret again. Within the day the entirety of Konoha will know, and possibly half of Suna too. Although with Tenzo in his life, it bothers him less than it did when he was younger. Embarrassing, yes, he'll get a lot of stupid questions about it, but it's not the disaster it would have been once.

"That's because I don't have-" He looks at his hand and freezes. 

There's a name on his right hand. Right on the same spot where his father had his mother's name, there is a name. Same kind of silvery characters, nearly blending into his pale skin, but definitely a name. His heart jumps into his mouth. After twenty nine years of nothing, blank skin, he knows it was blank, the fact it was kept his parents up at night when he was born as much as his crying, a blank space he hated until he realised it might mean nothing, or possibly might even be a blessing, there is it. There's a name. 

"Kakashi-sensei?"

The name is _Yamato_. He covers his mouth with his left hand, stares at the name, doesn't even notice that Naruto is still in the room. It can't be. There's no way, it just doesn't happen. Nobody is supposed to be born without a name, it's true, but he was, and you can't just get one out of nowhere. It can't be. 

Has he ever looked at Tenzo's right hand? All the times it's touched him, he's held it, passed weapons, chopsticks, fruit, a watering can into it. All the times he used his right hand to warm up his kunai, his hand, his life, has he ever looked at the name on it?

He never checked. Not even once. He thought he was being wise, like Obito. Was he just being foolish like Obito instead, all this time? Was it his name there the whole time too?

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei!" The shout snaps his attention back, suddenly down to reality, to Naruto frowning at him suspiciously. His blood is pounding in his ears, there is only one thing he can think about right now. He needs to see Tenzo. Immediately. 

"Sorry, gotta go." 

"Wait, what? Where? This is your apartment!" It's too late for common sense. Kakashi is a man on a mission, in a panic, who goes straight for the window and slides it open to go over the rooftops to Tenzo's place. 

"The path of life is calling!" He pauses on the sill, considers it and then calls back in the room. "Can you lock up for me? Put the key through the letterbox when you're done! Thanks!" He slides the window shut on Naruto's shout for him to wait and jumps. He skids across the roof tiles and leaps across the gaps. A sleeping cat, sunning themself on a roof, startles and flees, yowling in complaint as he jumps over them. A flock of pigeons lift off in a panic as he runs past, nearly slips off a loose tile. Kakashi upsets a bee as he springs past it. Kakashi doesn't notice any of this, his mind still stuck five minutes earlier, on the name on his right hand. 

Kakashi lands on the sill of Tenzo's window, bangs on the glass. It's been a while since he's arrived like this, the key is easier, less dramatic. Less reliant on having to wait on Tenzo to show up while his heart tries to jump into his mouth. When Tenzo appears he looks confused and tilts his head. Meeting Tenzo's eyes, dark, thoughtful, the eyes of the person he loves most, possibly his soulmate after all makes his heart beat faster, almost in a panic, as Tenzo opens the window for him.

"Are you okay? Did you forget your key?" He jumps in through the window, trying to remember how to speak again.

"The key. Yes." Tenzo looks even more confused, shuts the window behind him before looking him over properly.

"Uh, so, did something happen with Naruto? We're supposed to start training tomorrow but-"

"Yes, well, no, not that kind of problem, it's more of a..." Kakashi grits his teeth, runs a hand through his hair. His thoughts are all over the place, trying to put anything into words is hard. He thought confessing to Tenzo while they were in that onsen was going to be the hardest thing he said to him. He was wrong. That was easy compared to this. "Look, Tenzo-"

"Yamato."

"Yamato. What's on your hand?" Tenzo looks at him like he's being an idiot, which he is. 

"Uh, fingers, I guess? What else would there be?" 

"No, I mean, what's your name?" 

"Yamato, for now. Kakashi, did you bang your head or something?" His words won't come out right, it's too important, he's too frantic at finding his entire life, up until now, being turned on its head. Instead he pulls Tenzo into his arms. Tenzo makes a surprised noise but doesn't pull back, watches him with deepening confusion as he takes Tenzo's right hand.

"Kakashi, what's going on? Are you okay?" The concern in his voice is obvious, but Kakashi can't respond as he turns over the palm of Tenzo's hand. He has spent so long not looking, not wanting confirmation of who that other person was, it's hard to focus on what it says.

It's right there. His name is on Tenzo's hand. Clear against his skin, obvious now he's looking, his name on someone else's hand, something that he thought was impossible. _Kakashi_. He feels ecstatic. He feels sick. He keeps his hand holding Tenzo's hand, turned over, name obvious and clear.

"How long have you had this?" Tenzo blinks, even more confused, but doesn't pull his hand out of Kakashi's, or move away.

"My hand? As long as I can remember. Senpai, what are you doing?" The noise of the blood in his ears gets louder as he stares at Tenzo's hand. He's trying to pick the right words to get an answer when his words are mostly incoherent babble in his head. 

"This." He points to his name on Tenzo's palm.

"That? Also as long as I can remember. It's a birthmark, or something. Why?" Oh. _Oh._ Now he thinks about it, it's so obvious. The reason Tenzo never asked him about soulmates, about the name he should have on his hand, wasn't because he didn't care about it. It was because Tenzo never knew there was anything to care about in the first place. Just like Naruto, he's an orphan who never knew his parents, who bounced around, never had anyone like his father to turn to one day and just ask about the writing on his hand. Kakashi wonders if he's the right person to break this news, before doing it anyway. 

"That writing on everyone's hand? It's supposed to be the name of their soulmate. So that writing?" He taps his name on Tenzo's hand, gently, and Tenzo looks down. "That's yours."

Tenzo freezes as it sinks in, and then, very slowly, goes the reddest he's ever seen him go. The blush starts from his ears, before spreading over his face, right down to his chest. His mouth opens, shuts, then opens again without saying a word. It's kind of a relief to see Tenzo coping with this just as badly as he did, like he's not the only one thrown by this news.

"Wait, what? How? Since when? Oh my god, I never thought it was your name, I always just thought it was a birthmark, or some sort of scar, it just looked a bit like your name. I never thought about it, it was just there." The words spill out of Tenzo, still staring at his hand in Kakashi's, before a sudden realisation pops up on his face and he looks up at Kakashi in alarm.

"Wait, does that mean - do you have my name? Wait, what name would it be, I've had so many, although I don't think they all count. Unless you have someone else." Tenzo looks away, awkwardly, at that, and Kakashi only half notices because his thoughts are stuck on Tenzo's unstable name. Ah. Is that why? Yamato, Tenzo, Kinoe, the names before those that he doesn't know, tens of names for one person. Is that why his hand stayed blank? Because there was never one name, the name he'd live with, until now?

Tenzo's a good name, a name Kakashi helped him pick. Why didn't he just pick that permanently and have that show up on Kakashi's hand instead of his new code name? Tenzo is still rambling, Kakashi has lost track of what, and he silents him with a finger over his lips. Tenzo falls quiet as he pulls the glove off his right hand, and he offers Tenzo his hand. The sudden silence makes his heart beat louder, like it's the loudest noise in the world.

Tenzo takes his hand. He turns it over, and inhales sharply before looking up.

"You didn't have that before. I know your hands too well, you didn't." Kakashi curves his eyes into a smile. Trust Tenzo to notice even without realising what it meant, despite his diversionary tactics whenever he caught him looking too closely. 

"I didn't. Until today, it was blank." Tenzo flushes deeper again and brushes his finger over the Yamato on his hand. Kakashi considers his words, and the panic starts to rise again. Until today, he understood this. He didn't have a name on his hand, there was never going to be one, and Kakashi was fine with that, built a life without needing it. Then, suddenly, just like when Kushina accidentally revealed his lack so long ago, Naruto accidentally revealed that he didn't lack after all. But a soulmate? Suddenly gaining one, a person he's supposed to love most, his other half, after years of nothing, radio silence? It's terrifying, what if he gets it wrong, what if he hurts Tenzo with it, what if he gets hurt, what if, what if-

"Ah. Well, I guess it's nice, but it doesn't really matter that much."

"What? Yes it does. Everyone else had this, I never did, and it was weird. I got called soulless because of it, everyone who found out treated me differently. And now I just suddenly have one out of nowhere? That doesn't matter?" If he was someone else, say Naruto, he'd be yelling at this point, but his voice is just louder than usual. He's confused and definitely not cool in the slightest. Tenzo looks to the side, and then back at Kakashi. Tenzo is irritatingly, annoyingly calm in response to his confusion. 

"How, exactly, is it that a big problem when it turned out to me? You already chose me on your own free will. I don't think there's anything that could force you to do something if you didn't want to. You could have anyone, but you picked me."

"You had my name on your hand the whole time."

"With no idea what it meant until a few minutes ago." Tenzo pauses, then looks at him again, a little embarrassed but adoring with it. "Kakashi, if I had someone else's name on my hand, I would still love you instead of them. If I did it again, I would pick you again. I would love you over." He knows Tenzo loves him, since he finally confessed to him. Knew well before that if he's honest, but this is something else. He's overwhelmed, can't think of words, and hikes down his mask instead to kiss Tenzo. When he pulls back, Tenzo pats his cheek, in a way that'd be patronising if it wasn't so affectionate, before smiling at him, a little mischievous. 

"This whole thing sounds like a crap shot. What if they have a really common name? Or they die before you meet them? Does it take into account geography? What if they live halfway across the world, you've never going to meet them then. What if you just don't like them?" Kakashi can't help himself, he lets out a laugh. The relief that spills through him is intense, both at finally having a soulmate and at Tenzo thinking it's ridiculous within five minutes of learning about it. Maybe they were all correct after all? His father, Kushina, Minato, Rin, those strangers, even Tenzo. It didn't really matter after all. The lack of a name didn't stop his life, didn't stop him from finding people who could help him fill the hole left in him by death. Maybe love can save someone, after all.

"Anyway, if you want a permanent commitment, I'll marry you." Tenzo is as full of surprises as the rest of today, because he expects the proposal as much as he expected finding out he had a soulmate, as in, not at all. 

"It's five minutes after you found out I'm your soulmate and you're proposing? Tenzo, don't you think you're rushing things?" Not that he minds, or immediately feels trapped by it like he might have expected, once, but he's had enough turmoil for one day. Tenzo flushes in embarrassment, dismayed at being shot down and Kakashi relents, realising he probably could have phrased that better. "Well, I expect a nice dinner first. Somewhere really fancy. Make sure you save up. Hey, shouldn't I be proposing? I'm the eldest. Isn't it rude to propose to your senpai?" Tenzo goes even redder, mumbles something that it takes Kakashi a moment to understand.

"...You're the prettiest one though." Kakashi blushes at that, the sincerity of it is too strong to deny, but it's kind of flattering too. He disagrees with the implication he's the most attractive one here, but he'll flatter Tenzo's ego on that later. 

"I'm going to be your trophy wife? Tenzo, I'm flattered." Tenzo sighs, heavily, like Kakashi teasing him is a weighty burden to bear, but he doesn't tell him to stop either. "But I don't think I'd make a good housewife. I'll keep working instead." 

"Do you really..." Kakashi smiles again, one of the mysterious smiles that infuriates his students so much, as he once again, blows Tenzo off. Not today. Not a day for making a big decision like marriage. He needs to think about it, he's not one for rushing things. As if Tenzo didn't know that.

"Later, okay? My horoscope said I shouldn't make any big decisions today. Let's go get something to eat, my treat." Tenzo looks like he's about to argue about it, until he hears Kakashi is offering to pay, and shuts his mouth. 

"Fine. I want to see if there's anything in your wallet apart from moths." As they leave, Tenzo locking up as he leans over the railing to watch the street, an orange flash runs down it, then turns back to check on him. 

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei! What the hell happened, where did you go?" He gives Naruto a casual salute as Tenzo cranes his neck to see who's yelling, though he must already know. 

"The path of life called. Did you lock up?" 

"Yeah, but you shouldn't just expect people to - ah, Captain Yamato!" Tenzo joins him and leans over the railing too to look at Naruto. 

"Hi. Everything okay?" 

"No, Kakashi-sensei is being irresponsible again!" Tenzo gives him a look, that says he's judging him, hard, before looking back to Naruto.

"He's like that. Hey, are you hungry?"

"What? No, I'm not paying for him too."

"Yes!"

"Okay, Kakashi's paying for our lunch." Naruto's face lights up and he cheers as Kakashi's heart sinks. The look on Tenzo's face says he can't wriggle out of this like he did making a decision though. Instead he ends up going down the stairs with Tenzo as Naruto rushes up to meet them. 

"So, you like them?"

"Your team? Definitely. They're good kids. Even if they need to work on being calmer and less like, well, that." Tenzo points at Naruto's over-enthusiastic waving, before Naruto grabs Kakashi's arm, and pulls him along despite his protests. They run into Sakura along the way, Naruto invites her to join them too and decides they're all going to get ramen. Of course. They discuss their last mission, the latest disastrous nicknames Sai has tried out. Both of them try to be responsible, not to laugh at the appalling nicknames Sai chooses, before they both spot a presence nearby, discreet, missed by Naruto in his excitement.

"I'll get him, since everyone else is here. I'll catch you up." Tenzo slips off, and Kakashi takes his chance.

"I was talking with Captain Yamato, and he said you guys are doing so well as a team, that he's going to pay for your ramen." 

"Really? That's very kind of him." Sakura sounds like he knows he's bullshitting, and they both look at him like they know he's full of shit, but want to see how far he's going to take it. They are going to be surprised. Sai appears with Tenzo as they reach the ramen shop, offers all a fake smile before Kakashi announces the good news.

"Now, remember, Yamato's paying because you're all working so hard for him, so get whatever you like."

"Since then have I been-"

"That's very kind of you, Captain Yamato." Sai states, deadpan, before ordering something ridiculously expensive. Tenzo sighs, exasperated, and jabs Kakashi in the side as he joins him on the stools. 

"You know how it is, Tenzo. What's yours is mine."

"Shut up, you cheapskate." He sneaks his hand under the table, gloves back on and the name on his palm warm, and squeezes Tenzo's hand. Tenzo doesn't react at first, glances down the table to see what the rest of the team are doing. Sai is getting into an argument with Sakura over Ino, with Naruto watching in alarm as Sakura gets angrier. He can see Tenzo consider if he should do something about that, before deciding to leave them to it and looking back at Kakashi instead, squeezes his hand back with a small, soft smile before letting go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be the ending, but I decided to do one more chapter. It's a bit more of a mixed ending than this one, though.


	29. Part Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post-Pain, rebuilding and the consequences of dying. Not a downer ending, but the soulmates thing is a bit more complicated than Tenzo dismissed it as. Also it allows Yamato to have his "Team 7 all have crying jags" moment which he didn't get in canon, and a conclusion to that hanging plot thread from Part Four.  
> This also is the point where I went "wow I've written a lot about birds here for a canon where only crows and eagles are the only birds of real note in it".

_A thousand years, you said,_  
_As our hearts melted._  
_I look at the hand you held,_  
_And the ache is hard to bear._  
Lady Heguri

Part Five: After

Yamato dreams of houses. He dreams of pavements, roads, daigo stands, bars, apartment blocks, shrines. He dreams of construction, half finished buildings left open to the air. He dreams of narrow alleyways coming back to life. 

He dreams of houses, and of the past. As he lies in his futon, the canvas of the tent ripples above his head in the wind. He feels hot, when he touches his forehead with an exhausted hand, it's overheated, burning. The dream of houses ripples away but the fever makes him feel like he's still dreaming anyway. The chakra exhaustion, not as dramatic as some people's, is deep in his bones. He is pushing himself too hard, this is his body warning him. But outside this tent, Konoha is flattened. Nothing but rubble, dust and memories. He is the only person who can build like this, recreate streets at a time. The streets he must recreate haunt his thoughts, awake and asleep. He failed to be here when he was needed the most, he let the village down, let Naruto down. Let Kakashi down. He must make up for it.

With a sigh Yamato thinks about getting up. He needs to get water, ice, food. He tries to push himself up, his arms wobble, then collapse. 

"Ow." His body refuses to move, aches all over, too heavy to lift. At least it waited until he got back to do this, to collapse and refuse to go any further. Yamato doesn't fight it, can't fight it. He looks up instead, head resting on the pillow, and feels his vision swirl. Is he going to start hallucinating? It feels like a fever dream, like one from the childhood he can't remember. Yamato has never had chakra exhaustion with a fever before, it's even more unpleasant than usual. He should get up, get some cold medicine perhaps, but instead his eyes go fuzzy and then drift shut, falling back into restless sleep.

The dream is of more houses, more buildings, pressing onto him. Some float, drift away. Some scatter their bricks, their frames, as the wind brushes over them. Strange. Alleyways, then more building sites, then a magnificent house that he almost recognises before it shifts into another building, anonymous, a dreamscape. Then the dream suddenly changes entirely. A wet afternoon, chaos distantly echoing down halls, the shouts and cries of small children. The rain thumps against the windows and he's hiding under a bed. Suddenly small, with a book in his hands. He opens the book. 

It is filled with drawings of a town, showing the lives of its inhabitants. He lingers on each page as he opens it, looking at every detail of the town, every person's life. It feels satisfying, hopeful, to look at life beyond the orphanage's walls. He turns the page, and finds a farm. He looks at the animals, roaming through the fields, cows, pigs, chickens, before one of the words makes him pause. It looks familiar to him. He looks closer, then checks against his hand. It's the same characters. He looks at the picture of the farm and frowns. He studies the drawing next to the same characters that are on his hand closely, but there's no explanation. 

He doesn't get it. Why does he have scarecrow written on his hand? 

Yamato wakes up with a start. The sun's moved across the sky, the shadows are starting to lengthen. The dream starts to float away and he forces himself to grab onto it, pull it back before he loses it entirely. He keeps having these dreams, dreams that feel like memories. They feel like they really happened to him, but he's been so tired, waking up as he overheats, it could just be a hallucination. A fever dream, of a past his exhausted mind is making up for him. A story to tell himself. It's hard to separate real and invented memory in this state, and he can't order the dreams, memories, into any timeline. They float past, like bubbles. 

But it's strange that he'd dream of that. So that time, when he noticed it while he was in the tube, might not be the first time he noticed the name on his hand after all? It is a casual thought, but the weight of that memory hits him with its full force and it jolts him. Suddenly he feels it, like he's still there, unfiltered by years of training, of calm, of control over mokuton, of purposeful forgetting. The terror, the fear, the desperate hold to the dream of the farm, hope in the darkest place, the kindly scarecrow watching over them, watching over him, as everyone else died. As he prepared to die, alone, forgotten and discarded. An unnecessary person. His breath catches, he remembers that voice in his head.

**Anyone?**

He never heard the voice again. Yamato thinks he knows who it was now. Hashirama, somehow, taking over his body and saving him in the process. He is shaking, suddenly ice-cold, despite his fever, like he's been plunged into cold water. Like when they froze his chakra. Like when they started the experiments, the first injection, the first sneer, the first demand that he prove himself better than the rest. Like when he could be discarded at any time. The pain shoots through him again and he forces himself to sit up, presses up against the ache of his limbs holding him down. His breathing is too fast, he's going to make himself faint. He needs to calm down, but he's overwhelmed by the rush of memories.

Since Orochimaru died, since he started chasing Kabuto with Anko and Sai. Since then he can remember more. He would wonder if his death, almost, at Sasuke's hands took off some lock on his memories if he wasn't hurting like it only just happened. Kinoe never dealt with it, he buried it so he could survive. Tenzo never dealt with it, he buried it so he could survive. Yamato is the version of him that can't dodge it any further, can't bury it again. He has survived.

It _hurt_. It was torture, it was hell, there are no words for what he witnessed. He doubles over, hears the screams like he's still there. Why did he survive? The others were better people, didn't deserve their fate. He should have died like the rest of them. They all suffered, so much, and he didn't help any of them. He watched them all die and did nothing. 

Kakashi too. Kakashi died and he did nothing. Without Naruto, he would still be dead, another person he's lost. How many people has he lost now? Everyone from the parents who left him alone in the world, to the kouhais in ANBU he failed to protect. He should know to be more careful, he's still not cautious enough. Kakashi got him through hell, before he even knew him, even if he tried to forget he had as soon as Root took him. The kindly scarecrow. Hatake was the farmland that mattered in his future. He said the name on his hand didn't matter, he was wrong. It's only made Kakashi more precious to him, more important, and he still wasn't there to protect him when he needed him most. 

"I'm home. I heard you overworked yourself, again. I brought you some food so you don't have to..." Kakashi pauses in his interruption when he finally looks at him, sitting up in his futon. "Ah. Why are you crying?" 

Yamato hadn't even realised, but he is. His face is wet, tears dripping down his face, and he's too tired to repress it, hold it back like he usually would. Kakashi stares at him in confusion, bag still in one hand, probably because this is the first time Yamato has ever cried in front of him. It should stop his tears but they increase instead, too exhausted, too hurt for embarrassment. Kakashi puts the bag down with a sigh, and kneels down on top of the futon to pull Yamato into his chest. 

"Well, it's fine if you need to. Go ahead." The words are kind and teamed with Kakashi's fingers in his hair as he cradles the back of his head. Yamato buries his face in Kakashi's chest and cries. Everything hurts, everything he remembers of his past. All the death, the comrades he failed, the people he failed to rescue, the death of his sensei as she tried to protect him from a legend, the other children, the experiments. The loneliness of the orphanage, of having no family. His mother abandoning him within an hour of his birth, not loving him enough to stop her leaving him at the mercy of strangers. The realisation that in another world, if Orochimaru had realised he survived with mokuton, that he could have been Kabuto. Another unloved orphan with nobody to save them, with a fate worse than death. 

And Kakashi's death, who died in the exact way Yamato always knew he would, deep down. Bravely, without hesitation, for someone else, using his very last trace of chakra to save Choji. A hero. Yet he is still here now, can hear his heart beat as he rests against his chest. That familiar smell. His fingers in his hair, even cooler than usual when he's feverish. Yamato nearly lost it forever, and the thought doesn't stop his tears. Kakashi doesn't push, lets him cry, and he knows he can't say it, there's too much to say, he'll burst trying to get it all. It feels like Kakashi already knows.

When he finally stops crying, enough tears shed to calm him down, he knows he looks awful. Some people look attractive when they cry, but he's not one of them. He's a snotty, red-faced mess, who sniffs when Kakashi passes him a towel to dry his face with. 

"I'm sorry."

"Why? I used to think cry-babies were idiots, but maybe not crying at all is more idiotic. All the people I admire most these days seem to cry a lot, anyway. Besides, it's been hard for you recently. I've put you through a lot." That almost sounds like an apology, a ridiculous thing to be apologising for. "Honestly, if you weren't upset at all, I'd be kind of annoyed. That'd make you much cooler than me." Yamato laughs despite himself and it makes Kakashi smile too. "Well, I guess that's love for you. Someone like me is too worthless to cry over, but I'm grateful you are anyway even if I don't deserve it." 

"That's not true." His voice is still thick, a little snotty, but he plows through the embarrassment of it anyway. "I think you're worth a lot. You even got me through the experiments." 

"The experiments?" He's never shared this memory before, it makes him feel vulnerable. Like that small child again, but Yamato forces it out anyway.

"The name. I didn't know what it meant, but I knew it was a sign of the future. I had this dream about a farm, and a scarecrow watching over it. It was...it was what made me beg to live when the branches came. And the First answered me." Kakashi blinks in surprise, and Yamato can't help glancing over at his shoulder, just in case the cherry blossom suddenly bursts from it again. Nothing, all is still.

"The First?"

"I heard a voice in my head. It wasn't me. I know it wasn't me, or a memory." It sounds crazy out loud, but Kakashi considers it. 

"Mm. I don't see why not." As Kakashi ponders it - typical of Kakashi to get stuck on the interesting learning point during a story like that - Yamato takes the glove off Kakashi's hand without thinking. Kakashi lets him, lets him turn it over and see his name on his palm. It's been months since it appeared and yet seeing _Yamato_ on Kakashi's palm still surprises him. Even if Kakashi has started complaining that it should have been Tenzo because that's his name for him. Probably just bitter Fate picked the name Tsunade gave him instead of the one he chose.

"For someone like me, without a name or family, knowing that there's somewhere I belong..."

"I can do that, too." Kakashi interrupts, flips Yamato's hand to hold onto it. "I'll give you another name, and a family too. Hatake Tenzo. Or Hatake Yamato, your choice. The family is just the ninkens and me now, but you're welcome to join it." Yamato stares at Kakashi in shock. He didn't expect Kakashi to just propose to him like that, out of nowhere, after completely blowing off his own proposal and then dodging the topic until he gave up.

Wait, no, he's an idiot. Of course he should have expected that, that's exactly what happened every time their relationship moved on a stage. He'd try something, Kakashi would dodge and laugh and then do it on his own terms later. Infuriating, brilliant, and now proposing to him. 

"Ah. You're crying again." Yamato blinks, wipes away the tears that have caught him by surprise, again. 

"Senpai...I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Is this how you'll be now?" Yamato tries to wipe tears that are still coming, he's not even sure why he's crying right now. Kakashi reaches out, wipes some of them off gently before curving his eye into a smile. "See? Better." 

Is it because he's happy? He's been happy a lot of times and never cried from it, but the thought of being part of a family, a small one but his, is something even stronger. It's more than the soulmate bond, something he still doesn't understand. This is part of a deeper longing, for somewhere to belong, for people to belong with. A family. A home. Ever since his mother put him on that doorstep - he's sure now she was a ninja, that it was her vest that he was wrapped in, even if there's no way he'll find her now - knocked and ran. 

"I accept. Please look after me from now on." Kakashi tilts his head up to look at him, and kisses him softly. It finally stops the tears. Yamato leans into the kiss, tries to lift a hand to touch Kakashi's chin only for it to drop straight back down. Kakashi pulls back, lifts his hand up and watches it fall straight down again. 

"Yup, chakra exhaustion. You need to rest. And you've got a fever, you're burning up." Kakashi rests his un-gloved hand on his forehead and he sighs in relief, the coolness of it soothing. "Should I nag you about taking care of yourself? It seems so fun when you get to do it to me."

"You don't, though."

"Ha, neither do you. Here." Kakashi gets some medicine and a water bottle out of the bag. "Say ah." Yamato frowns at him, he's not five. He opens his mouth anyway and lets Kakashi put the cold medicine in before swallowing it with the water. "Good, now rest."

"But-"

"The food will keep." Kakashi pushes him back gently with his palm on his chest and he falls back onto the pillow. He starts to protest again but Kakashi shuts him up with another kiss, before pulling back, leaving his hand in his hair. 

"I'll be here when you wake up. Sleep." Yamato doesn't expect it, but as soon as he shuts his eyes, he's out. He doesn't dream of houses, of buildings. He dreams of the sea. 

He is watching the sanderlings on the beach as the tide comes in. They charge in fearlessly as the sea retreats, then skitter back in a rush as the sea returns. They look both brave and cowardly, a fascinating combination as his sensei argues with their client. He's standing next to her, trying to look focused but his gaze keeps drifting back to the sea and then to the sanderlings on the beach. One stands at a distance from the tide, with only one leg. Is it missing a leg? He looks to his sensei, who continues to argue before glancing back, just in time to see it switch legs. Oh! Why was it tucking its leg away like that? He's seen a lot of birds but these little birds are different, with their comical bills, bravery and cowardice, hiding their legs away. Mysterious.

Ishii-sensei clicks her fingers behind her back at him, a signal to pay attention and he snaps straight up, waits for the next order. Her words are fuzzy, an order he can't remember, his memory stutters. His feet sink into the sand as they walk along the beach. He is supposed to be on alert, threats can come from anywhere, but his eyes are drawn to the sea, to the birds rushing in and then away from the tide. The air smells of salt and seaweed, and the water is so blue and bright. It feels new, like this is the first time he has seen the sea. It is calm, a boat rides it on the horizon, nets hang out over its side. He read books about storms, of crashing waves, but it looks so peaceful. He wants to jump in, let the water envelop him, but he can't. He is working but he longs for the sea, itches for it. He looks at the sea, the sanderlings, then at his feet sinking into the sand, and wonders why. 

Voices start to filter in, interrupting his dream. Yamato isn't awake, not yet, but the voices sound familiar and he lets them soak into his thoughts. He can't understand them but Kakashi's voice washes over him, like the sea would over the sanderlings' feet if they didn't flee. Familiar, relaxing. The other voice replies, quiet, restrained, emotionless. Sai? He feels groggy, less feverish than earlier but it takes him a moment to remember. Sai! He ditched their mission to rush back to Konoha, he should probably get up, needs to catch up on what he's missed. He probably another mission to go on already-

A hand on his forehead, brushes down and over his eyes like the tide coming in.

"You don't need to get up Tenzo, I'm handling it." Kakashi's voice is suddenly much closer, he didn't even hear him move. He opens his eyes and squints at the light, even if it's already sunset. Suddenly back in Konoha, far from the sea. How long was he asleep? Nevermind that, he has work to do. Even in his current exhausted state, he needs to be reliable. 

"Sai?" Kakashi sighs heavily as he hears Sai move over. 

"You know, it's depressing to see you wake up and immediately call out another man's name." 

"You'll live, Kakashi-senpai. What is it Captain?" 

"How did the mission go?" His voice is croaky and he hears Kakashi sigh again, before his hand goes back to rest on his forehead.

"I said I had it under control. Don't you trust me?" Of course he does, it's enough to make him pause in his questioning. Sai isn't thrown off by that response and replies anyway. 

"It wasn't a success. We need to do more work to track Kabuto's movements. Anko-san has some suggestions on what to do next. Once you have recovered, we can discuss it further. Kakashi-senpai tells me that might take a while."

"It'll probably take less time than it takes Kakashi to recover." Yamato tries to drag himself back up to a sitting position, looks at both of them. Sai, impassive. Kakashi, impassive to anyone who doesn't know him well enough to read his face. To him, there's some concern on it. "Sorry to abandon you mid-mission like that." Sai gives him a fake smile in return

"It was necessary in the circumstances. Naruto flattened the whole village."

"And saved it." Kakashi adds. Too proud of his student and how far he's come to let it stand without a qualifier. 

"That too. I need to return. Captain Yamato, Kakashi-senpai." Sai gets up, checks his kit before giving them both a small bow. As he reaches the flap of the tent he pauses, then looks back. "Also I understand congratulations are in order? Congratulations to both of you. I don't understand why you would celebrate signing a legal contract together, but apparently you do." Yamato blinks, in his exhausted state he doesn't realise what Sai is referring to until after he ducks out.

"Wait. Did you tell Sai we're engaged?" 

"Oh. I guess I did do that!" Kakashi laughs, rubs his neck like it happened by accident. There is no way it happened by accident. Yamato sighs. ANBUs in Root are as much gossips as the ones under the command of the Hokage, within the hour everyone in ANBU will know. Perhaps that's why Kakashi did it. Ah, well it's not as if he minds, exactly. 

"What else were you two talking about?" 

"Some long developed plans are being put into effect. Not that Sai told me that, but he said enough to let me put it together. Yamato, we're going to be busy."

"Do you think we can trust him?" If Danzo is going to finally make a move, Sai will obey his commands. Or will be forced to. It's hard for him to read how Sai feels about it, if he's gained the same kind of rebellious streak that got him out of Root too. Can they trust someone sworn to obey Danzo? Kakashi tilts his head, taps his cheek in thought and then smiles.

"I think we can. I believe in him. He needs someone to believe in him, he needs all of us to." 

"But Root is going to be against us." Kakashi grins this time.

"Wasn't there someone in Root I really believed in before? It took a while, but I was right to. Don't you think, Kinoe?"

"I prefer Tenzo if you must use old names." There's a flush on his cheeks from it anyway, as much he dislikes that name now, the memories it brings back. Still. Kakashi is right, his belief in Kinoe was well-placed, even if it took a while for that seed of belief to fully bloom. 

"Me too. Here." Kakashi hands him the bag. He digs out the food and starts to eat, slow but hungry. His hands are still a little clumsy from the exhaustion, but his appetite is suddenly back with a vengeance. As he eats he feels Kakashi shift around, not quite fidgeting but there's a sense that he's waiting for him to finish. Like he wants to ask him something. Strange, Yamato isn't sure what it could be, but it makes him eat faster. As soon as he puts his chopsticks down, Kakashi leans in and asks.

"Earlier. I really meant it when I asked you to marry me. Do you still want to?" 

"Of course. Why are you asking?" There's no hesitation in his answer but plenty of confusion. Why did Kakashi think he didn't mean it? "Was it the fever? I was out of it, but not that out of it." 

"I guess I just...well, it doesn't really matter." Yamato smiles at a sign of insecurity, of all things, as if he would say no to Kakashi. He's awful at it when he needs to do it, why would he do it when it's something he wants?

"I want to be part of your family. I've never had that before, so it makes me really happy to have one." It makes him blush a little to be so blunt about it, but considering he cried on Kakashi earlier, it's a lot less embarrassing than the rest of what he's done today. Kakashi smiles then drifts into thought, crosses his arms and really considers something, before finally coming out with it after a few minutes of silence.

"I saw my father when I died." Yamato knows the outlines of Sakumo's life, and death, now. Kakashi talks about him sometimes now, but it's always off-hand comments, and he only found out about his death from others. It's not something they've properly discussed. He never knew how to approach it, didn't know if Kakashi would want to. Parents are alien to him, but the way his parents abandoned him still hurts, always has. For Kakashi, who knew his father, it must hurt even more. 

"You did?" Kakashi nods. 

"He'd been there for years, waiting for me. I forgave him a long time ago, thanks to Obito, but seeing him again surprised me. I felt angry for a moment but then he saw me and smiled. It was just like when I used to come home. I didn't realise just how much I still miss him until I saw it again." Kakashi pauses and Yamato reaches out, touches his hand. Kakashi starts, before shifting in closer, rests his head against his chest. He knows what that means and he moves his arms around him, holds him. He doesn't interrupt, once he's ready he'll continue.

"We talked for ages. He asked me what happened, and I told him. It was embarrassing, telling him how much of an idiot I was after he died, how long it took me to realise that he'd done the right thing on that mission. About everyone I lost, how I failed people. But, I also told him about you, and that you turned up on my hand. They were so worried when I was born without one, but he said he was glad I had good people in my life, name or no name. Said I should take care of them, and I should never let them go. That his biggest regret was leaving me alone. He knew from the moment he started it was a huge mistake but it was too late to fix it, too late not to die." Yamato can see it as he pauses, Kakashi is remembering it, finding him afterwards. His hand goes to stroke Kakashi's hair as he takes a breather. He wants to say it's okay but it's not, not really. It's the sort of thing that always hurts. 

"My biggest regret was leaving everyone, but especially you. Never let the good people go. From the moment I first met you, when your name was Kinoe, you were one of those people. Stupid to have blown off your proposal like that, relieved that you knew I loved you at least. I didn't think I'd get a second chance, but I did. I got to tell him I was proud to be his son before I came back too." Another pause. Yamato wants to say something but how can he respond to that? If Kakashi died, would he be waiting there for him too? The thought makes his heart ache, hold Kakashi a little tighter.

"I'm not throwing my second chance away. I made peace with my family that's passed. Dad can go on ahead, see my mother again now that doesn't need to wait for me any longer. I can continue with our new family now, like I should have years ago." Yamato's hand is still on Kakashi's hair but it's frozen, he's knocked breathless. He's never heard so much about Sakumo, had thought it was one of Kakashi's capricious whims to propose to him. Not something so serious that turned his mind to it. He knows just how serious Kakashi can be under his playful, teasing behaviour, but he didn't expect it like this.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Telling me. And for inviting me into your family to make our own. We can start something new. I'll even build us a new house, if you want." 

"I'll buy us some land, so make it a really fancy big house. I want lots of furniture, too. I want a new set of chairs, a bench, a table like the one you made that healer, a..." Kakashi trails off, and Yamato looks down to check why he's stopped. The tears are coming only from Obito's eye, but he's sure they all belong to Kakashi. There's a moment of panic, of worrying what to do, before remembering Kakashi's calm course of action earlier. It helped him. Now perhaps it can help Kakashi too. He rests his chin gently on Kakashi's head, lets him tuck his face in against his neck to hide. His fingers linger in his hair, trying to reassure as he lets Kakashi cry.

"You too, huh? That's okay. Take as long as you need."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! (Now for some background you can skip, and a dedication.)
> 
> I started this story back in December 2011, wrote 2000 words and then dropped it due to rl commitments. I then rediscovered it in September 2018, and felt that I should finish it, it was a solid idea. Plus, I was getting kudos on my previous Kakayama fic so obviously people were still looking for fic for that pairing, so it wouldn't be going into a void. It'd be like, what, a couple of thousand words? Reader, it was not. I spent the next eight months working on this beast (along with doing other stuff too, admittedly) and finally finished it on 16 April. I'm a little sad to say "goodbye" after all this time and see it go out into the world. It's been a very patient companion in weird times, but I hope at least one person likes it.
> 
> This story is dedicated to everyone who read Icha Icha Senpai, especially those who gave it kudos and let me know that there are still readers for this pairing. You made this go from a vague aspiration of maybe doing it someday to finishing it. Big thanks to everyone who read the more recent fics I posted while working on this too. And lastly, thank **you** for reading. I couldn't have done it without you! (And the Rower*.)
> 
>  
> 
> *Rower: "Yes, you could!"


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